Wow - so I haven't blogged since May and my 2 year anniversary of my bypass surgery. I meant to write all summer long cuz I had interesting things happen during the summer. So here we go in a quick nutshell.
June 2 I had plastic surgery. When you lose 130 pounds you have a bit of excess skin, and if you are lucky (hear sarcasm in the word lucky) you get infections in the skin flaps where the skin on skin contact happens. Well, the truly lucky part of that is that if you are getting infections and you are documenting it and seeing the doctor and getting it treated, insurance sees it as a medical necessity to remove the excess skin. Meaning - they'll cover the surgery to remove the excess skin!!!!
If you're even more lucky (again, sarcasm) you had large breasts that have always caused neck and back pain. And losing 130 pounds didn't stop that pain. The breasts got smaller - but the excess skin on them still pulled and added weight and pain. So - insurance does usually cover breast reduction surgery, and for me they did cover it.
The doctor originally wanted only to do a breast lift, remove the excess skin but leave the actual breast tissue. His reasoning was that most of my problem was the excess skin and when you do a reduction, insurance requires a certain amount of actual breast tissue be removed - if you only take the excess skin insurance considers that cosmetic, not medically necessary. He was worried that with the excess skin removed AND the amount of breast tissue required to be removed, I would be unhappy with the proportion of my breasts to the rest of my body.
This caused a lot of tears and soul searching. How can I go from breasts that are way to big to breasts that are too big, but too small?!?! In the end, I decided that the back and neck pain going away was most important. That would probably have happened if we only did a lift and removed the excess skin - but insurance wouldn't pay for that and I didn't have an extra $7,000 lying around to pay for it. So, I decided that if insurance would cover a reduction, then let's do it. And if I'm unhappy with the size after - I'd get a good push up bra!
I'm happy to say - they covered the reduction, and I LOVE my new breasts. TMI moment coming - they are "perky" for the first time in my life. Like, I could get away with not wearing a bra! Wow, that's never been the case.
The surgery for the removal of the tummy skin is supposed to be very painful. THAT was what I was most afraid of going into the surgery on June 2. I was imagining waking up and being is terrible pain, like intolerable and me begging for relief, etc. Yes, it hurt. Yes, I was sure to get my pain meds. But it was never intolerable or unbearable. With the pain med on board, I was good. Which for me is pretty amazing because I am a pain wimp! I don't tolerate pain well. But honestly - if I stayed on top of the pain meds, I was just fine. Yes, it hurt, but I could tolerate it and go on with life.
The hiccup happened about 10 days after surgery - First a quick explanation. To do the skin removal on my abdomen they did an incision basically hip to hip. This incision was very low - like so low you could wear a bikini and not see it at all. The incisions were actually exactly where the elastic on the legs from your underwear hit. Yes, that was NOT pleasant for a few days! In addition, I had a big blop of excess skin above my belly button. So to get to that they had to do a vertical incision as well. That one goes up to like an inch or so below my breasts. so think a big upside down T -and those are my incisions.
10 days after surgery the vertical incision opened up a little about an inch and a half above where they two incisions met. They weren't worried at first. But then it started weeping and then it was not just weepy, but puss was coming out - again, TMI coming - a LOT of puss was coming out. Remember, I was still quite swollen from the surgery. But I could push on the tummy next to the incision and stuff would just ooze out - LOTS of stuff would ooze out. I ended up in the ER in Iowa City. They got me on an antibiotic and sent me home. That was Saturday. By Monday I was freaking out cuz more was open an LOTS and LOTS of stuff was coming out. Tuesday I saw the surgeon and he re-opened about 2 inches of the vertical incision. And when I say re-opened, I mean, take a scalpel and cut down through the original incision all the way down through the fat tissue and all - it was about 2 inches long and a good inch, inch and a half deep.
