Hold me Accountable

So, Tuesday, June 4 will mark 4 weeks.

What has been happening since I was 1 week out?

I am exhausted all the time.  Someone recently told me that drinking my water will help with my tiredness.  So starting tomorrow I am renewing me devotion to getting more water.

I feel like I am constantly drinking....and since my food is also liquid right now - UGH - I am sick and tired of drinking.

After I last wrote I have had some troubles.  The double milks that I am supposed to drink 3 times a day to ensure enough protein....they make me sick.

I tried for like 3 days.  Each time I had some excuse for why it made me sick....overly tired, too late at night, drank it too fast, etc.   But I finally emailed the dietitian and she said my symptoms sound like lactose intolerance.

Swell.  So to the store to get some lactose free milk.  Ha ha ha - not in Wapello.  There is no lactose free milk to be found in our town.  And believe me, Mike tried all possible places to buy milk!  Luckily, a friend who works in Muscatine saw my facebook post and stopped and got some Lactaid for me.

Hurrah - I was back on track.  Nope - same exact reaction with the Lactaid as with normal milk.

So I waited a day and tried plain old milk.  Nummy, tasted great and went down fine, no side effects.

End result - it must be the dry milk mix since that was the only constant!

NOW how do I get the protein I need?  I email the dietitian again.  She suggests I drink 6 milks a day.

WAIT - hold the train.  I would have to drink 6 glasses of milk as well as 6 glasses of water a day?  I was having enough trouble getting in 6 waters and 3 milks.  NO WAY.

There was one more option, Carnation INstant Breakfast, no sugar added.  Add that to milk.  Eeew, not my favorite thing in the world, but I was doing it once a day anyway and getting it down.

I finally gave in and bought some protein powder a friend who did this surgery last July recommended.  She says it really is flavorless and she adds it to her broth.  The University of Iowa program does NOT want us using protein powders.  The reasoning is it adds extra calories that are un-needed.

My rationale - the dry milk powder was 80 calories, the protein powder is 110.  OK - so it's 30 extra - and twice a day it's 60 extra.  BUT....my "food" is like 30 calories or 80 calories, so at this stage I think I can afford the extra 60 calories.  So...rebel me...I went against the rules and bought the protein powder.

The day after I ordered it I had a revelation.  Last year I tried Body By Vi shakes for weight loss.  I really enjoyed them.  Found recipes I liked and drank a shake every day for breakfast and lunch.  I wondered how many grams of protein was in that because I knew it was 90 calories.

Well shoot - there is more protein in the Body By Vi than her darn dry milk mix!!!  AND, it tastes good and doesn't make me sick.

So for the last two days I've been drinking my Body By Vi shakes.  And the best part...it only takes TWO get get all my protein instead of 3!!!  Woo hoo, one less thing to drink!!!

Now, my frustration is my weight has already plateaued.  I am not even a month out and I have not lost anything in the last 2 weeks.

When I went to the doctor I was down 10 pounds already after only 6 days.  That was Monday.  Friday that week I was down another 8.  By the next Friday I had lost a whole 2 more pounds.  And now today - same weight as last week.

The first week when I only lost 2 pounds I had decided that it was because I had my period and the water weight and such associated with that.  So I was hoping/expecting this last week to pick back up.

Nope - seriously, exactly the same weight as last week....276.4

I am down 20.6 pounds since surgery.  Unfortuantely, the majority of that was within 10 days and now...nothing.

No, I am not cheating and eating stuff.  I'm not hungry.  I force myself to eat the 3 meals a day because I am supposed to, I need the calories and such.  Mike gets me out walking becasue I am supposed to.  (currently that's really the only exercise I am supposed to do - walk, walk, walk)  But it has been tough this week - we seem to be living in a tropical rain forest right now!  Rain rain and more rain.

So, I still am not good about getting enough water and getting walking enough.  I have pledged to myself - and am putting it on public record by writing it here - starting tomorrow I am GOING to drink 6 glasses of water every day and I am GOING to walk at least 30 minutes a day, but try for 45 minutes.

Any of you who see me are free to ask me if I am drinking and walking enough.  Hold me accountable because evidently I need a slap upside the head.

I see the doctor next Friday, June 7 - exactly 1 month post surgery.  I would REALLY like to be down some more pounds and be able to say I am drinking everything I am supposed to drink.  And I would REALLY like to not be tired all the time!

