So, week two is in the books for me.
I "cheated" this weekend - twice. Come on - I went to the movie twice...how could I NOT have a treat?
The first time, well, I had the pretzel bites. But I was thinking about it...once i have the surgery, I could have them, they are baked. I just would only have a few and I would be full. So, I had them.
The second time, I had the kid's pack with popcorn, fruit snacks and an icee. Small amounts of each.
Saturday a friend said to me that her prayer is that this new diet will work so well that I won't need the surgery in the spring. She said she worries about me, not about the surgery itself, but that for the rest of my life my eating will have to be changed.
I thanked her for her concern and caring about me. But honestly, I can't wait for the surgery. Yes, my eating habits will be changed forever - and that is a good thing. She brought up the no sweets, no cake at birthdays. Well, it's not like I can never have anything sweet, I will just have to watch what I choose and how much of it I eat.
The fact of the matter is this, Mike and I both think this will be somewhat easier after the surgery than now. Why? Because right now I am still starving all the time. I eat my allotted proteins and carbs, etc and an hour later, my tummy is yelling at me. I am hungry all of the time.
After the surgery, my stomach will be so that I will feel full...I will NOT be hungry. The nurse at my first appointment told us that for the first 3 months or so I will actually not have an appetite, I will need to make myself eat my allotted food so my body gets what it needs. My friend who had the surgery 19 months ago told me that she never feels hungry now!! That will be such an amazing and welcomed feeling (or lack of feeling)! It always makes me angry when I have eaten recently and then I am hungry again.
On the weight loss thing - I spent the week losing 1-2 pounds, gaining them back, losing them, gaining them. So I ended where I started...down 6 pounds. I won't be sad since 6 pounds over 2 weeks is still a good number, nothing to be sad about.
The exercising, well it happens, but it still isn't my favorite thing in the world. This weekend I pretty much used anything I could as an excuse and well, didn't exercise then. So today felt like I was starting all over again. UGH - I guess I need to not skip the weekends so that Monday doesn't feel like hell all over again. Monday is bad enough - don't need to end it with nastiness. May as well just do it all weekend so that Monday's exercise is just another one, nothing else.
Yesterday I had a fabulous, fabulous surprise. My childhood best friend called me, out of the blue. I saw her name on the caller ID and was shocked. I hadn't talked to her in like 2 years (other than facebook talking). What did she call for? To tell me she was proud of me. I nearly started crying. What an amazing phone call. To her, a huge thank you. Random Acts of kindness do wonderful things for people - you did a wonderful thing for me. Reminded me how important doing things like that, out of the blue, are to people. How much good they can do! I am going to be "stepping up" my random kindness thanks to you. That was such an amazing feeling to have someone take the time to call me and boost me up like that. THANK YOU!
Then today, another out of the blue - a former student and friend posted on my wall telling me that he enjoyed my blog and to keep it up. What a great thing to read, made my day. It is those little things that make a difference in our lives.
So I end my Monday meanderings with that thought. Think about when someone has done something for you or said something to you that made a difference in your life. Think about those relatively little things and how big of an impact they had on you.
Can you do more of that for other people in your life? Can you send someone a note? Call someone who is struggling with something, doing something new, facing something. Take the little bit of time from your life to make a huge difference in the life of someone else.
A little bit of effort on your behalf can make a HUGE difference to someone. Take the time, put yourself out there and make a difference in the life of someone who needs you to notice, needs you to say you care! YOU can make a difference in the world of someone else...so go for it!
Monday, October 29, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Starfish....make a difference
Today in church Pastor Pam started with a story I have heard many times before:
Pam reminded me just how much little things we do every day CAN and DO make a difference.
I have a poster in my classroom that says, "Stand Up for What is Right, Even if you are Standing Alone."
It is so important for people to realize that going along with the crowd, doing what everyone else is doing is NOT always the right thing to do.
As a teacher, I see students every day doing things that they KNOW are wrong, but they want to fit in, they want to be part of the crowd and belong.
As humans we have a need, a desire, to be part of a group. We want to be part of a group. We want peers, people we can talk to, socialize with, be around. Sometimes that desire for belonging leads us down a wrong path. Sometimes we make bad choices based on the decision of a group.
