The above quote is from a friend of mine. This was her comment on a link I shared on facebook last night. Very powerful to me. People are soooo quick to judge a book by it's cover. People judge others by what they see rather than getting to know people. And when we do that, we sell ourselves short. We all have our external (and internal) flaws. No one wants to be judged by them, they are just that, flaws. But flaws do NOT define who we are.
By now most of us have heard about, or seen for ourselves, the video of the Wisconsin news anchor and her live call out of a cyber bully. Just in case you have not, here is the video. It's 4:21 long, and worth every second watching.
Things in this video that strike a note with me (there are many).
1) The man says, "Certainly you don't consider yourself a suitable example for this community's young people, girls in particular."
Are you kidding me? First off, when I look at this woman, I don't see obese. I don't see fat. I see a woman who is beautiful. No, she doesn't wear a size 2. And since when does SIZE matter about being an example for young people. Isn't being an example about WHO we are, our actions?
I myself am considered "morbidly obese" in the medical community. Does that mean I can't be a good example for our children? I think I am a fabulous example to our kids...I like myself for who I am, not what I look like. One of the biggest things we need to teach our children is to like themselves, to love who they are on the inside. To feel worthy of loving and being loved.
To say someone isn't a suitable example because of their weight is ridiculous on SO MANY levels.
2) "Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain."
Is this man for real? He has obviously never had any issues with weight or he would never be able to say something like this. Believe me, I did not CHOOSE to be obese. I would do almost anything to be a different size. I have spent so many years hating myself because I am obese. Feeling like I am unloveable because I am obese. Why in the world would I CHOOSE to be obese so I can be ridiculed, bullied, harrassed, ostracized, excluded, condemned. That doesn't even make sense.
Dangerous habit to maintain? Right....I am trying to maintain my obesity. I do everything I can to stay fat. OMG, this man has no clue.
3) She said that yes, she is overweight, even could say fat, and yes, on a doctor's chart maybe even obese. But then she says, "To the person who wrote that letter, do you think I don't know that?"
This is when I started crying while I watched her video. I say this every single year to my students when I am talking about the expectation that in my classroom you will not just show respect for the teacher, but you will show respect for your classmates and probably most importantly you will show respect for feelings. I explain that it doesn't matter if you are 43 years old like me or 7 (or whatever age they are) like you...being made fun of hurts. I always say that even now, I hear people say things about me and my weight and call me fat... like I don't know that? Yes, I have a mirror, I look in it every morning and yes, I can see that I weigh more than I want to. I am not blind, I know that I am fat. But the outside is NOT what matters, it is what is inside that counts and I like who I am on the inside.
4) She says to him that "you know nothing about me but what you see on the outside and I am much more than a number on a scale."
Wow, powerful words. And she delivers it straight to camera, excellent. A number on a scale is just that, a number. Who we are on the inside, what makes us who we are, what makes us special - that all can't be seen.
But SO many people judge others by the outside, but what they see without bothering to go further. For example. Something that has always bothered me, and really is no big deal, but it still bothers me. I am a singer, I love to sing. I have a mezzo-soprano voice. In many, many musicals or shows I have the voice to sing the lead. But because of my weight, I get the character roles, the old ladies, the favorite aunt, etc. I can't be the leading lady because I'm fat. Seriously? Evidently to be beautiful and sing the lead, you have to be skinny.
HOnestly, the time in my life for singing those leads is LONG over. But it always hurt knowing that I could sing as awesome as possible and still never land the role.
5) This woman has my complete admiration. She turns something that could have been completely devastating into a fabulous teachable moment. And the man's timing couldn't have been better with October being national anti-bullying month.
6) Cyber bullying - scary stuff. She tells us that kids are getting emails like this and worse.
Kids can be totally demoralized by this kind of bullying. Cyber bullies are even harsher and meaner than face-to-face bullies because of the assumed anonymity. These cyber bullies feel a separation from their action because they are typing, they aren't saying mean things, they aren't hitting, they are just sending an email, how can that be bullying?
It is our job to teach these kids that they are JUST as accountable for cyber bullying as they are for face-to-face bullying.
As she says, she doesn't know this man, his words mean nothing. But she also says, she knows better. Kids do not. Kids don't realize that a cyber bullies words should mean nothing to them. Kids have a way of taking everything said to them to heart. Kids believe bullies, live or cyber. Kids are not emotionally mature enough to brush off cyber bullying. Kids need us to protect them.
7) "This behavior is learned. It is passed down by people like the man who wrote this email."
She goes on to say if you are talking about that "fat newslady" and your kids hear you - they are going to go to school talking about that "fat newslady". You are teaching them that it is okay to talk about another person that way.
8) "We need to teach our kids to be kind, not critical. And we need to do that by example."
AMEN. I said in a blog the other night how kids see and hear what adults do and then learn from that. If they see us treating others with disrespect, then they will treat others with disrespect. If they hear us putting down someone for their looks, they will put others down for their looks.
Kids are perceptive. It doesn't work to tell them to do as I say, not as I do. As a matter of fact, kids learn MORE from watching us than from listening to us. The model what they see. WE need to lead by example and be sure that what we do and what we say is worth being modeled.
9) "To all of the children out there who feel lost. Who are struggling with your weight, with the color of your skin, your sexual preference, your disability, even the acne on your face. Do not let your self worth be defined by bullies."
What a powerful statement, and so very, very true.
I told you there were many things from that video that struck a note with me!
I found myself crying through this 4 minute video because I was so able to relate to this woman because of my own encounters with bullies.
THEN I kept crying because all I could think of was all the kids I see every day who I know are getting picked on and I want to be able to stop it. I want to be able to protect them. I want to be able to wrap them in my arms and tell them that bullies don't matter, bullies are just mean.
But I can't protect the world. I can't save all the kids. Oh, but I wish I could.
I became a teacher because school was a horrible place for me. I was bullied constantly through jr and sr high. My safe place was music. I was accepted for who I was, for my singing talent, for my piano and saxophone abilities. I didn't have to be skinny, I didn't have to be gorgeous, I had other talents. But outside of my safe zone, school was hell.
I have always said "I became a teacher to help kids through the hell we call high school. If I can help just ONE student make it through, I will feel like I have done my job."
This woman's 3 daughters have an amazing mother who will raise them to love themselves for who they are inside. Kudos to her and her strength to stand up to this bully. And Kudos to her for bringing it to the public and sharing with us the need for stopping these bullies, for holding them accountable for their actions.
I sit in my happy place every day, the entryway to the school. It is my way of making sure that kids know they are valued and cared for and there are adults who care and are there for them. I have kids ask me, "Mrs. Peterson, why are you sitting here every single day?"
Because it makes me happy to be around you! That is my answer to every kid who asks. And it's true every time I say it. It doesn't matter who the kid is, it makes me happy to be around them and to share their lives with them. And I want them to know, whoever they are, whatever they look like, whatever their struggle is....they don't need to feel lost, I am there, others are there. WE CARE and YOU MATTER.
Help stop bullying, be an example and live your life in a way you would want to be modeled. Remember, how your children act reflects on you. Do you want that reflection to be negative? Do you want that reflection to be bullying? Make that reflection one you and others can be proud of. Make that reflection one of acceptance, tolerance and kindness. Make that reflection one of respect.
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