If anyone in the Wapello area feels like a walk - stop by I'd love to go walking and chatting.  Mind you - I'm not the fastest walker in the world still.  So if you are a power walker - probably better give me some more time before I can keep up with you!  But if you are okay with my pace and want to walk - stop on by, give me a call, send me a message  I'd love the company and people willing to help hold me accountable!

One Week Out

Today is 6 days post-op and I had my first post-op visit.

Good news #1 from the visit - I am down 10 pounds since surgery.  Which is a total of 40 pounds since my first appointment on October 11, 2012.  So 7 months and 40 pounds.  The first 30 were difficult to lose and took all my focus and determination to achieve.  These most recent 10 have been relatively easy - if you don't consider I had to go through a major surgery to get here!  :-)

Good news #2 from the visit - I get to start a FULL liquid diet.  What does that mean?  Since surgery I have been allowed to have water, skim milk, broth and sugar free popsicles.  NOW I get to add, smooth lite yogurt, sugar free pudding, cream soups (strained so no pieces), and I "get" to have DOUBLE milks instead of just normal milk.  Double milk is 8 ounces of skim milk and add 1/3 cup of dry milk powder.  the reason - double the protein in only 8 ounces.  Luckily, the dietitian had 4 pages of recipes to make the double milks more palatable.  I think tonight I will try the Malted Milk Ball!  (8 ounces of Chocolate milk sweetened with Splenda, 1/3 cup nonfat dry milk powder and 1 Tblsp malted milk powder.  Blend, chill and serve!)

Good news #3 from the visit - I got the drainage tube out.  Now...a word of warning...the picture I am going to post is "strong" as Mike says.  It's not explicit, it's not vulgar - it's my stomach today.  It shows the 6 incisions and the tube coming out of one.

It's hard to see all 6 - but as you look at the picture - there are 3 to the left side (all in the upper "roll") and 3 on the right side (one right by belly button, one in the upper "roll" and the 3rd one is below the upper one, kind of in the crease between the "rolls")

That tube is pinned to my pants and below that there is a bulb that I compressed after emptying and as the bulb expanded it sucked out extra fluids in my abdomen.  You can see that the fluid is reddish - but no, it is not blood.  It's juices and stuff.  It started with blood last week, but this was more orangish now and very clear, not thick like blood.

So - taking it out.  THAT was weird.  I am not sure what I imagined it looked like inside, but I was wrong.  It was a good foot long with tons of holes in it.  It was rectangular and flat and long.  The doctor simply pulled the tube out.  Did it hurt....no.  Did I feel it...YES.  The best I could possibly describe it was like I could feel a snake squirming through my abdomen.  VERY weird.  But now it's gone.  They do not sew up this incision or steri-strips or anything.  They say it heals better and with less chance of infection by allowing it to come together on it's own and heal.  Okay - not going to fight with them!

So...people have asked what the last week has been like.  I will tell you.

Tuesday, May 7 - I had to be at the hospital at 6am to check in to pre-op.  We stayed in a motel in Iowa City the night before as we are both better doing that than getting up at 4 am to drive up!

They did a pregnancy test - ha!  That made me laugh.  But that's typical procedure.  And yes, it was negative!

After I got into the hospital gown the Nurse Anesthetist showed up to go through what would happen during surgery and to get the IV started.  Now THAT is the funny part.  I make a much better pin cushion than blood giver or IV taker.  It took SIX sticks to get the IV in.  Yes, SIX.  They tried 3 times in the pre-op room.  And he was SO confident that it would go in.

Here are the remnants (taken today) from the attempts 6 days ago.

The large bruise is from the first attempt the smaller one to the left is the third attempt.  Keep in mind - this was 6 days ago.  It just keeps getting prettier and prettier!

The final destination for the IV was the top of my left foot.

The picture shows the IV spot slightly - but in real life the bruise is more evident.

Several years ago I was sick and in and out of the hospital for 3 months.  They did a bone marrow biopsy, spinal tap, skin biopsy, you name it, they did it.  To this day my mom laughs at me because I say the thing that hurt the worst was getting the IV.  But look at my skin - IVs are NOT my friend!  At least this time, the last 3 sticks were done in the OR and I had gotten nitrous oxide already.  I felt the 4th stick, but really did not care since things were floating!  NEver felt stick 5 or 6!

