Motivation

Today, a bariatric blogger I follow asked the question, "What motivates you and has it changed over time?"

I answered quickly...it was success.  Then I added how I looked/clothes fit.  Then I added how great I have been feeling.

Then I thought about it more. And I added how recently I was visiting a town I used to live in and hadn't been there for over a year.  The reaction people had to me was incredible.

Some people did not recognize me at first.  One woman told me I was "melting away."

This all made me feel very good, but also made me look in the mirror with new eyes.

When I step on the scale, when I buy clothes - I feel the success I am having.  The scale tells me I am nearly 75 pounds lighter than when I started in October.  The clothes I am buying - pants a full 5 sizes smaller - show me I really am thinner.

But when I look in the mirror, I still see the same fat girl I have always seen.  Yes, I DO see that my face is thinner...but I see the flabby arms, the puckered cellulite of my thighs, and the rolls of my stomach.

Mike tells me that I look thinner - heck, he calls me "shrinking boobs!!"  OK - he has only called me that once.  But he is right...they are shrinking.  But I still see that they are quite large.

I have read and heard that wrapping your brain around your new body is one of the hardest parts of weight loss surgery.  I am starting to believe it.

Seeing old friends and "seeing" myself through their eyes granted me the opportunity to look at myself differently, to look in the mirror differently.

In fact, it prompted me to do a side by side picture of me a year ago - the way they saw me last, and me now.

That is me in June 2012 at 327 pounds on the left and me two days ago at 253 pounds  on the right.

Honestly, I look at the current picture and I still see the flaws, the areas I want to improve, the areas of fat.  But I DO see the difference now.  I especially see it in my face - but I see it in my thighs, my stomach, even across my shoulders.

I suppose it is normal, even human, to see the flaws in oneself.  I do not know if I will ever look at myself and see thin.

Honestly, even if I reach the doctor's goal of 200 pounds, I will still be technically obese.  The goal is a BMI of 30 - that is obese.  Yes, obese, not just overweight.  I am currently morbidly obese.  So it will be a downgrade, that is for sure.

For my height, the target weight is 143.  By 164, it is considered HIGH.

My current BMI at 253 pounds is 39.6  - but that is down significantly from the 51.4 I started at in October.

But it's difficult to process that after all this work, after everything I am doing and everything I have done to get where I am, the goal is still obesity.

I know in my HEAD that a BMI of 30 and a weight of 200 pounds is significantly better than a BMI of 51 and weight of 327 pounds.

But in my HEART I still think obese.

The head and the heart are such difficult things, at times, to reconcile.  I need to work on having my heart see things the way my head does.  I need to work on accepting that even though the "charts" say obese ...it is so much better than where I started.  Charts are simply charts - they are not what rule me.

I am healthier, I feel better.  I am off all prescription meds for my co-morbidities.  The only prescription I still take is for my asthma.  THAT is what I need to focus on...I am healthier.

Health is why I started this journey in the first place.  Not because I wanted to "win" on the chart.  But because I want to be here when my children have children.  I want to be able to play with my grandchildren and have fun, not just watch them have fun.

I know that I am being successful, that I am doing wonderful things for myself.  The scale and the sizes of my new clothes are concrete ways for me to know that I am making strides.

Wrapping my heart around the new me is proving a little bit more difficult, but I know that I will get there.

In the mean time, my recent visit with old friends has made me look at myself differently.  I need to start seeing myself through the eyes of others and see the success that I am having.

I need to focus on the positives and keep moving forward toward a healthier me.  THAT is my motivation each day.

Size doesn't matter....but....

OK - several years ago, after many years of being depressed over what size clothes I wore, I took on a different attitude.  I didn't care what size it was, I cared how I looked in it.

I had been convinced nothing looked good on me - and my amazing husband convinced me otherwise.  He "made" me throw away my frumpy dresses and get nicer clothes and better quality clothes.  He said I needed to dress better because when I dressed better I felt better about myself.

And he was right.  It started me feeling better about myself and made me more confident in my dealings with difficult people.  It was easy to be bleh about things when I was dressed in a frumpy dress.  But when I dressed well, I felt better about myself, I looked better.

It has carried over to how I dress even when not working - I no longer want to wear jeans and a t-shirt...I want to look better than that.