Let me tell you - it's weird hearing them cut through your skin and tissue. I couldn't feel it because they did a quick local anesthetic, but I was wide awake and could feel the pulling and hear the cutting. I told them they should provide ear plugs. LOL
Then came the news that I would need to put medicine on gauze and shove it into the open wound every day. When we started this process on June 16, The gauze was probably a good 14 inches long. Yes, we had to put medicine on it, and then use a Q-tip and push it down into the wound. Then put gauze over it the top and tape it down. We did this twice a day. And when you pulled out the old gauze it was nasty gross. The first about 4 days of this I was quite sick. Not just the infection in the skin, but it also made me physically sick. I remember very little of those next 4 days or so.
My kids were intrigued by the open incision. Matthew had to get a flashlight to shine into it so he could see all around inside it. Made me smile. At that point, I couldn't even watch as Mike would stuff the gauze into the wound. It nearly made me sick. It didn't hurt, but I could feel the pressure of him pushing it in and packing it in there good. AFter a couple of weeks, I got so I could do it myself. This was a good thing since I was packing gauze into that wound until the end of August.
Once they open up a wound like that, they don't close it again - they let it heal from the inside out. By the end I was putting like an inch of gauze in, just to cover it - I'd put the medicine right into the hole and then shove a little gauze in to keep it there and cover it. Then a few days of just covering it - not big enough to put anything in it. And by the first day of school, September 2 - I was completely gauze free. Let me tell you, that was a joyous day. There were times during the summer I thought it would never end!
So that was my summer. Really, after about June 23 or so, I was doing well, just had the inconvenience of having to pack the darn think twice a day. Other than that, I was great.
My breasts - they never gave me much of a problem at all. I did have one little spot that opened up but it was because a stitch in the lower layer of skin came out. Once they cut that away, it closed up quick as quick can be.
The summer taught me a lot of patience with myself. I spent most of the summer not allowed to lift more than 8 pounds. 8 pounds really isn't very much when it comes right down to it. And you feel stupid making your kids carry the groceries in when you feel just fine! But hey, they were awesome. All 3 of my family were fabulous and caring and nurturing through this whole thing! I've got a pretty fabulous family!
What the summer also did was see me eating stuff I shouldn't be eating. My tummy got extra picky this summer and lots of things that have always been great, started making me sick. But man oh man, the carbs went in just fine. so, instead of losing the 6 pounds they cut off during the surgery, I actually weigh 2 more pounds than when I started. THIS has me angry with myself. I can't blame anyone but me. I know what I have to do, I know what I did to cause it - and really, it's 2 pounds. But to me, it's TWO pounds and I want them gone. Plus, I want the 6 pounds they cut off gone too! So, I've vowed to myself that I am going to get "back on the wagon" with my eating and get moving more again. I'm feeling like a failure to some extent and for myself, I need to prove that I can do this.
With that - I've also decided I need to start blogging more regularly again. 3 years ago when I was blogging nearly every day, I really got in touch with myself and it felt great. Yesterday I was reading a blog from 3 years ago. It came up on my facebook memories. I thought, hmmm, I wonder what I wrote about 3 years ago. So i read it. It made me think about myself, how I deal with people in general, how others deal with people in general, etc. When I started this blog, it started with the intention of being about my weight loss journey. But it morphed into something much more important to me. It morphed into a blog about how society treats people, how people treat people and my observations and opinions about that.
It morphed into that because for the first time in my, then, 43 years, I felt free to say whatever I wanted to say. To admit things I was feeling, to actually say my weight out loud and NOT be ashamed of it. Our society teaches us to be ashamed of our weight - almost whatever that weight is. And by allowing myself to say my weight and be okay with that - it allowed me to say a whole lot more of what I'd kept inside.
Anyway, reading my post from 3 years ago - renewed that in me and I've decided that I want to blog again. I may bore people, but I'm doing this for me. And if along the way something I say helps someone - great. But the real point is to help me! Being able to just say what I'm thinking, put my opinions out there - get to say what I think is wrong with situations and how I wish they'd be fixed - I don't know - it helps me be a better person all the way around. It gives me a refreshed way of dealing with my students, my children, even my husband! LOL
So - here we go - I'm renewed and going to start this blog thing again. It may be about my weight loss and body image issues - cuz believe me they are still there. And it may be a lot more. I guess we shall see.
