Two Weeks to Go

Tomorrow starts the rest of my life.  I start the Pre-Op diet tomorrow.

It is a really good thing that I like mandarin oranges.  Like I told you in my last entry, I have to have blended food for all 3 meals every day for the next 2 weeks.  And on the list of blended meals they gave me, I like a whole ONE!

We bought 36 cans of mandarin oranges.  The people in the store had to think we are ridiculous.  The fun part - I did some searching on the shelved and found a no sugar added, sweetened with Splenda mandarin orange.  That means 45 calories per serving instead of like 80.  So that is awesome.  Yes, they cost a bit more than the generic, but I can live with that to get no sugar added, fewer calries and significantly less sugar per serving.

We bought the store out of the orange cream yogurt.  And the next store didn't have any.  So, still have some yogurt to buy before this is over.

March 28 I saw the doctor and I was only down 20 pounds.  He wanted me down 30-35 pounds.  32.7 to be precise.  So My goal was to get down those additional 12.7 pounds before I started the Pre-Op diet.

Well - I made 9 of those 12.7 pounds.  Not quite my goal - but I am happy with myself.  It took me 5 months to lose those first 20 pounds and I lost 9 more in the last 3 1/2 weeks.

I'm not sure if I told you that I really made a mind-set change in the last month or so.  I never thought I'd be saying that sweets weren't tempting me.  But they are not.

I NEVER dreamed I'd say no to going out to eat.  Going out to eat has been a standard thing for us for years.  WE would rather eat out than cook.  But seriously, I have no interest in going out to eat.

I made the switch somehow, some time, from Living to eat to the much healthier, eating to live.  I think Mike is getting a little weirded out by me.  Instead of wanting to go out, I'm saying, "No, I have 2 carbs and 2 proteins left and I have already planned how to fill that."   And if Mike thinks he's weirded out....so am I!  I never dreamed I'd be thinking that way.

OK - for my benefit I have decided to do pictures on Monday nights.  I'm doing tonight before my 2 weeks of Pre-Op blended food.  I will do the Monday night before surgery.  I'm thinking every month after that.  Maybe every 2 weeks?!  We'll see.  If you have a definite opinion or thought - please let me know.

Here is am - full body.  I will tell you that the jeans I am wearing in this picture are a size smaller than I was wearing in October when this started.

Because I believe that faces show weight loss I am also doing a face shot each time.

And here is the face shot.

I am already looking forward to seeing the pictures to come and see my own transformation.  

If I was REALLY brave I'd do a Biggest Loser type picture.  But I don't own bike shorts or sports bras...so I guess the bravery doesn't really matter!  

I've had "my last supper" and I am ready to start my new life.  Bring it on!

Date is Set

I was going to write a blog today entitled "I want to be a Patient, not have Patience" - because I was getting frustrated waiting to hear a date for my surgery.

Then, today I got an email with my surgery date!!!

Tuesday, May 7 is the day my new life begins.  I go in on Friday, May 3 for my pre-op visit and preparation information for the surgery.

I am SO excited!!!

For the 2 weeks prior to surgery I have to "prepare" my intestines and they want me to cut as much weight during that time as possible.  So I start a special pre-op diet on Tuesday, April 23.

They want my small intestines to be basically empty without having to do any bowel prep or enema.  (for this I am thankful)

The special diet is a blended diet...everything has to be blended to applesauce consistency.  AND, it's 1200 calories one day, 800 calories the next - back and forth.

The funny part is, they gave me a bunch of recipes for meal ideas.  I like a whole ONE of them.  So - for 14 days I will be having the same meal 3 times a day.  The difference between the two calorie days is slight.  Goes from 300 calories a meal for one day and then 175 calories a meal for the next day.

LUckily - I do really like the one meal on the list.

1 cup mandarin oranges, 6 ounces non-fat orange cream yogurt, 1 cup milk - blended together.

the other day

3/4 cup mandarin oranges, 6 ounces non-fat orange cream yogurt, 1/3 cup milk - blended together.

Since I did Body By Vi as one of my attempts at weight loss, I get the blended meal thing.  I know that if I freeze the fruit and then blend it I end up with a smoothie rather than just liquid.  Add a little ice to the mix and it's perfect.

I decided that I would try the blended meal tonight for supper and yep, I do like it!  Not sure what I will think about it after 3 meals a day for 14 days....but I will survive!

So - now the real patience starts....waiting for 3 weeks.  I am so excited I can hardly stand it!!!!

The plan is I will update with a picture the day before surgery, then I think monthly after that.  Not just so you can see my progress but so I can see it and have it documented for myself.  I will use that as my encouragement to keep going and stay strong and never look back.

APPROVED!!!

As my title says....I am APPROVED for surgery!

I got the letter from Blue Cross in the mail yesterday. 