I can give you an example of a time I did this, and I was a so-called smart adult at the time. Some friends and I were going out for dinner to celebrate Christmas. When I picked up the first friend, she got in the car and had a bottle of red wine and a bottle of white wine and 4 glasses. She asked what kind of wine I wanted.
I looked at this friend and was totally shocked. I told her, "None. You can't drink and drive. And you can't drink in my car." The friend told me I was silly, I was acting like a little kid and that it was only illegal to drink as a passenger in Minnesota, I needed to get used to being in Iowa now."
OMG - Seriously I felt like I was 16 years old again and being bullied by the "popular" crowd. I spent years of my life trying to be liked, trying to fit in. And here I was in the same situation and I was 40 years old!
I didn't want to disrupt the fun evening by kicking her out of my car, so I allowed her and the others to drink wine in my car while I drove. I hated every single moment of this time and was scared to death I would speed or do something silly to get me pulled over and then I would be in big, big trouble. I had headlines going through my mind..."Principal's wife arrested for open container." I imagined losing my job, my license...I was freaked out.
Needless to say, the entire evening was unenjoyable for me. First the nerve wracking drive. Then the entire dinner I was beating myself up inside for giving in and letting the bully win. Why can't I be strong, why can't I stand up for myself like I preach to my students? OMG - I had a horrible evening and it was all my own doing of not wanting to piss off a friend. Needless to say, that tainted the friendship I had with that person.
What if I had stood up for myself? What if I had said NO, either put the wine away or get out of my car and drive yourself? I worried that this friend would no longer like me or be my friend. But honestly, what kind of a friend was she being anyway? Was this a friendship I should have been nurturing and trying to preserve?
If at the age of 40 people can have these difficulties and supposedly we are "world wise" and know better. HOW do we expect our students or our children to be able to stand up against a bully?
WE need to be the ones who make a difference for our students and our children. WE need to stand up for these kids when they are in a tough situation. Kids need to see that an adult DOES care. That an adult is willing to stand up for them against these people who can be so hurtful.
Unfortunately, bullies are as plentiful a the starfish on the beach in the story. We often think that one person cannot make a difference, one person cannot stop the bullying. NO, we can't stop it all, we can't fix the world. But, imagine if one victim sees you standing up to a bully for them...imagine the difference you will make for that victim.
Isn't making a difference for that ONE person worth putting your neck out there and standing up against the bully?
Bullies come in many, many forms. Bullying can be subtle, subtle so that others won't notice it if not watching carefully. Bullying can come in the form of exclusion of someone, exclusion of a group of people. Bullying is wide spread.
Others can disagree with me, that is fine...but honestly, I see the proposed amendment to the Minnesota Constitution as bullying. It is designed to limit the rights of a small group of people. Isn't that what a bully does on the playground? A playground bully tries to limit the rights of that child or children to do what they want, when they want to do it?!
EVERY person should have the right to do what they want to do, love whom they love, when they want to! I am so proud of my Minnesota friends and family who are taking a stand against this bullying proposed amendment. Some might wonder why should they try, it's only one state. But if we can make a difference in that one state...there is hope that others will make a difference in their state.
We need to make a stand and make a difference - help those that can't do it alone. Show that you are willing to put yourself out there and make a difference for someone. We can't save the world, we can't make a difference for everyone, but we can and do make a difference.
Make a difference, one person or one cause at a time. But remember, you DO make a difference.
Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.
As he got closer, he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?" The young man paused, looked up and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."
"I guess I should have asked, Why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?"
"The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die."
"But young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"
The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves. "It made a difference for that one!"
~adapted from "The Star Thrower" by Loren Eiseley
Pam reminded me just how much little things we do every day CAN and DO make a difference.
I have a poster in my classroom that says, "Stand Up for What is Right, Even if you are Standing Alone."
It is so important for people to realize that going along with the crowd, doing what everyone else is doing is NOT always the right thing to do.
As a teacher, I see students every day doing things that they KNOW are wrong, but they want to fit in, they want to be part of the crowd and belong.
