APPROVED!!!

As my title says....I am APPROVED for surgery!

I got the letter from Blue Cross in the mail yesterday. 

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited that little piece of paper made me.  I have cried so many tears and prayed so many prayers about this and it all comes down to a little piece of paper.

I was looking through the mail last evening, after a hectic day, and saw the return address on one envelope of Blue Cross.  I quietly opened that letter and read and read.  Lots of medical mumbo jumbo....but skip to the good part - approved!  I just hugged Mike.

I think through all of this, the hardest part has been the fear of insurance denying me.  They won't give me life insurance, before we were teachers, they wouldn't give me health insurance....I have been let down by them before and my biggest fear was that once again, I would be denied.  That fear is terrible.  Knowing that I am doing everything I can possibly do, everything I am asked and more - trying so hard to please and do the right thing.  And that niggling fear in the back of my head, "why bother, they are just going to deny this too.  They deny everything because you are fat."

I know it is a silly fear, the doctors and dietitian were confident I would be approved.  The logical side of me knew I would be approved, I meet all the criteria.  But my heart, my gut - was scared.  What if the fact that during the last 6 months I wasn't always perfect, I made mistakes, was going to trip me up.

But now - I go forward knowing that I CAN do it.  I have been approved and now I am anxious to get on with it.  I've been waiting my whole life to find the "inner skinny me" that I know is in there.  I want her out.

It was with renewed vigor that I went walking a mile this morning before school.  A renewed sense of moving forward and renewed sense of I CAN DO THIS!

Now....the wait for the hospital to contact me and schedule the surgery.  I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!