Thank You!

I have been absent for the past week, lots going on in life and school.  Getting ready for programs in 2 weeks means busy, busy, busy!

Facebook has this thing - 30 days of Thankfulness.  People are posting each day about the things they are thankful for.

I have been doing this all month.  Each day I try to think about the things that I am truly thankful for.

Last Friday I was already having a crappy morning, following a crappy Thursday.  I was in my classroom, not my happy place in the entry way.  I was too crabby to be in the entry way, I was hiding in my classroom.

In come 3 students.  These 3 kids are bouncy, energetic and well, goofy!  I love them.  They came into my room to put their horns away for band later in the afternoon.  Then they spent the next 10 minutes joking around with me, being silly and totally cheering up my day.

It's things like that that remind me how important our attitudes are and how much we can affect other people.

These kids didn't set out to cheer me up - they just came in and were being their normal, goofy selves!  Without trying, without knowing how much good they were doing, they made my day so much better.

What we say and do affect the people around us.  Both negatively and positively.

ONE negative word or comment can cause someone pain.  Something unintentionally said or done can cause another person pain or sadness.

It's so important to be observant of how our actions and words affect the people around us.  Even when people don't want us to know, often we can tell by their actions, their tone, their manner.

I am trying very hard, not always successfully, to be more observant of those around me.  Why?  Because I know that I am an expert of hiding my true feeling when someone is hurtful to me.  I quickly put on a front so that it appears that it doesn't hurt or bother me.  But honestly, it hurts to the core.  I take things personally and when someone says/does something hurtful, it cuts me deeply.  But instead of telling them, I hide it.

Why do I hide it?  I don't want to appear weak?  I think more over I am worried that if they see they hurt me they will know how to "get to me" and do it in the future.

That is a remnant of my growing up years and being bullied for my weight and my intelligence.  I learned then that when I let on that it hurt me, they did it more.  I learned then to put up a front and not show my true emotions - not let them know that they were hurting me.

We learn young how to protect ourselves, protect our hearts.  We learn how to raise our defenses so as not to let others past them.

The problem with that....just because we pretend that it doesn't bother us or hurt us doesn't mean that it truly doesn't.  Fact is, it affects us greatly and more than that - the more that we try to hide it, the more we are hurting ourselves.

I know that for me, personally, when I hide my feeling and pretend that I'm not hurting...I get even more hurt inside because somehow I think they should realize just how hurtful they are being.  Hmmm - so I won't tell them they are hurting me, I pretend they are not, but expect them to know?  Yikes - that's backwards!

Backwards, that's me!  But I truly think that my youth plays a big part in that.  It was easier to hurt inside twice over than to let the others know they were hurting me because when I did, they hurt me more - they took joy in hurting me.

I hope that as adults, people don't take joy in hurting other adults, but that old habit is way too hard to break.  It's too risky for me to admit they are hurting me, I've been burned way too many times.

So, back to my original topic - we have so much to be thankful for and I have been trying very hard to be focusing on those things.  And as I do that I have been trying to be more observant of the people around me and how things are affecting them.

Can I be a positive in their lives.  Can I be there for them when I see that they are hurting?  Can I help pick them up?  I know that for me when someone notices that I am hurting, it means the world to me.  They may not be able to fix it, they may not be able to make the situation better...but the fact that they are paying attention and noticing that I hurt makes all the difference.

So I guess that I have decided that if someone noticing for me makes that much of a difference...maybe I can make a difference for others by paying attention and noticing when others are hurting.

So over all, I am thankful for my life experiences (yes, even the bad ones) because they have made me who I am.  I think that my experiences have allowed me to be a better mom, wife, teacher, friend than I would be if I hadn't had all of those experiences.

So, thank you God, for my life.  For giving me the most amazing husband I could ever have.  He "gets" me more than I could ever imagine!  He doesn't always understand why I react the way I do, but he is always supportive.

Thank you for my amazing children.  I am honestly blessed, they have taught me more than I could ever hope to teach them.

Basically, thank you!