As humans we have a need, a desire, to be part of a group. We want to be part of a group. We want peers, people we can talk to, socialize with, be around. Sometimes that desire for belonging leads us down a wrong path. Sometimes we make bad choices based on the decision of a group.
I can give you an example of a time I did this, and I was a so-called smart adult at the time. Some friends and I were going out for dinner to celebrate Christmas. When I picked up the first friend, she got in the car and had a bottle of red wine and a bottle of white wine and 4 glasses. She asked what kind of wine I wanted.
I looked at this friend and was totally shocked. I told her, "None. You can't drink and drive. And you can't drink in my car." The friend told me I was silly, I was acting like a little kid and that it was only illegal to drink as a passenger in Minnesota, I needed to get used to being in Iowa now."
OMG - Seriously I felt like I was 16 years old again and being bullied by the "popular" crowd. I spent years of my life trying to be liked, trying to fit in. And here I was in the same situation and I was 40 years old!
I didn't want to disrupt the fun evening by kicking her out of my car, so I allowed her and the others to drink wine in my car while I drove. I hated every single moment of this time and was scared to death I would speed or do something silly to get me pulled over and then I would be in big, big trouble. I had headlines going through my mind..."Principal's wife arrested for open container." I imagined losing my job, my license...I was freaked out.
Needless to say, the entire evening was unenjoyable for me. First the nerve wracking drive. Then the entire dinner I was beating myself up inside for giving in and letting the bully win. Why can't I be strong, why can't I stand up for myself like I preach to my students? OMG - I had a horrible evening and it was all my own doing of not wanting to piss off a friend. Needless to say, that tainted the friendship I had with that person.
What if I had stood up for myself? What if I had said NO, either put the wine away or get out of my car and drive yourself? I worried that this friend would no longer like me or be my friend. But honestly, what kind of a friend was she being anyway? Was this a friendship I should have been nurturing and trying to preserve?
If at the age of 40 people can have these difficulties and supposedly we are "world wise" and know better. HOW do we expect our students or our children to be able to stand up against a bully?
WE need to be the ones who make a difference for our students and our children. WE need to stand up for these kids when they are in a tough situation. Kids need to see that an adult DOES care. That an adult is willing to stand up for them against these people who can be so hurtful.
Unfortunately, bullies are as plentiful a the starfish on the beach in the story. We often think that one person cannot make a difference, one person cannot stop the bullying. NO, we can't stop it all, we can't fix the world. But, imagine if one victim sees you standing up to a bully for them...imagine the difference you will make for that victim.
Isn't making a difference for that ONE person worth putting your neck out there and standing up against the bully?
Bullies come in many, many forms. Bullying can be subtle, subtle so that others won't notice it if not watching carefully. Bullying can come in the form of exclusion of someone, exclusion of a group of people. Bullying is wide spread.
Others can disagree with me, that is fine...but honestly, I see the proposed amendment to the Minnesota Constitution as bullying. It is designed to limit the rights of a small group of people. Isn't that what a bully does on the playground? A playground bully tries to limit the rights of that child or children to do what they want, when they want to do it?!
EVERY person should have the right to do what they want to do, love whom they love, when they want to! I am so proud of my Minnesota friends and family who are taking a stand against this bullying proposed amendment. Some might wonder why should they try, it's only one state. But if we can make a difference in that one state...there is hope that others will make a difference in their state.
We need to make a stand and make a difference - help those that can't do it alone. Show that you are willing to put yourself out there and make a difference for someone. We can't save the world, we can't make a difference for everyone, but we can and do make a difference.
Make a difference, one person or one cause at a time. But remember, you DO make a difference.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
An Inspiration
Our family with to the movie tonight...we saw "Here Comes the Boom"
What a fun movie...predictable, as Maggie said, but fun.
The gist of the movie (and there is no spoiler here, all garnered from previews) is that there is a former teacher of the year, now lazy, who decides he is going to try to raise money for the school by cage fighting. They were told the school had to make cuts and the cut they were making was the music department. They were told they needed $48,000 to save the music department.