The surgery took longer for me than they expected.  They expected that Mike wold see my by 11:30 but it was 2:00 before he did.  I guess my rib cage is more narrow than they expected and that caused them difficulty and made them have to be slower.

When I got to my room on the floor - my mom, dad, Mike and the kids were all there to see me.  That was nice.  Then Mom and dad and the kids had to leave pretty quickly because Maggie had her conference track meet at 3:45 and then a jazz band concert at 7:30.  My parents played taxi!

That whole first afternoon and night I was allowed ice chips - that's it.  I was on a morphine PCA (patient controlled push button thing).  They also gave me tylenol through the IV and antibiotics and anti nausea meds and daily heprin to thin the blood so it doesn't clot.  Before the day ended they had me up and walking around.  My first walk took me as far as the nurse's station.  I thought I was a wimp but the Nurse Assistant who walked with me said most make it to the door of their room and turn around.  Nope - they tell me that walking is the best way to recovery so I will walk!

Through the night they woke me up every 2 hours or so do do my vitals.  And every 4 hours I had to walk.  So not a very restful night.  But at least I got a bed!  Mike got the "comfortable" hospital recliner next to my bed!  

Wednesday had me walking, trying to not take morphine very often, getting weened off IV morhpine and moving to pill form.  Plus - moving to actual drinking of water!  Starting at 6am I was allowed 30 ccs of water over 30 minutes.  That would be ONE ounce of water and take 8-10 sips over 30 minutes.  Wow - that takes patience.  Eventually they let me go to 60 ccs in 30 minutes.  Woo hoo.  Then I got broth!!  Wowsers - broth!!  That was delicious.  it was warm and salty and nummy.  I got to have 3 ounces of soup!!!  Then we found out I was going to go home!!!!  Before I left I had 2 ounces of milk!

That first night was hard at home.  I still hurt quite a bit and couldn't find a comfortable way to sleep.  The next day our recliner was here and I thought I may have to sleep in it.  But I found that sleeping in bed when I wasn't in so much pain worked just fine!  Hurrah!

Since then it's been drinking water, drinking milk and having broth and delicious, sugar-free popsicles a couple times a day.  And I have to force myself to drink - I have NO appetite at all, no desire for food at all. And going for walks 3 times a day for a total of 30 minutes.  10 minutes is still long enough at one time - I get pooped!

Saturday we went to a couple of graduation parties.  That was awesome...I finally felt like a person again, not an invalid.

Sunday morning found me getting up to get ready for church.  Now, my typical routine is to get up, shower, get ready and get dressed, then eat.  NO MORE.  I had had nothing to drink since 10pm the night before - and the warm water of the shower combined with that....nearly passed out.  Luckily I recognized what was happening and yelled for Mike and I got out before I passed out.  Then Mike ran to the grocery store because we had NO milk in the house (kids finished it at breakfast) and I NEEDED milk to regulate my blood sugars.  I did make it to church, but was shaky - not nearly feeling as human as I did at the graduation parties.  I was pretty worn out all day yesterday.

Now we arrive at today.  I don't know if I was excited about today - but I could NOT sleep last night.  I was trying to make emoticons at 2:30am just to pass the time.  (they don't work like the posts say they will, btw)

Got up today and started the day with milk!!!  Then worked on paying some bills and when Mike got home I showered to get ready to head to Iowa City.

I figured it was a good time to "document" me before we left.  

So this picture is me wearing the pants that I wore, and they fit, last fall.  I think it's time to get some smaller pants.  They are falling off and SUPER baggy in the butt and the front.  So shopping must occur!

This is my face as of today and 40 pounds down.  I just realized - this outfit I am wearing today is the outfit I wore in the picture of my first blog - the picture was taken last June on our anniversary.  So proof that these clothes used to "fit" properly.

AFter the doctor visit Mike and I tried 2 used clothing stores to look for some new clothes for me.  We tried "Stuff" first in Coralville.  HORRIBLE selection of plus-sized clothing.  And the ones they do have are not from plus-sized clothing stores.  Walmart and Old Navy do NOT specialize in plus-sized clothes and their sizes are just off. 

Then we tried the GoodWill Store nearby.  They MAY have had plus-sized clothes - but I would have had to go through 4 racks of pants one pair at a time.  They are organized by color, not by size.  They can go from size 3 to 20 to 5 to 16, one after the next.  That lasted 5 minutes and I said.....NOPE.