So, I became a clothes hound of sorts.  I had LOTS of clothes and since they were good quality they lasted for years.  I really liked my clothes.

I don't have those clothes any more...they are all too big.  That's a cool feeling.  But it was hard to see them go - they helped define me, they were what helped give me confidence in myself.

Now I am down to a couple of pair of pants and about 7 shirts - all new.

Now the exciting part.

Warning - girl information!

Before surgery I wore a 44DD bra.  I didn't think my breasts were shrinking - well... a few weeks ago I realized, my bras were simply too big.  Mike even, out of the blue, called me "shirnking boobs"!  LOL

Over the 4th of July I went bra shopping.  I am now wearing a 40DD.  OMG - I don't remember wearing a 40!

Last summer at this time some of my capris were a 4X - which is a 30/32.  My shirts were mostly 3X, some were 4X.

The beginning of June I bought one pair of capris....size 26.  I then ordered some 2X and 24 and waited until they fit.  2 weeks ago I started wearing those.  I ordered 2 more pair because I was sick of having 1 or 2 pairs of pants and that was it.  Saturday I put on the new pair of 24s and realized...THEY ARE TOO BIG as well.

Today I returned the 2nd pair of 24s I ordered.  I tried on new clothes and got 1 pair of 22s and TWO PAIR OF 20s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is right - I bought pants in a size 20.

Now for those of you who say 20 is large - yes, it still is large.  But last year I was wearing a 30!!!  I am down 5 sizes.  OMG - that is incredible to me.

Shirts - I have been wearing some 2X shirts and they are getting too big.  I bought 1X shirts over the 4th of July.  They are fitting nicely.

So size really doesn't matter - but it sure is cool to be in sizes I simply do not remember wearing.  My wedding dress was a 22 or 24 and needed alterations to fit because it was the largest size available.

I feel hypocritical being so excited about a size...but it's a tangible thing that proves to me that my weight loss efforts are being successful.  So for now - I am allowing myself to "get hung up" on the size of my clothes.  I am excited to see where I end up a year from now!

The "Easy Way Out?"

I've been thinking about this for a few weeks now.

The University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics has a monthly support group for people who have had or are considering having weight loss surgery.  It is held on the first Tuesday of every month.

At the July meeting, we were talking after our speaker had left.  There were 5 of us who had all had surgery - ranging from 4 weeks out to 5 years out.

We were discussing many different aspects of life after surgery.  But something came up that has been bothering me since then.  ALL of us have had at least one person say that we "took the easy way out" by having surgery.

This made all 5 of us laugh.  Easy way....I think not.

Let's start with the 6 months leading up to surgery.  During this time you have to change the way you have lived for your whole life.  MANY, MANY people said to me during this time, "You're doing so well and losing weight, maybe you won't need the surgery."

The problem is - I was in a constant state of hunger.  I was having to keep a food diary and monitor every bite that went into my mouth.  I was on a 1,400 calorie diet.  That sounds easy enough....until you start keeping track of calories and figuring out how quickly 1,400 calories is gone.  I can honestly say that during that time, I never felt satisfied, I always had a gnawing hunger pain.  But, I had to see the dietitian monthly and she reported to insurance.  And if I wanted insurance to approve my surgery, I had to prove I could change my ways and stick to a regimen.

After 5 months I had lost....ready... a whopping 20 pounds.  I had followed every single rule, done everything they asked and I had lost a whole 20 pounds.  And this is what people said would make it so I didn't need the surgery?!?!  I think not.

I remember talking to a friend who was saying that I was doing so well and she hoped I wouldn't need the surgery because it would be so hard to live the way I would have to post-surgery.  I told her that honestly - it will be a WHOLE lot easier to live after surgery than it was then.  I was eating very little, doing everything "right" and still lost only 20 pounds.  When you have 6 times that to lose....that is daunting.

So - that first 6 months was horrible.  I was hungry all the time, felt lousy about myself that even doing everything "right" I still couldn't lose weight...I felt like a failure.  And yet people think I was taking the easy way out?

Now it's the 2 weeks before surgery.  During that time they want you to lose as much more weight as possible.  Why?  The lower your BMI going into surgery, the lower the risks.  The more weight you have lost, the more your organs will have shrunk making surgery easier.

