Many times over the last 5 months I have started a blog post in my head. Topics ranging from having a 7 month stall, feeling content with my new life, frustration that I have failed since I am still obese, how I still find no enjoyment in exercising....the list goes on.
This summer I actually tried running. It was short lived. I would do a jog/walk switch off. Walking typically more than jogging, but getting my heart rate up there. First day out...I was attacked by 2 dogs who live two doors away from my parents. Yep, 2 black labs tackled me. The owners did not even apologize, simply told me the dogs were very protective of their lawn. I ran in the road by their house from then on.
The running was very short lived...but I did keep up walking for quite a bit. I was even getting up early before leaving town for trips to be sure to walk. Well ..that went by the wayside as well.
I dropped the gym this summer for a couple of reasons. 1) we were gone so much it did not make sense to pay and never be in town to even go to he gym. 2) it was summer, I can walk outside and enjoy being outside instead of stuck in a gym on a machine.
Well...I joined up again come August because I was getting pretty lax on exercising. The problem...now I was paying someone and still not going. I thought now that school was starting we would be back to a more normal routine and that would include going to the gym. Ha...how wrong I was. Between work, my son's drumming and my daughter's cross country and marching band competitions, we are never home. I am writing this while in the car on our way to a drumming performance. (So if I have weird spelling or words...blame it on fat thumbs and smart phone auto correct.)
So...we dropped the gym again here at the end of September. We do have the ability to use the school's weight room and work out machines. ..we just have to find the time and energy (and motivation) to go. We shall see how this goes.
Regardless of this lack of exercising...something has seemed to be clicking with my body this past month or so. I started the summer weighing anywhere from 195-197. It fluctuated but I stayed in that range. Then, all of a sudden at the end of August I dropped to 192. Then immediately jumped back up to 194. I wasn't sure what happened, but I wasn't going to complain.
The last month I have stayed under 195 and was gradually dropping a half a pound here, a half a pound there. Yesterday I stepped on the scale and was 189.4! OMG. ..Under 190? I truly do not remember when I weighed that little...for sure high school which was 27 years ago. But I remember weighing 200 in college so not sure when in high school.
I figured it was a fluke and today I would be back up over 190. Nope...I was 189.0 today. So I decided to put it into my BMI calculator since I knew it would be getting close to being below 30. I thought my "magic number" was 187...so I wasn't too excited.
Holy crap...189 puts me below a BMI of 30...below 30 is OVERWEIGHT instead of obese. I even used two different BMI calculators because I was sure it could not be right. But it is...After over 27 years of being obese...I AM OVERWEIGHT!
I have giggled and joked that my goal was to be overweight. People chuckled when I said..."I just want to be overweight, can I please be overweight?!" They knew what I meant and why I said that but it still made them chuckle.
You know how you set a goal, even an obtainable goal, but you still doubt you can actually attain it? That was me and the goal of being overweight. Yes, I truly wanted it, but it has been a dream and so far out of reach for so many years, I guess I doubted it could ever really happen.
Honestly, that is probably what has held me in my stall for so long...the disbelief that I truly could reach that goal. I am so used to not being where I want to be weight wise, I did not believe I could truly do it. I was careful about what I ate, I was going to the gym, I was doing everything "right" but I still stayed at 195-197 and obese.
When school started this August I kind of decided...okay, this is who I am and what I am going to be. I would love to be less, but I am so much better than I was even a year ago, and my health is so much better that I was going to be content with staying 195-197.
I am still not sure what has changed other than my mind set. I am not going to the gym and I stopped tracking my food since it did not seem to matter. I even started allowing myself more carbs than my program's plan allows. Why? Because for some reason my new tummy rejects a lot of the proteins, but accepts the carbs. I was sick of always feeling Bleh forcing the proteins in because that is what I am supposed to do. I wanted to enjoy what I ate.
In my head it makes little sense that these actions have allowed me to start losing weight again...but it has. I have dropped 6 pounds in the last month. And as of today I am officially overweight. I am more than ecstatic. I am in disbelief, I am thrilled. I am revitalized. I have renewed faith in myself. I am listening to my body and what it tells me and trusting it. I HOPE that works...we shall see.
But for now, I am rejoicing in the fact that for at least today. ..I AM OVERWEIGHT NOT OBESE!!!
