Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.
As he got closer, he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?" The young man paused, looked up and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."
"I guess I should have asked, Why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?"
"The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die."
"But young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"
The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves. "It made a difference for that one!"
~adapted from "The Star Thrower" by Loren Eiseley
Pam reminded me just how much little things we do every day CAN and DO make a difference.
I have a poster in my classroom that says, "Stand Up for What is Right, Even if you are Standing Alone."
It is so important for people to realize that going along with the crowd, doing what everyone else is doing is NOT always the right thing to do.
As a teacher, I see students every day doing things that they KNOW are wrong, but they want to fit in, they want to be part of the crowd and belong.
As humans we have a need, a desire, to be part of a group. We want to be part of a group. We want peers, people we can talk to, socialize with, be around. Sometimes that desire for belonging leads us down a wrong path. Sometimes we make bad choices based on the decision of a group.
I can give you an example of a time I did this, and I was a so-called smart adult at the time. Some friends and I were going out for dinner to celebrate Christmas. When I picked up the first friend, she got in the car and had a bottle of red wine and a bottle of white wine and 4 glasses. She asked what kind of wine I wanted.
I looked at this friend and was totally shocked. I told her, "None. You can't drink and drive. And you can't drink in my car." The friend told me I was silly, I was acting like a little kid and that it was only illegal to drink as a passenger in Minnesota, I needed to get used to being in Iowa now."
OMG - Seriously I felt like I was 16 years old again and being bullied by the "popular" crowd. I spent years of my life trying to be liked, trying to fit in. And here I was in the same situation and I was 40 years old!
I didn't want to disrupt the fun evening by kicking her out of my car, so I allowed her and the others to drink wine in my car while I drove. I hated every single moment of this time and was scared to death I would speed or do something silly to get me pulled over and then I would be in big, big trouble. I had headlines going through my mind..."Principal's wife arrested for open container." I imagined losing my job, my license...I was freaked out.
Needless to say, the entire evening was unenjoyable for me. First the nerve wracking drive. Then the entire dinner I was beating myself up inside for giving in and letting the bully win. Why can't I be strong, why can't I stand up for myself like I preach to my students? OMG - I had a horrible evening and it was all my own doing of not wanting to piss off a friend. Needless to say, that tainted the friendship I had with that person.
What if I had stood up for myself? What if I had said NO, either put the wine away or get out of my car and drive yourself? I worried that this friend would no longer like me or be my friend. But honestly, what kind of a friend was she being anyway? Was this a friendship I should have been nurturing and trying to preserve?
If at the age of 40 people can have these difficulties and supposedly we are "world wise" and know better. HOW do we expect our students or our children to be able to stand up against a bully?
WE need to be the ones who make a difference for our students and our children. WE need to stand up for these kids when they are in a tough situation. Kids need to see that an adult DOES care. That an adult is willing to stand up for them against these people who can be so hurtful.
Unfortunately, bullies are as plentiful a the starfish on the beach in the story. We often think that one person cannot make a difference, one person cannot stop the bullying. NO, we can't stop it all, we can't fix the world. But, imagine if one victim sees you standing up to a bully for them...imagine the difference you will make for that victim.
Isn't making a difference for that ONE person worth putting your neck out there and standing up against the bully?
Bullies come in many, many forms. Bullying can be subtle, subtle so that others won't notice it if not watching carefully. Bullying can come in the form of exclusion of someone, exclusion of a group of people. Bullying is wide spread.
Others can disagree with me, that is fine...but honestly, I see the proposed amendment to the Minnesota Constitution as bullying. It is designed to limit the rights of a small group of people. Isn't that what a bully does on the playground? A playground bully tries to limit the rights of that child or children to do what they want, when they want to do it?!
EVERY person should have the right to do what they want to do, love whom they love, when they want to! I am so proud of my Minnesota friends and family who are taking a stand against this bullying proposed amendment. Some might wonder why should they try, it's only one state. But if we can make a difference in that one state...there is hope that others will make a difference in their state.
We need to make a stand and make a difference - help those that can't do it alone. Show that you are willing to put yourself out there and make a difference for someone. We can't save the world, we can't make a difference for everyone, but we can and do make a difference.
Make a difference, one person or one cause at a time. But remember, you DO make a difference.
Washington State has referendum 74 which is asking voters to approve or reject a bill that would allow same-sex couples to marry, preserve domestic partnerships only for seniors, and
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organizations to refuse to perform, recognize, or accommodate any marriage ceremony. It is the same as you said - why should we reject this and allow a small group of people to bully others and prevent them from being with the person they love in all aspects of life.
Let's pray that your referendum 74 passes and that the Minnesota amendment fails! Life would go a LONG way toward the right direction if that happens!
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