I went onto the 800 calories one day, 1,200 the next rotation.  Oh, and it was a liquid diet packed with protein.  And lucky me - since there were so few options I had the same exact thing for every meal for 14 days.  Just some days I had less of it because it was an 800 calorie day.

But this is easy...right?

Now I'm at surgery.  Honestly - that was the easiest part - they put me to sleep and I woke up like 6 hours later on a morphine drip!  I DID, however, have 6 holes in me and a tube sticking out of one of them draining this nasty looking crud.

After a few hours they made me start getting up and walking around.  But first they had to take the compression things off my calves - they were on the whole time in the hospital, squeezing my calves to help circulation and reduce the risk of blood clots.

I can honestly say that yes, my 6 incisions hurt, but the morphine did a nice job of controlling that.  What hurt worse was my shoulder.  When they do abdominal surgery they puff you up with gas so they have room to work.  They do suck it out, but there is residual gas - and it goes to your shoulder.  And the morphine and tylenol does NOTHING to touch that pain.  They had warned me about that - but I had no clue what I was in for.  Wowsers.  Luckily that lasted only a couple of days.

Oh wait - but this is easy.

Now I am at home.  I have NO energy, I hurt, but I MUST get up and walk every 2 hours.  I had to look quite a fright when people saw me and Mike walking around outside.  I could NOT stay awake, so I was constantly sleeping and then going for walks, then sleeping, then walking, etc.  When you are used to being constantly moving - it is weird to fall asleep waiting for your 3 minute timer to go off.

Why a 3 minute timer?  Because I had to take tiny sips of liquid.  It was supposed to take me like 8 sips to drink ONE ounce.    One ounce is the size of those little medicine cups you get with children's liquid medicine.  They sent me home with a bunch of those to use to drink my water, broth, milk, etc.

But I can't just take the 8 sips right in a row - I am supposed to space them out and take 20-30 minutes to drink that one ounce!  Talk about an effort in patience!  So I set a timer for 3 minutes and seriously would fall sound asleep after taking my sip.  I had to mark tallies for when I finished a 1 ounce cup because I was so sleepy I could not remember how many I had drunk.  And let me tell you - I know I forgot to mark tallies and sometimes double marked - I was so out of it.

AFter a day or so - I could do 2 ounces in 30 minutes and eventually 4 ounces in 30 minutes.  That is how my first week went - sleeping, drinking, walking, sleeping drinking, sleeping, drinking.

But remember - this is the easy way.

Then came FULL liquid diet - now I can add creamed soups and yogurt and pudding and jello.  Woo hoo.  I craved chewing SO MUCH.  And this phase lasted THREE weeks.  Yes, THREE WEEKS.  But remember - this is easy!

I was so sick of liquids and yogurt and pudding and jello.  I haven't had yogurt, pudding or jello since.  I should again, but it may be a little while.

During this stage I really struggled.  By 2 weeks post surgery I had lost 20 pounds...then I stopped losing.  For the next 2 weeks I lost nothing.

In addition to being down about that, I was so weak it was crazy.  I couldn't be alone if I needed to shower.  Mike had to be there because more than once I nearly passed out in the shower.  WE finally figured out to put a chair in the shower so I could sit and wash my hair.

I learned the hard way that I MUST eat (in this case drink) something before showering or I would collapse.  I would get so weak and so light headed, it was crazy.  But hey, don't worry - this weight loss surgery stuff is the easy way out.

Finally I talked to a friend who did surgery last year in July.  She made me realize that my body was telling me I was starving - and when our bodies go into starvation mode, they hold weight rather than lose it.  So I "cheated" and started pureed foods a few days early.  AND, actually I majorly cheated and skipped puree and went straight to soft foods, like fish and mashed potatoes.

What happened?  I started to lose weight again, and I had more strength and energy!

At my 1 month appointment I was cleared to swim and now that is how I exercise rather than walking.  Why?  It burns like 4 times the calories and I enjoy it MUCH more than walking and sweating and getting eaten by the gnats and mosquitoes.

Now I am on to a "normal" bariatric diet.  What is normal?  Well honestly, what I want.  I tried red meat for the first time tonight and it seemed to go okay.  I have been nervous because red meat is hard to chew to applesauce consistency.  But I had a hot beef sandwich (minus the bread).  So it was shredded beef already and that helped.