Maggie is right, the movie is predictable. But it is a fun movie, with things that you don't expect.
One funny, funny thing was Maggie, after the movie, saying she recognized the guy who played the music teacher. Well, that would be Henry Winkler. Or to those of us children of the 70s, The Fonz! When we said he was the Fonz, she looked at us like we had two heads. Nope, that's not where she recognized him from! She didn't have a clue what the Fonz was!
Anyway, at one of the key points in the movie, Winkler's character says something that really hit home to me. "As teachers, our job is to inspire." (he said it differently than that, and I don't recall the exact words, but that was the general idea)
The dictionary says:
n·spire/inˈspī(ə)r/
What a fun movie...predictable, as Maggie said, but fun.
The gist of the movie (and there is no spoiler here, all garnered from previews) is that there is a former teacher of the year, now lazy, who decides he is going to try to raise money for the school by cage fighting. They were told the school had to make cuts and the cut they were making was the music department. They were told they needed $48,000 to save the music department.
Maggie is right, the movie is predictable. But it is a fun movie, with things that you don't expect.
One funny, funny thing was Maggie, after the movie, saying she recognized the guy who played the music teacher. Well, that would be Henry Winkler. Or to those of us children of the 70s, The Fonz! When we said he was the Fonz, she looked at us like we had two heads. Nope, that's not where she recognized him from! She didn't have a clue what the Fonz was!
Anyway, at one of the key points in the movie, Winkler's character says something that really hit home to me. "As teachers, our job is to inspire." (he said it differently than that, and I don't recall the exact words, but that was the general idea)
The dictionary says:
Inspire
n·spire/inˈspī(ə)r/
| Verb: |
|
To fill someone with the urge to do or feel something.....To create a feeling (positive) in a person......hmmmm
If a teacher's job is to inspire, and that is the definition of inspire...aren't we all teachers. We may not all have gone to school for education, but we all have the ability to inspire others. We all have the ability to fill others with an urge to feel something, do something, or create a positive feeling in someone. We all have the ability to inspire others.
Daily I am inspired by my students. Wait...I am the teacher but they are inspiring me?! Yeppers - daily my students inspire or teach me about something. My favorite times of the day are before and after school when I sit in my "happy place" in the entry way.
The enthusiasm of children is contagious. If you surround yourself with that enthusiastic energy, you cannot help to have some enthusiasm yourself. Even on my worst days, the days I would rather be at home in bed, the kids inspire me to get rid of my funk and step up to the plate and have fun teaching.
For the first time ever, I am teaching preschool music. Let me tell you, you better have a TON of energy when those little people show up! Daily, they make me laugh at myself, at the world. They inspire me to look at the world through their rose-colored glasses and see joy in all things. I don't know a time when I've had more fun touching my head, shoulders, knees and toes! And what is more fun? Starting slowly and getting faster and faster and watching the kids laugh and laugh and laugh.
My biggest inspiration is my friend who had gastric bypass surgery 19 months ago. She knows exactly what I have suffered in my life due to my size and weight. She didn't say to me, "Molly, you should do this." In fact, she did not know I was planning to do this until I emailed her and told her. She did not set out to inspire me...she was just being herself and talking honestly with me about one of her experiences with a doctor and how she was treated because of her weight.
Being honest with people, being yourself - that can often be the biggest inspiration of all. When you are yourself, no fronts or masks, you are the most free and easy. It is at those times that you can be the most inspiring.
I find it so sad when people are not able to be themselves, are forced (or feel forced) to pretend to be something they are not. That is such a lonely, tiring place to be. My wish for people is that they are inspired by someone or something to be themselves, to allow themselves the freedom to be whomever they are and not worry about what others feel or think.
When I watch children at school feeling sad, sitting alone....it breaks my heart. I try my hardest to let them know I am there and will listen and like them for exactly who they are. But I am just one person. When they are being beaten down by peers who thrive on making others feel badly about themselves, one person may help spread some sunshine...but it takes more than one person.
We all need to be that inspiration for others around us. We all need to spread an energy that helps others be filled with a positive feeling for who they are.