So - I am going to head to my normal clothing store and buy a few things I need so clothes don't fall off.  But I WILL be taking my clothes to Stuff to sell.  May as well try to get back a little money for all the clothes I have.  I love clothes - so I have a LOT of them!!

Tomorrow I start adding to my diet, but I also start my supplements.  For the rest of my life I will be taking a chewable daily multi-vitamin - 2 times a day, a chewable Calcium with D - 3 times a day, a B12, a B complex and an Iron.  In addition - for the first 9 months I take a pill 3 times a day to prevent gall stones.  This is in addition to my normal prescription meds.  The good thing, however...as I lose weight, I will probably get off at least 3 of those prescription meds I am on!!  Leaving only the pills for my asthma and allergies.  Now THAT would be fabulous!

Since some meds can't be taken together there is a list of what I take when.  To organize that for myself I bought a 7 day holder with 4 compartments for each day.

The pill bottles - minus the daily vitamin and the calcium bottles - they are huge!

One day of pills in their holder.

All 7 days of pill holders.

So - that is my life for the last week.

Things I am trying to wrap my brain around....

• I am NOT hungry.  I can honestly say I do not remember ever not being hungry!
• These clothes are NEVER going to fit again so I can get rid of them.
• This is really happening to me!  People probably think I'm nuts - because I will show, my stomach, to anyone who asks (and to 6th grade boys who don't ask...just to gross them out!)  I will freely talk about weighing 327 pounds in October and that now I am at 287.  Most women won't admit to being 145 pounds let alone 287!  But I think I am sharing because it makes it more real to me - just knowing in my head isn't enough for me.  I need to say it aloud and admit it - you know - you must admit you have a problem before you can get help.  Well admitting I am overweight and doing something about it is allowing me to get the help I want/need.

Life is moving fast.  It is an exciting time for me.  Knowing I am 40 pounds lighter and I will NEVER see 300 pounds again is an amazing feeling.

A big thanks to my mom and dad for making the 9 hour trip to be here for my surgery and to take care of my kids while we were in the hospital.  They took care of meals the whole time they were here.  Dad cooked and the kids ate and I just relaxed and had my water!  :-)

I have to say a HUGE thank you to my husband and kids.  Their support in going through this is wonderful.  No pressure from the kids, infact...last night Matthew took my nightly walk with me.  I still don't like being alone when I walk because I get a little light-headed at times.  The cute part was we ran into some of his friends and they asked him to stay and play.  His response, "When I am done taking my mom on her walk I will come back."  What an awesome kid.

Maggie does anything I need and ask for.  Sometimes she is thinking of things I may need before I do - she is awesome.

Mike - I cannot say enough about him and his support.  He had to be SO incredibly bored at the hospital.  All of Tuesday I was either in surgery or recover or out of it.  And he was there the whole time.  If I needed him, he was there.  He was feeding me ice chips like I was a baby bird - so funny.  He did do some google searching of one of my surgeons - he was a professional tennis player before he became a doctor, so Mike wanted to find out more!

He slept in that horrible recliner and was prepared to do it a second night if they decided to keep me a second night.

He walked at a snail's pace with me in the hospital halls.  At home he comes home at lunch and we go for a walk, after work, we go for a walk.  In the evening we go for a walk.  He takes time to go to every single appointment with me.  He is my rock and without him, I could not do this!  

Tomorrow!!!!!

Tomorrow is the big day.

Wow - 7 months ago, on October 11, 2012, I started this journey.  Since then I have lost 30 pounds.  Wish that made a dent...but not really!  LOL

My surgery is at 8am tomorrow at the University of Iowa Hospital in Iowa City.  My surgeon is the head of bariatric surgery at UI so that makes me happy.  I also have met the Fellow in bariatric surgery who will be assisting.  They are both wonderful men and I trust them.

Friday I spent most of the day at the hospital doing pre-op appointments.  Who knew the hoops you have to go through just to allow them to cut you!  :-)

This is laporoscopic surgery - typical 6 small incisions.  1 on top, 1 on bottom, 2 on each side.  They are closed with internal, disolvable stitches and tape on the skin.

I go home with a drainage tube sticking out one of those incisions.  Eew - it sucks out juices that are in my abdomen.  Twice a day I have to empty the drain and measure the fluid output.  You of course want that amount to go down over time and to get clearer and clearer.  They explained that if I drink milk and then have milk coming out of the drain - I should probably call right away!