Now comes the "easy" part...right?!?!  NOT!

I have now had 5 incidents of dumping syndrome and other than one of them - I did nothing that I would have thought would cause it.  The one time...well, I had some monkey bread.  Nope - I learned that sugar is NOT a friend to me any more at all.

But seriously - the other 4 times, I had eaten something that I had eaten before and for some reason this time it caused me to get sick.  I never know if I am going to get sick or be okay.  Eating is a constant guessing game.

A couple of weeks ago we were travelling to my in-laws' place.  I needed to eat something along the way.  WE stopped, I found something that I had eaten before and it had gone well - so I got it again.  I was fine.  TWO hours down the road, horrible cramps - like breathe through the labor pain type of cramps.  And then all of a sudden - I knew I was going to be sick.  I grabbed the tub we use as a garbage in the car and vomitted several times.

I prayed and prayed that I would only vomit, since usually I get diarrhea as well.  Luckily, I was able to only vomit and then hold the rest for 15 miles until Mike could find a gas station to stop at so I could "finish" the job.

But remember - this is the easy way.

What I am trying to say through all of this.  Weight Loss Surgery is NOT an easy way out.  It is NOT a miracle cure.

Weight Loss Surgery is a "tool" to help the severely obese lose weight.  It is most certainly NOT for everyone.  in order to be approved, you have to show them that you are serious - you can change your habits and commit to a new, changed life.

PEople who choose weight loss surgery have struggled with their weight, have tried diet after diet after diet and feel like a yo-yo.  People who have surgery often times feel horrible about themselves and their inability to lose weight.  We can eat the same thing as the person next to us and they lose weight and we gain it.

Being severely obese is a horrible feeling and you feel like you can never win.

I was given a tool on May 7 and I am using that tool to my advantage.  I now eat 800 calories a day and exercise 60 minutes.  I drink lots of water.  I have given up all pop for the rest of my life.

Every surgery patient is different and finds what they can and cannot eat.  I found out this last week that eating sugar is NOT something I will try again for a long time.  I do not want to feel like that again.

I used to enjoy eating, going out to eat.  I would look forward to planning meals and what I would have.

That is gone.  I now eat because my body says it needs food.  I can't say I am scared of food, but I am defintiely tentative about what I will put into my body now.  I don't look forward to food, I eat because I need to.

I have been told that will change and I will enjoy food again.  I just know that right now it is easier to stick to the things I know won't make me sick.  Trying "new" things is an adventure - I mean, who thought cantaloupe would cause me to be sick?!  I simply do not know how my body will react to food that I have eaten my whole life.  So I add things one at a time and make sure they are okay before making them a staple in my diet.

Surgery is most certainly not the easy way out.  Deciding to do this and doing this and now living this is the hardest thing I have ever done.  But I would do it all again in a heart beat.  Why?  Because I have accepted that it is a tool to help me lose weight and be healthier.

Today I have lost a total of 67 pounds since last October when I started the process, 37 pounds since surgery.  Today I am able to listen to my body in a way that I was never able to before surgery.

That is a key thing - surgery patients really learn to listen to their body and what it is telling them.  We don't get full like you do - it's a VERY different feeling.  Hunger, too, is a VERY different feeling.  And learning what those feelings are and what they mean is difficult.

So to all out there who think that people who have weight loss surgery are just taking the easy way out - I say, NO.  We chose the hard path because we desperately wanted to make a change in our lives and we took this chance to gain a tool to give us some extra help.

So please - if you know someone, remember, this is the hardest thing they have ever done in their lives and they need your encouragement and support, not your condemnation and judgement.  Help make their path a little easier.

EVERYONE is beautiful!

UPworthy.com  is a web-site that's "tag line" is

Things that matter.  Pass 'em on.

Today, that is what my blog is - seriously - just passing on a 7 minute video that I hope you will take the time to watch.

This young woman is an inspiration.  She has figured out what WAY too many people in our world have not.

She shares her thoughts and rather than me trying to tell you mine and how they are the same....you should just watch the video.

