Here is a "before" picture of me in jeans.
This was taken summer 2012 in Michigan.
And now - here are those SAME pants on me last month.
Then - here is a before and after face picture.
I have these pictures on my computer and my phone as a reminder of where I came from. It helps when I am having a down day and feeling dumpy and fat.
It's still hard for me when I look in the mirror - I see the old me. Yes, I KNOW in my head I have lost 130 pounds, but when I look in the mirror I see the 327 pound girl - I see the rolls, I see the chins.
I'm working on that. I am starting to see the real me - but these pics definitely help me. They help me see the comparison. They are helping me slowly start to see the new me when I look in the mirror.
I had my 2 year checkup with the bariatric department. Same weight I was a year ago at my 1 year appointment. Last year, the surgeon was pretty negative with me. He was focused on my BMI and that it was still over 30 and he wanted it below 25 so I would have a "normal" BMI. No praise for 130 pounds lost. No praise for how far I had come.
This appointment I saw the PA who was the one who saw me before surgery at my appointments. He was all about how far I had come, the co-morbidities being gone AND that I have maintained the same weight for a year. He was about the fact that I have lost 76.5% of my excess weight. 76.5% That's a great number. They consider 50% or more a success. They say you can lose UP TO 77%. That's not an average - that's their top expectation - the average is lower. So my 76.5% is fabulous. And I have maintained it.
The PA was awesome. I told him I had left last year let down by the reaction and response by the surgeon. He apologized - he said he was quite impressed with what I have done and that I need to focus on what I DID accomplish, not what I did not. That made me feel a whole lot better.
I told him that yes, I originally wanted to lose 20 more pounds. But it doesn't seem to matter if I eat less, exercise more, eat more, exercise less, etc, etc - I just stay where I am. So I decided in February that I needed to be happy with what I accomplished and go with it and be satisfied instead of beating myself up over where I didn't get.
So in February I met with the plastic surgeon. I wanted to find out what we needed to do to see if insurance would cover removing my excess skin on my abdomen. And also talked about my breasts. We briefly chatted about my thighs and arms, but that will come after and will not be covered by insurance.
The plastic surgeon was awesome and straight forward. He documented everything as had my primary care doctor been documenting everything. And.....insurance approved the procedures.
So - my big news - in just over a week, on June 2 - I am having the excess skin on my abdomen removed (that's called a panniculectomy) and a breast reduction. Originally the surgeon wanted to do a mastopexy - which is a lift, just removing all the excess skin, no breast tissue. But insurance considers that elective and cosmetic and vanity surgery - so they don't cover it. But they DO cover reduction. I've had my upper back/shoulder/neck pain documented for years so insurance approved a breast reduction. The surgeon was concerned that I would not like my new proportions as removing the required amount of breast tissue will leave me a small B cup. And that concerned me at first as well.
But many hours, days, weeks of pondering and contemplating later,..I decided I could buy push up or padded bras if I'm worried about the look. Having insurance cover the surgery and no longer having the pain in my neck/shoulder/back be gone is more than worth it to me. I will say though - with surgery a week away - THAT is the only thing I am really nervous about. I have been a DDD or DD for as long as I can remember. And I'm going to end up a small B! THAT will be a change.
At my appointment with the bariatric department last week, the PA warned me that this plastic surgery will be significantly more painful than my bypass surgery. I laughed because my brother in law is a PA in the Twin Cities and when he found out I was doing this - his first thing was, "I'm sure you know this, but that is extremely painful." Yes, Yes, I know. But, the end result will be so worth it.
As the date is getting closer and closer, I get more and more excited. What will I look like? What will having smaller breasts be like? What will it be like to NOT have all that excess skin below my belly button? And what will it be like to not have the extra pooch of skin above my belly button?
I do think about the pain that I will have - but I will have a pump while in the hospital and I know how to push the button. I won't try to be brave and tough it out - I'm not tough, I'm a wimp! LOL
And once home, I will not be afraid to take the pain meds they send me home with. Yes, they'll make me loopy and knock me out - but if I can get past the first week or so in a daze, life should be better!
I've arranged to borrow a walker for the first couple of weeks. They have warned me that they pull the skin quite tight and I won't be standing up straight for awhile.
I have my recliner set to be slept in so my body can stay kind of bent and reduce pulling on the incisions.
I have my wonderful parents set to be here for the first week. They'll stay with the kids while I'm in the hospital and then be here to help me as needed when I'm out so Mike can go back to work. They'll help with the running of the kids to all of their events that first week so when Mike is home he can help me and give them a break.
I have to work 5 more days at school - I'm afraid they are going to be 5 LOOOOONG days because I am getting excited for June 2 to come. But I have a lot to do and that should keep me pretty busy.
I've hired someone to come clean for us this summer so that Mike doesn't have to worry about that in addition to helping me. I'm not allowed to lift anything greater than 10 pounds for at least 6 weeks. No vacuuming and straining. So bending and scrubbing the shower is definitely out. :-)
Summer will be one of recovery - if all goes well AND I'm willing to do it again - I'm going to do my thighs after the 6 week recovery for the tummy and breasts. At first I was confident that Yes, I'll do it. I'm now holding that decision off until I see how this first surgery and recovery goes. But, it's definitely still a possibility.
So - kids are all excited and anticipating the end of school and their first day of summer - June 2. And I'm all excited and anticipating my surgery, also June 2. Should be a pretty great day for all of us. The only one who may not enjoy it so much - poor Mike who has to sit in the hospital waiting room all day. He doesn't get to enjoy the first day of summer with the kids and he doesn't have a surgery to look forward to...he has a long day of sitting and waiting to look forward to. Man it's a good thing he loves me and is so awesome. He is always right there for me and is the most supporting and amazing husband ever. I would be lost without him.
It is now Monday, May 25 - so I have 8 days to wait. The count down is on!