In the movie tonight, Winkler's character was awesome at filling people with a positive feeling. During a rehearsal, when NOT every note was played right or every rhythm, he was shouting out positive comments like "you're wonderful" or "you are amazing" "this is great", etc.
Winkler's character didn't spend time pointing out the mistakes or making the kids feel bad about them. He spent his time saying positive things and the kids grew taller, tried harder and sounded better.
Being an inspiration is what we should all strive to be. Being an inspiration is what I hope, in some small way, my blog may be for some. I decided that I was going to put myself out there by sharing my story, my thoughts, my beliefs....I don't expect everyone to understand or agree with all of my blogs. But I hope that people accept them as mine and don't think less of me for them. But...I also won't allow someone disagreeing or thinking less of me to stop me.
Accepting me for me has been one of the most freeing and wonderful experiences ever. It has allowed me to see that EVERYONE deserves to be accepted for who they are. EVERYONE deserves to be valued for what they offer. We don't have to agree with everyone, we don't even have to like everyone, but we need to accept them for who they are. EVERYONE has the right to be accepted for exactly who they are - no ifs, ands or buts!
To those of you who have accepted me for who I am, thank you for being an inspiration for me!
I hope that through my journey and the sharing of it (and my other random thoughts) I can be an inspiration to others. I hope I can fill someone with the urge to do or feel something.....To create a feeling (positive) in a person. Because I truly want to create a positive feeling in each of you.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
I'm Wide Awake
"Think positive because thoughts are like the steering wheel that moves our lives in the right direction." I got this off of someone's facebook the other day and I really thought it pertained to my life. I keep thinking positive and my life keeps moving in the right direction!
So those of you who have already given up caffeine, no need for "I told you so's!"
I have now been off caffeine for 11 days and I made a startling discovery yesterday.... I am LESS tired now than I was when I was drinking caffeine. Wow.
I was very surprised to discover this. Everyone uses caffeine to wake up or stay awake. I have always been tired - it's a constant in my life. But now, 11 days with no caffeine, I am more awake during the day AND I am actually ready to sleep at night. Woo hoo! Getting rid of caffeine has turned my internal clock back to normal. And I don't remember the last time it was normal!
Those of you who knew that this would happen - man I wish you had told me and I wish I would have listened! This is awesome!
Today was day 4 of exercise. Can't say I am enjoying it...but I'm not hating it. We have been doing Just Dance 3. Mike would prefer to go for a walk, but bless his heart, he does the Just Dance because "it's your ball game"! So he is such a wonderful man that he does something he doesn't like simply because he's being there for me! How awesome!
Tonight was kind of fun. A friend started an exercise group at our church. Tonight was our first meeting. There were 7 of us there and we were having a good time. And what did we do tonight? Just Dance 3!
The second scary discovery I made came today. Just Dance 3 is already getting easier after just 4 days! Not nearly as easy as my daughter and son find it, but a heck of a lot easier than it was Monday!
AND, the counting of my bubbles is starting to happen in my head without even having to look things up and try to figure it out.
Yesterday we got our new food scale in the mail. Ordered it from a Pampered Chef party. Yes, it was a little spendy, but it is awesome. It has a tare so we can zero it out after putting a container on the scale. Loving that we can finally weigh the food and have accurate amounts of food. Also finding that we are getting pretty good at guesstimating food weights. Before the scale came we were approximating the meats. I weighed the bags of chicken we had already cut and put into portion bags. They were right on for weight. We were quite proud of that!
So life is really heading in a positive direction for me. This weekend we may end up eating out - that will be a first since starting the new eating regimen. It will be interesting to see what we come up with to eat. I think we'll be looking at that menu a bit longer than normal!
Thinking positive, it can do so much for a person and their life. So I urge you to think positive and keep steering your life in the right direction.
So those of you who have already given up caffeine, no need for "I told you so's!"
I have now been off caffeine for 11 days and I made a startling discovery yesterday.... I am LESS tired now than I was when I was drinking caffeine. Wow.
I was very surprised to discover this. Everyone uses caffeine to wake up or stay awake. I have always been tired - it's a constant in my life. But now, 11 days with no caffeine, I am more awake during the day AND I am actually ready to sleep at night. Woo hoo! Getting rid of caffeine has turned my internal clock back to normal. And I don't remember the last time it was normal!