How long do I stay in the hospital...many people have been asking me this.  Most people stay one night - sometimes two nights.  What is the determining factor?  That's what we asked as well.  Two big things:  is my pain controlled and am I able to take in at least 4 ounces an hour of fluids.  If all that is happening - then I go home late afternoon on Wednesday.  If not, then Thursday morning.  So....Wednesday late afternoon!

The doctors pretty much told me to expect the first week to be hellish.  Great - just what I wanted to hear!  But they assured me that if I power through that first week, life gets much, much better.  Friends who have had this done have also assured me that I will make it through that week and be great.  So...I am prepared for hell, but will muddle through so I can get on with the rest of my life!

People have been asking what I eat right away.  Here is a low down of my post-surgery diet.

First 7 days after surgery:   broth, skim milk, water, sugar free popsicles
    Yep - that's it!  I must have 1500 cc (or 50 medicine cups) every 24 hours
    Yes - I drink out of cute little 1 ounce medicine cups!

Day 8-28 after surgery:  broth, skim milk, water, sugar free popsicles  and ADD double milks (8 ounces of milk + 1/3 cup dry milk powder - doesn't that sound nummy?!?!),  light yogurt with no fruit pieces, sugar free pudding we make at home with double milk, blended and strained soups we make with double milk
    Yep - not much variety added - but a little bit more!
   Still drinking out of my cute little medicine cups!

Weeks 5 and 6 after Surgery:  Pureed diet
    all the stuff from above - but now I can have pureed fruit with no skins, pureed veggies with no skin, pureed meet (meet with broth), mashed potatoes, applesauce.
   Nice part - done with the double milks!!

Weeks 7 & 8 after Surgery:  Mechanically soft diet (chew food to puree consistency)
     now I can add fluffy scrambled eggs, toast, well cooked soft veggies (carrots) some fruits, some soft meats.  Must chew everything to the consistency of pureed food.  This is forever!

Week 9 and for the rest of my life -
     I eat whatever - avoiding the things I need to avoid - this list is long and confusing - but it is to what I tolerate.  leaving out sweets and juice and ice cream and such forever.

The doctor said something the other day that really helped me.  He was talking about how even if my body can "tolerate" the sweets, I need to avoid them.  why?  Because if my body handled them the way a "normal" body handled them - I wouldn't be here for surgery!  My body does not deal with those sugars - thus why I am the shape and size I am.  So....to maintain my new body - I must change FOREVER how I eat.

People express sadness for me when they hear that.  Don't feel badly for me.  I have made the decision to do this because I have tried for years to lose weight and simply am not able to lose it without it coming back PLUS some.  Every attempt has resulted in gained weight rather than lost.  FRUSTRATING to say the least.

Surgery is a tool - not an answer.  It is a tool that gets me started and gives me the headstart I need and the ability to keep it off IF I maintain my new lifestyle and eating habits.  I can do this!

My parents came down yesterday to be here for the surgery.  They will bring my kids to the hospital tomorrow to see me.  And then take them to Maggie's conference track meet and then quickly leave from that when she is done running to get her to the high school band/choir concert where she plays in the hs jazz band.  Glad they are here for the taxi service so Mike can worry about me.

Bought a recliner yesterday and Mike and my dad will go get it on Thursday.  Mike has wanted a recliner for 21 years.  We get it now.  Why?  For me!!!  HE says he will get it when I am recovered.  Ha - just try!

So - tonight I am staying in a motel with Mike so we can sleep as late as possible tomorrow morning.  My parents are on kid duty.  And I prepare mentally for the next week of hellishness.  And Mike prepares mentally for putting up with me over the next week!  LOL

If you pray - please keep me and my surgeons in your prayers tomorrow.   When I can get on a computer again, I will blog about how life is going.

Here is to my new life starting tomorrow morning!

Last Day......

Tomorrow, May 2, 2013 is my last day teaching in Wapello.  Friday I have my pre-op appointment and Tuesday is my surgery.  Tuesday starts a new chapter of my life.

But tomorrow ends a chapter of my life and that makes me sad.

I absolutely love all of my students.  I could not have more fun every day at work with them.  They make every day so exciting and so much fun.

Thinking about tomorrow is making me cry, knowing that I have to say goodbye, that I will no longer be their teacher.  Knowing that I will no longer get to have them a part of my everyday life.