EVERYONE is beautiful.....God makes NO mistakes.

http://www.upworthy.com/she-had-a-pretty-woman-moment-at-a-dress-shop-but-her-response-is-way-better-than-julia-roberts?c=ufb1

NOT a Choice

Way back in October when I first blogged I talked about how people/society feel that it is okay to treat people poorly because they are obese.

I talked about a friend who had shared with me an experience with her doctor at her annual exam.  A DOCTOR felt that he was free to say he wished he could take all "you fat girls" and put them on an island without food so they would lose weight, etc.

Seriously - if a doctor, who is educated and should know better, feels that he has the right to put people down and belittle them for being obese....no wonder the average person you encounter feels they can as well.

People in general do not understand that obesity is NOT A CHOICE.  It's not like I chose to be fat.  I didn't sit down one day in 1st or 2nd grade and say, "Hmmm - you know what, I think I want to be overweight."

Why do I say 1st or 2nd grade?  Because I know that when I was younger I was thin.  But I have pictures of myself in 3rd grade - and I am no longer thin.

I spent junior high and high school being teased, called names and being belittled because of my weight.  One boy in high school decided that he had the right to call me "moose" every time he saw me.  I saw this "boy" again as adults.  We were both at a music teacher convention - and he decided then, as adults, that he should call me names and put me down in front of other professionals.  Needless to say, he is NOT one of my favorite people.

Is it any wonder that obese people struggle with weight loss?

Last week a former student of mine posted something on his facebook page that hit a nerve for me - big time.  He wrote (I may not have it exactly right - he has blocked me because of my response so I cannot go back to verify the wording):  "Dear Morbidly Obese Person:  Maybe instead of the triple cheeseburger you should spend that money on a gym membership.  You're welcome."

I replied about how rude I thought that was and that until you have walked a mile in someone's shoes you do not know why they are who they are.

He replied that this person needed "tough love" and needed someone to be rude to them and tell them the truth because being nice didn't work.

OMG - I was frustrated.  I attempted to explain that as a morbidly obese person who has tried over and over to lose weight and have failed over and over...there is more to it than that.  I tried to explain that most obese people feel horrible about it and wish with everything they have that they were NOT obese, but have failed SO MANY times they often give up.

I guess this incident really hit me hard.  Here is a 20 something who had me as a teacher at age 10 and heard my first day talk about how we don't EVER put people down.  That it doesn't matter if you are 45 or 7, when someone makes fun of you, it hurts.

As an obese person I can say that when you have tried over and over and over to lose weight and failed, over and over and over.  Your self-esteem goes in the toilet.

I can honestly say that I have had no self-esteem for as long as I can remember.  As people get to know me, some have been surprised to find that out because I always seem so happy.

I decided long ago that it was safer to be happy - or appear that way - than to let people see how little I believed in myself.

OK - total truth time - never put all of  this into words before....

High School was complete hell for me.  I was not treated well be people - but some of it was brought on by my own behavior.  I so desperately, desperately wanted to be liked and have friends.  I so desperately wanted people to notice something GOOD about me instead of always pointing out my weight.  So what did I do?  I bragged about my grades or anything else that I did well.

Did this help me - NOPE.  It only made things worse.  Now not only did they think I was fat - they thought I was vain.

A classmate did a "great" job of bringing it all back to me at my 20th reunion.  There was a slide show that a classmate had put together.  One of the pictures I submitted was a birthday party picture from when I was like 6.  The other kids there were mostly from my class.

This classmate, at age 38 for goodness sakes, when he saw that picture said, "Look, it's when Molly actually had friends."

Those 7 words pretty much summed up all of my feelings about school.  In 7 words he ruined my class reunion for me.  In 7 words he pretty much determined that I would not be back for another reunion.

NEVER in my life have I stood up to those people who felt it ok to belittle or make fun of me.  NEVER in my life did I have the guts to say, "Yes, I'm fat.  Yes, I wish I was thinner.  Yes, I need help."

So when this young man posted that rude comment last week - I spoke out for the young woman he was putting down.  Why?  Because I remember the years of silence and pain.  I remember how horrible it feels when someone teases you, puts you down, belittles you and thinks they are "helping" you.  I also remember the pain of wishing I could tell them how they made me feel, but not having the guts because I was sure all that would lead to was more teasing and belittling.

To this day I cannot stand up for myself.  I have been taught through years and years of "training" or "conditioning" that I am paranoid and think people are out to get me.  That I "make more of things" than I should and I "take things too personally."