Those of you who knew that this would happen - man I wish you had told me and I wish I would have listened! This is awesome!
Today was day 4 of exercise. Can't say I am enjoying it...but I'm not hating it. We have been doing Just Dance 3. Mike would prefer to go for a walk, but bless his heart, he does the Just Dance because "it's your ball game"! So he is such a wonderful man that he does something he doesn't like simply because he's being there for me! How awesome!
Tonight was kind of fun. A friend started an exercise group at our church. Tonight was our first meeting. There were 7 of us there and we were having a good time. And what did we do tonight? Just Dance 3!
The second scary discovery I made came today. Just Dance 3 is already getting easier after just 4 days! Not nearly as easy as my daughter and son find it, but a heck of a lot easier than it was Monday!
AND, the counting of my bubbles is starting to happen in my head without even having to look things up and try to figure it out.
Yesterday we got our new food scale in the mail. Ordered it from a Pampered Chef party. Yes, it was a little spendy, but it is awesome. It has a tare so we can zero it out after putting a container on the scale. Loving that we can finally weigh the food and have accurate amounts of food. Also finding that we are getting pretty good at guesstimating food weights. Before the scale came we were approximating the meats. I weighed the bags of chicken we had already cut and put into portion bags. They were right on for weight. We were quite proud of that!
So life is really heading in a positive direction for me. This weekend we may end up eating out - that will be a first since starting the new eating regimen. It will be interesting to see what we come up with to eat. I think we'll be looking at that menu a bit longer than normal!
Thinking positive, it can do so much for a person and their life. So I urge you to think positive and keep steering your life in the right direction.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Discovered a "new" food
Wow. We have found a winner in our house.
Tonight we had baked cod. We bought frozen whole fillets at Costco. Why? Because we thought we needed to start eating a lean fish. And cod is benign enough that the kids should like it as well.
So Mike thawed out the cod pieces and dredged them lightly in flour seasoned with salt and pepper. Baked them up....DELICIOUS. Normally when I eat fish I like a tartar sauce or a mayonaise with it. I was allowed 1 Tablespoon of light mayo in my bubbles. I used barely any of it. I loved the fish plain!
The other big winner tonight was the potatoes we made. In our meeting 2 weeks ago with the dietitian she talked about how people always wanted french fries. But McDonald's fries, or other fast food fries, are so nasty because of the deep frying. She told us that we could make our own by simply cutting up potatoes and baking them.
Mike tried it. HUGE HIT. And get this, a cup of baked french fries equals one starch or carb bubble. A CUP. We usually have 2 carbs for dinner - that's a lot of french fries! Woo hoo. We are in heaven. In fact, after we finished supper and realized that we only had enough fries for each of us to have 1 "bubble", we went in and made some more. They are in the oven right now!!! Woo hoo, can't wait until they get done! :-)
It is so nice to have a food that is tasty and filling...and we can have a lot of! Hurrah! Nummy!
Finding out I like yogurt has also been a wonderful find.
Today has been a great food day - oatmeal for breakfast, which filled me up nicely. Salad for lunch, getting a bit bored with that, may need to try something new. But it's fairly filling. And then the nummy cod and french fries for supper, along with some raw cauliflower and broccoli.
So week 2 is off to a great start. Very exciting.
Today at school was kind of cute. The kids in one class were talking about what they were bringing for their birthday treats. One girl told me, "I'm bringing mine next Monday and you love cupcakes so I'll be sure to bring you one." Two classmates turned to her and said, "She can't have those any more, remember! Bringing her one would be mean!" I laughed and laughed. I told them I appreciated them thinking of me but I am not eating that stuff any more, but it's okay if you forget and bring me something. I will just tell you nicely that I don't eat that any more but thank you and happy birthday!
Have I mentioned how much I love my job? Kids are such great people. They really can be very considerate and caring. Yes, they can be the opposite at times too, but mostly, they are really pretty cool. I love my job!