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited that little piece of paper made me.  I have cried so many tears and prayed so many prayers about this and it all comes down to a little piece of paper.

I was looking through the mail last evening, after a hectic day, and saw the return address on one envelope of Blue Cross.  I quietly opened that letter and read and read.  Lots of medical mumbo jumbo....but skip to the good part - approved!  I just hugged Mike.

I think through all of this, the hardest part has been the fear of insurance denying me.  They won't give me life insurance, before we were teachers, they wouldn't give me health insurance....I have been let down by them before and my biggest fear was that once again, I would be denied.  That fear is terrible.  Knowing that I am doing everything I can possibly do, everything I am asked and more - trying so hard to please and do the right thing.  And that niggling fear in the back of my head, "why bother, they are just going to deny this too.  They deny everything because you are fat."

I know it is a silly fear, the doctors and dietitian were confident I would be approved.  The logical side of me knew I would be approved, I meet all the criteria.  But my heart, my gut - was scared.  What if the fact that during the last 6 months I wasn't always perfect, I made mistakes, was going to trip me up.

But now - I go forward knowing that I CAN do it.  I have been approved and now I am anxious to get on with it.  I've been waiting my whole life to find the "inner skinny me" that I know is in there.  I want her out.

It was with renewed vigor that I went walking a mile this morning before school.  A renewed sense of moving forward and renewed sense of I CAN DO THIS!

Now....the wait for the hospital to contact me and schedule the surgery.  I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waiting is killing me

March 28th I had my final of 6 appointments with the dietitian, doctors and psychologist.  They had to finish their reports and then send them in to insurance for approval.

So now I sit waiting to hear back from insurance.  They said it usually takes 7-10 days to hear back.  Well that means this week some time.  So as far as I am concerned - NOW please.

People ask me if I am nervous - not for the surgery, no!  The only thin I am nervous about is hearing back from insurance.  I have worked so hard for this and every other thing I have tried has failed - I feel like this is finally my chance to succeed.  So what am I nervous about?  That they will so no and I will fail again.

Honestly - I cannot see why in the world insurance would say no.  I meet every single requirement for the surgery.  I have worked hard to change my habits, learn new habits,etc.  The doctors and dietitian also think it will go through fine.  So I need to stop being nervous.

Funny thing happened at the last appointment.  I met with the psychologist - went well.  Met with the dietitian - went well.  Then I met with the doctor.  I have met the head surgeon, I have met the PA that works with him.  This time it was a different doctor.  He is the fellow with the bariatric department for 2013.  Nice guy.

So he sits down, looks at my chart and told me that I didn't lose enough weight.  My goal was to lose 30-35 pounds and I was right at 20 pound.

Oooo - that pissed me off.  Does he not know how hard I have worked to lose that 20 pounds?!?!  Does he not know how starving I am every day?!  He made me mad.

Well, 5 days later I went to the bariatric support group meeting, guess who the speaker was?  That same doctor!  Needless to say I was kind of bleh about listening to him.

Well - I should not have been bleh.  He was wonderful and 20 minutes into the meeting I knew why he wanted me to lose more weight!  I was no longer pissed at him!

Research has shown that patients who lose 10% of their weight before surgery have the best long-term results.  Well - 32.7 pounds is 10%  - so I resolved that I WOULD lose the other 12.7 pounds before surgery!  Not try - I WILL do it.  I resolved to be better about exercising, better about drinking more water.  I was just plain going to be better!

So - here I am, not quite a week after that support group and I have lost 4 pounds!  I am GOING to make that 12.7 more pounds.... only 8.7 to go!

Then, this past Saturday I had another wonderful thing happen.

I've been hating wearing jeans.  They bunch up on my inner thighs and rub and hurt.  Well....the issue - THEY ARE TOO BIG!!!!!!  I have had to tighten my belt 4 notches since I started this journey.  So I have been wearing the same jeans and tightening my belt.  They are gaping and weird at the top and there is too much fabric at my inner thighs!

So Saturday I decided to try a pair of jeans I had bought last year and then decided they were too small and bought the next size.

THEY FIT!  They fit and even have a little extra room at the waist!  I still have to put my belt at the 4th notch - cuz that's what size my waist is - but there isn't all this extra material.  And they are not tight AT ALL!

So - that is my feel good moment this past week.  I am wearing a size smaller jeans.  I could be wearing smaller dress pants - but I refuse to go shopping until after I have lost weight after my surgery.  I am not spending good money on clothes that are going to be too big and I will never wear again.  So - I keep wearing my dress pants that are baggy on the butt and smile knowing that htey are too big.

Wow - what a weird thing to type - TOO BIG.  I have never had clothes that are too big - always too small.

I am keeping those old (TOO BIG) jeans though - they will be my motivation.  to NEVER fit in them again and to hold up in front of the NEW me!