Yes, those are honestly the words and phrases that have been said to me by a person whose opinion mattered more than anything to me.  I learned to believe that I should allow people to treat me this way and just take it.  So now, at age 44, I still cannot stand up for myself for fear that I'm just making too much of it.  I have been conditioned to believe I should allow people to treat me that way.

My last 8 months have done much for my self-esteem.  Writing this blog has allowed me an outlet for my emotions and my thoughts.  I can write here all the things I wished I would say to these people who feel they can treat people rudely.

Before I started this journey, I would never have replied to this 20 something and told him how wrong he was.  I would have read it and fumed silently.

What is bringing this all out today?

The American Medical Association has adopted a new policy that officially labels obesity as a disease "requiring a range of medical interventions to advance obesity treatment and prevention," according to an AMA statement.

That's right - as of today - Obesity is a disease.  Something that every obese person has known in their heart.  

"Obesity has been considered for a long time to be a failure of personal responsibility -- a simple problem of eating too much and exercising too little," he said. "But it's a complex disease... we're hoping attitudes will change."

I am thrilled that the AMA has made this statement and hope that it means that obese children will not have to grow up thinking that their weight is their fault, that they are a failure.  

It is my hope that with this newly adopted policy, obese children and adults can get the help they need to defeat this disease.  

I am not naive enough to think that just because the AMA has adopted this policy that all public views will change.  But I hope, as they do, that attitudes will change.  

I became a teacher to "help kids through the hell we call high school."  I wanted to be a teacher that kids  knew they could trust and count on.  A teacher that kids knew would be there for them.  I wanted to be able to be a place for kids to come and feel safe and respected.

I hope this new policy will help make our society a place that helps obese people through the hell we call life as an obese person.  I know it won't be immediate, I know it will take time.  But if it can help save ONE person from feeling like I have felt my whole life, it will be awesome.

Eating and Drinking after Weight Loss Surgery

Weight Loss Surgery (WLS)  patients have many "rules" to follow post surgery but the one that was hardest for me to understand until recently was the following.

Nothing to drink for 30 minutes before you eat.

Nothing to drink while you eat.

Nothing to drink for at least 30 minutes after you eat.

So that means, since you are supposed to take 30 minutes to eat, that for 90 minutes  you may not have anything to drink.

Now I don't know about you, but drinking has always been a part of my meals.  I mean, forever.  That's when we make our children have a glass of milk...at least that's how it was when I was growing up.  It's what we have done with our kids.

For breakfast, you have juice - some of you have coffee.

Some people have wine or other adult beverages.

It's a part of our culture - we drink when we eat.

So I asked the dietitian why it's so important.  She talked about how it causes the pouch (my new tummy) to empty faster and can lead to over eating.

I asked, "What if I drink my milk while I eat, but I only eat what I am supposed to, I stick to the rules, even if I am hungry and want more?"

She was insistent that NO, I need the milk a few hours after my meals to regulate blood sugars and to get my protein and maintain satisfaction.

Last week, on another WLS person's facebook page she shared a link to the following youtube video.  It's not very long, but click on it and take a couple minutes to watch.

Why you do NOT drink during and after meals.

After watching this, I will NOT drink...not even sip...during a meal or for 30 minutes after I finish.  I admit, I was a sipper...I mean, come on, what could a little sip harm.

Well, this demonstration has cured me.

So how do you deal with this when our culture is so centered around drinking while we eat?

 Waiters and waitresses are trained to make sure people have full drinks at all times, they kind of get thrown if you order nothing.  So, when I go to a restaurant, I simply ask for a water and then I put it to the side. That way I don't have to explain to the server why I don't want anything.  Servers already look at me goofy when I ask for a to-go box as soon as my meal is delivered.  But that is how I do my portion control...leave my appropriate sized serving on my plate and put the rest in the to-go box and close it to take home.

The first time I tried that to-go box thing, I failed miserably.  Luckily, or not, it was months before my surgery.  We were out to one of our favorite places in the area, The Thirsty Camel.  They have THE BEST meal...Camel Turds.  Yes, you read that right, camel turds.  Sirloin tips lightly breaded and fried.  DELICIOUS!