Today was an awesome Monday (and for me to say that - that's huge!). I hope your Monday was great as well. I wish you a fabulous week.
Tonight we had baked cod. We bought frozen whole fillets at Costco. Why? Because we thought we needed to start eating a lean fish. And cod is benign enough that the kids should like it as well.
So Mike thawed out the cod pieces and dredged them lightly in flour seasoned with salt and pepper. Baked them up....DELICIOUS. Normally when I eat fish I like a tartar sauce or a mayonaise with it. I was allowed 1 Tablespoon of light mayo in my bubbles. I used barely any of it. I loved the fish plain!
The other big winner tonight was the potatoes we made. In our meeting 2 weeks ago with the dietitian she talked about how people always wanted french fries. But McDonald's fries, or other fast food fries, are so nasty because of the deep frying. She told us that we could make our own by simply cutting up potatoes and baking them.
Mike tried it. HUGE HIT. And get this, a cup of baked french fries equals one starch or carb bubble. A CUP. We usually have 2 carbs for dinner - that's a lot of french fries! Woo hoo. We are in heaven. In fact, after we finished supper and realized that we only had enough fries for each of us to have 1 "bubble", we went in and made some more. They are in the oven right now!!! Woo hoo, can't wait until they get done! :-)
It is so nice to have a food that is tasty and filling...and we can have a lot of! Hurrah! Nummy!
Finding out I like yogurt has also been a wonderful find.
Today has been a great food day - oatmeal for breakfast, which filled me up nicely. Salad for lunch, getting a bit bored with that, may need to try something new. But it's fairly filling. And then the nummy cod and french fries for supper, along with some raw cauliflower and broccoli.
So week 2 is off to a great start. Very exciting.
Today at school was kind of cute. The kids in one class were talking about what they were bringing for their birthday treats. One girl told me, "I'm bringing mine next Monday and you love cupcakes so I'll be sure to bring you one." Two classmates turned to her and said, "She can't have those any more, remember! Bringing her one would be mean!" I laughed and laughed. I told them I appreciated them thinking of me but I am not eating that stuff any more, but it's okay if you forget and bring me something. I will just tell you nicely that I don't eat that any more but thank you and happy birthday!
Have I mentioned how much I love my job? Kids are such great people. They really can be very considerate and caring. Yes, they can be the opposite at times too, but mostly, they are really pretty cool. I love my job!
Today was an awesome Monday (and for me to say that - that's huge!). I hope your Monday was great as well. I wish you a fabulous week.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
One Week Down
So.... today marks day 7 of the new way of eating in our house.
We are both getting pretty good at figuring out our bubbles. Or as Mike says, bubbles be damned, I'm eating better and that's what matters.
He, however, doesn't have the dietitian meeting and judgement looming over his head. So I can't say bubbles be damned, I must use the bubbles.
I have spent a week with now caffeine. Well, at least no coke zero. I suppose the fat free, sugar free chocolate pudding powder might have a little caffeine in it, but....
We figured out pretty quickly that eating the same thing every day is easy and actually makes life better than trying to figure out every day how to have something different. And, since we made lasagna early in the week and can only eat one piece a meal, we finished it tonight. It ended up making 5 meals for us - wow, that's pretty good.
We also had pork chops one night. Now that was a new experience for us. We have always cooked our pork chops in the crock pot in gravy. Well gravy is a TON of fat. So Mike cooked them in the crock pot in water. Let's just say, they were fine, but they certainly didn't have the flavor we are used to them having. We chopped the left overs up and they went into salads today for lunch.
I discovered that frozen grapes, that others have said are wonderful, are NOT for me. And once I have the surgery they really won't be for me. After surgery I can't have skins and such not chewed up and when eating the frozen grapes I ended up with skin left over every time. And, really didn't like the flavor as much as when they are fresh. So I will stick to regular old grapes.
I discovered that I DO like yogurt. I tried it years ago and didn't like it so I have always avoided it. Well, I am supposed to have 3 snacks a day - each of them 8 ounces of milk. But, I can have yogurt for one of them. Well, I like milk, but.... So, I thought I would try yogurt again, but definitely with fruit. So we bought a low-fat yogurt with strawberry. LOVED it. But found out that since it was only LOW fat and had the fruit, it had the protein of the milk but double the carbs.