Yes, I still live here and I will see them at games, at events, downtown.  But that simply isn't the same as getting to interact with them every single day and knowing how things are going in their lives.

A group of 6th grade girls have become my constant companions in the mornings before school in my "happy spot" in the entryway.  I've become their fashion consultant (scary thought), the one who checks their hair to make sure it's perfect, the one they whine too when their boyfriend is being dumb.  They tell me about their new Miss Me jeans and are still trying to convince me that they are awesome and worth the over $100 for one pair.  I assure them that there is no way in the world I will ever pay that much for ONE pair of jeans.  For the price of them I could get THREE pair of "normal" jeans.  And honestly, do I really want everyone looking at my butt?  That makes them laugh, laugh, laugh.  They assure me that people aren't looking at your butt, they are looking at the pockets.  Excuse me - the pockets are on the butt!  So people are looking at your butt!  They laugh and shake their heads and simply cannot figure this old lady out!

My Kindergarteners today were so excited for me to find my "surprise" ...  since I had not been to my classroom when they asked I said I had not gotten any surprise.  Well, when I did get to my classroom I found a May Basket hanging on my doorknob.  What fun!!  When I saw them later I thanked them and thanked them for the "surprise" on my doorknob!  That made their day.

Because I know myself and the fact that I cry all the time at a drop of a hat, I scheduled my last day with each classroom to be their reward day for the hard work they did on the spring programs.  The kids voted for a PE day, meaning that we meet with the PE class and play class vs. class.  I was cool with this vote because it would put us in an environment of fun and games and competition rather than me having to say goodbye.  I would be a mess if I had to spend time just saying goodbye.  So we end on a fun note and all is well with the world.

I got to spend the whole day yesterday with the 4th grade on their field trip to the Herbert Hoover Museum and Library.  That was fun and very informational.  Plus I got to sit and eat with a group of girls and compare lunches!  :-)  One girl, I think her parents thought we were going to be gone for 2 days.  She had so much food!

It is going to be a weird May, not going to work.  I know that I will be recovering from surgery and adjusting to my new life, but I will miss those darn kids.  I'm looking forward to visiting during lunch some day and of course going to the awards ceremony on the last day.

It's weird that MY last day isn't the last day of school.  It's an end, but not an end...so kind of up in the air.  I'm hoping to spend May and my recovery getting back to the scrapbooks that I have neglected for the past 2 years.  I want to try to get them at least a little closer to up to date...like Matthew should at least be born in Maggie's books!

So I go to bed tonight with a sad, but excited heart.  Ending one chapter, but anxious to turn the page and start the next one and move on.

Two Weeks to Go

Tomorrow starts the rest of my life.  I start the Pre-Op diet tomorrow.

It is a really good thing that I like mandarin oranges.  Like I told you in my last entry, I have to have blended food for all 3 meals every day for the next 2 weeks.  And on the list of blended meals they gave me, I like a whole ONE!

We bought 36 cans of mandarin oranges.  The people in the store had to think we are ridiculous.  The fun part - I did some searching on the shelved and found a no sugar added, sweetened with Splenda mandarin orange.  That means 45 calories per serving instead of like 80.  So that is awesome.  Yes, they cost a bit more than the generic, but I can live with that to get no sugar added, fewer calries and significantly less sugar per serving.

We bought the store out of the orange cream yogurt.  And the next store didn't have any.  So, still have some yogurt to buy before this is over.

March 28 I saw the doctor and I was only down 20 pounds.  He wanted me down 30-35 pounds.  32.7 to be precise.  So My goal was to get down those additional 12.7 pounds before I started the Pre-Op diet.

Well - I made 9 of those 12.7 pounds.  Not quite my goal - but I am happy with myself.  It took me 5 months to lose those first 20 pounds and I lost 9 more in the last 3 1/2 weeks.

I'm not sure if I told you that I really made a mind-set change in the last month or so.  I never thought I'd be saying that sweets weren't tempting me.  But they are not.

I NEVER dreamed I'd say no to going out to eat.  Going out to eat has been a standard thing for us for years.  WE would rather eat out than cook.  But seriously, I have no interest in going out to eat.

I made the switch somehow, some time, from Living to eat to the much healthier, eating to live.  I think Mike is getting a little weirded out by me.  Instead of wanting to go out, I'm saying, "No, I have 2 carbs and 2 proteins left and I have already planned how to fill that."   And if Mike thinks he's weirded out....so am I!  I never dreamed I'd be thinking that way.