So, I got a to-go box and put 2/3 of the meal in there and close it.  Well, before we left, I had eaten it all.  It is just so darn good!  But on future visits I was successful - and that just meant that I got to have those delicious turds the next 2 days!!!

After watching the video - if you read my blog on dumping - you can see how drinking while eating or to soon after eating can also cause dumping.  Dumping is the food getting to the intestines too quickly.  You saw what happened when he simulated drinking just a half glass.  That equals food passing through too quickly.  And after my experience with dumping, I do not want to do that again.

I have yet to figure out exactly why the 30 minutes before are supposed to be drink free.  On this fb page of the other WLS person, many of the people have said that they were not given that rule and they were told that they could drink right up til eating.

I, however, am not willing to risk it and I try very hard to not drink for the 30 minutes leading up to eating.  I fail at times, but try to only have sips.

But I will no longer be sipping during my meal and will stick to those 30 minutes following the meal as well.

Dumping

Dumping Syndrome:  according to Mayo Clinic's definition

Dumping syndrome is a group of symptoms that are most likely to develop if you've had surgery to remove all or part of your stomach, or if your stomach has been surgically bypassed to help lose weight. Also called rapid gastric emptying, dumping syndrome occurs when the undigested contents of your stomach move too rapidly into your small bowel. Common symptoms include abdominal cramps, nausea and diarrhea.

Most people with dumping syndrome experience symptoms soon after eating. In others, symptoms may occur one to three hours after eating. Some people experience both early and late symptoms.

In layman's terms....eat too fast or something that disagrees...cramps, vomiting and diarrhea.

Nearly everyone who has gastric bypass surgery has or will experience this at some point.

Well, I have now had my turn.  On Wednesday, at 5 weeks and 1 day out from surgery, my lunch did not agree with me.  I was putting sunscreen on Matthew so he could go to the pool.  I had to stop I had such extreme cramping.  Well I have had gas cramps before - so I didn't find it all that odd.  It passed, I went back to doing the sunscreen duty.

Off and on, the cramping continued but I could survive.  Then I decided I had better go to the bathroom because it wasn't just gas.  On my way to the bathroom I quickly detoured to the kitchen and grabbed a large bowl because I realized I was going to vomit as well.

Maggie followed me, all worried and wondered if she should get dad.  She was so concerned, it was wonderful.

I was SO tired after that I slept for over 2 hours and still felt kind of blechy all evening.

Upon thinking through my food choices and speed of eating, etc I recalled that the day before I had also had the same meal and had cramping - but that was it.

The culprit?   Cantaloupe.  I guess that will be a food that I avoid, at least for awhile.  Not real willing to try again right now.  Do NOT want a repeat performance from Wednesday!

So, last time I blogged I was excited about my upcoming interview.

It went well, I was very pleased.  i was very optimistic...too optimistic, evidently.  I received the phone call today telling me that they offered the job to someone else.  They said it was a difficult decision and that I interviewed well, but that they went with another candidate.

I had already figured this out since I was told that they would know today and my phone call did not come until after 4:00.  In other words, they were calling their first choice and waiting for the response before calling me to say no thanks.  If I had been their choice, I would have received the call earlier in the day.

This has posed a dilemma for me.  In the past when I have felt extremely down and worthless, cheetos with dip were my comfort.

At this point - I have nothing to use for comfort!!  I guess I could get some cheetos and dip - but the likelihood is that I would dump again.  And since I  really have NO desire to dump again...

So, I have spent WAY too much of my day feeling sorry for myself.  I keep replaying the interview over and over trying to figure out what I did wrong.

It's frustrating have 18 very successful years of teaching and not being good enough for the job.  Especially frustrating is applying for 9 jobs and having 8 of them not even bother to interview me.  Some of that, I assume, is that I DO have 18 years of experience and that means I am more expensive than a new teacher.  So not getting an interview, although it bothers me and hurts, is much easier to deal with than getting an interview and then being rejected.

There are no more job openings in any surrounding areas at this point.  So now I sit and pray that another job opens up and that it will be the job I am meant to have.

In the mean time...I need to figure out my new way of coping.  My dietitian would probably recommend water since I never seem to get enough of that.  So... that is what I will try.  I don't think it will be quite as tasty as my cheetos and dip, however!