OK - for my benefit I have decided to do pictures on Monday nights.  I'm doing tonight before my 2 weeks of Pre-Op blended food.  I will do the Monday night before surgery.  I'm thinking every month after that.  Maybe every 2 weeks?!  We'll see.  If you have a definite opinion or thought - please let me know.

Here is am - full body.  I will tell you that the jeans I am wearing in this picture are a size smaller than I was wearing in October when this started.

Because I believe that faces show weight loss I am also doing a face shot each time.

And here is the face shot.

I am already looking forward to seeing the pictures to come and see my own transformation.  

If I was REALLY brave I'd do a Biggest Loser type picture.  But I don't own bike shorts or sports bras...so I guess the bravery doesn't really matter!  

I've had "my last supper" and I am ready to start my new life.  Bring it on!

Date is Set

I was going to write a blog today entitled "I want to be a Patient, not have Patience" - because I was getting frustrated waiting to hear a date for my surgery.

Then, today I got an email with my surgery date!!!

Tuesday, May 7 is the day my new life begins.  I go in on Friday, May 3 for my pre-op visit and preparation information for the surgery.

I am SO excited!!!

For the 2 weeks prior to surgery I have to "prepare" my intestines and they want me to cut as much weight during that time as possible.  So I start a special pre-op diet on Tuesday, April 23.

They want my small intestines to be basically empty without having to do any bowel prep or enema.  (for this I am thankful)

The special diet is a blended diet...everything has to be blended to applesauce consistency.  AND, it's 1200 calories one day, 800 calories the next - back and forth.

The funny part is, they gave me a bunch of recipes for meal ideas.  I like a whole ONE of them.  So - for 14 days I will be having the same meal 3 times a day.  The difference between the two calorie days is slight.  Goes from 300 calories a meal for one day and then 175 calories a meal for the next day.

LUckily - I do really like the one meal on the list.

1 cup mandarin oranges, 6 ounces non-fat orange cream yogurt, 1 cup milk - blended together.

the other day

3/4 cup mandarin oranges, 6 ounces non-fat orange cream yogurt, 1/3 cup milk - blended together.

Since I did Body By Vi as one of my attempts at weight loss, I get the blended meal thing.  I know that if I freeze the fruit and then blend it I end up with a smoothie rather than just liquid.  Add a little ice to the mix and it's perfect.

I decided that I would try the blended meal tonight for supper and yep, I do like it!  Not sure what I will think about it after 3 meals a day for 14 days....but I will survive!

So - now the real patience starts....waiting for 3 weeks.  I am so excited I can hardly stand it!!!!

The plan is I will update with a picture the day before surgery, then I think monthly after that.  Not just so you can see my progress but so I can see it and have it documented for myself.  I will use that as my encouragement to keep going and stay strong and never look back.

APPROVED!!!

As my title says....I am APPROVED for surgery!

I got the letter from Blue Cross in the mail yesterday. 

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited that little piece of paper made me.  I have cried so many tears and prayed so many prayers about this and it all comes down to a little piece of paper.

I was looking through the mail last evening, after a hectic day, and saw the return address on one envelope of Blue Cross.  I quietly opened that letter and read and read.  Lots of medical mumbo jumbo....but skip to the good part - approved!  I just hugged Mike.

I think through all of this, the hardest part has been the fear of insurance denying me.  They won't give me life insurance, before we were teachers, they wouldn't give me health insurance....I have been let down by them before and my biggest fear was that once again, I would be denied.  That fear is terrible.  Knowing that I am doing everything I can possibly do, everything I am asked and more - trying so hard to please and do the right thing.  And that niggling fear in the back of my head, "why bother, they are just going to deny this too.  They deny everything because you are fat."

I know it is a silly fear, the doctors and dietitian were confident I would be approved.  The logical side of me knew I would be approved, I meet all the criteria.  But my heart, my gut - was scared.  What if the fact that during the last 6 months I wasn't always perfect, I made mistakes, was going to trip me up.

But now - I go forward knowing that I CAN do it.  I have been approved and now I am anxious to get on with it.  I've been waiting my whole life to find the "inner skinny me" that I know is in there.  I want her out.

It was with renewed vigor that I went walking a mile this morning before school.  A renewed sense of moving forward and renewed sense of I CAN DO THIS!

Now....the wait for the hospital to contact me and schedule the surgery.  I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!