So, yesterday we went shopping and spent a long time in the yogurt department comparing nutrition labels. I found out that the Great Value light fatfree yogurt has the same protein and carbs as an 8 ounce servie of skim milk. Woo hoo. AND, they are rather inexpensive as well! So we bought several flavors. Had Key Lime first - nummy, nummy.
Mike decided to try brussel sprouts. Hee hee - he'll be finishing the bag that he bought, but I think that won't be a purchase again in the future. His exact words, "A little salsa and you can get anything down." Needless to say, I didn't bother to try them if he disliked them so much!
Exercise - I guess we need to get on that one this week. We started the whole food change and completely did it, no slowly, just jumped right in. I guess it's time we need to "jump" into the exercising thing. Our problem is finding the time to do it in our busy lives.
I know, you all will say that your lives are busy and you find time. But I think YOU might actually like exercising. I haven't gotten to that point...liking exercising. But, it's something I have to start and something I have to at least do, whether I like it or not. So.... it must start.
Our problem - we are fair-weather people. If it's raining, too windy, too cold, icy, we won't be walking. So...we either need to figure out a place to walk inside or spend the money to get a treadmill. Time will tell what we figure out.
On the up side of the last week.
We are both getting pretty good at figuring out our bubbles. Or as Mike says, bubbles be damned, I'm eating better and that's what matters.
He, however, doesn't have the dietitian meeting and judgement looming over his head. So I can't say bubbles be damned, I must use the bubbles.
I have spent a week with now caffeine. Well, at least no coke zero. I suppose the fat free, sugar free chocolate pudding powder might have a little caffeine in it, but....
We figured out pretty quickly that eating the same thing every day is easy and actually makes life better than trying to figure out every day how to have something different. And, since we made lasagna early in the week and can only eat one piece a meal, we finished it tonight. It ended up making 5 meals for us - wow, that's pretty good.
We also had pork chops one night. Now that was a new experience for us. We have always cooked our pork chops in the crock pot in gravy. Well gravy is a TON of fat. So Mike cooked them in the crock pot in water. Let's just say, they were fine, but they certainly didn't have the flavor we are used to them having. We chopped the left overs up and they went into salads today for lunch.
I discovered that frozen grapes, that others have said are wonderful, are NOT for me. And once I have the surgery they really won't be for me. After surgery I can't have skins and such not chewed up and when eating the frozen grapes I ended up with skin left over every time. And, really didn't like the flavor as much as when they are fresh. So I will stick to regular old grapes.
I discovered that I DO like yogurt. I tried it years ago and didn't like it so I have always avoided it. Well, I am supposed to have 3 snacks a day - each of them 8 ounces of milk. But, I can have yogurt for one of them. Well, I like milk, but.... So, I thought I would try yogurt again, but definitely with fruit. So we bought a low-fat yogurt with strawberry. LOVED it. But found out that since it was only LOW fat and had the fruit, it had the protein of the milk but double the carbs.
So, yesterday we went shopping and spent a long time in the yogurt department comparing nutrition labels. I found out that the Great Value light fatfree yogurt has the same protein and carbs as an 8 ounce servie of skim milk. Woo hoo. AND, they are rather inexpensive as well! So we bought several flavors. Had Key Lime first - nummy, nummy.
Mike decided to try brussel sprouts. Hee hee - he'll be finishing the bag that he bought, but I think that won't be a purchase again in the future. His exact words, "A little salsa and you can get anything down." Needless to say, I didn't bother to try them if he disliked them so much!
Exercise - I guess we need to get on that one this week. We started the whole food change and completely did it, no slowly, just jumped right in. I guess it's time we need to "jump" into the exercising thing. Our problem is finding the time to do it in our busy lives.
I know, you all will say that your lives are busy and you find time. But I think YOU might actually like exercising. I haven't gotten to that point...liking exercising. But, it's something I have to start and something I have to at least do, whether I like it or not. So.... it must start.
Our problem - we are fair-weather people. If it's raining, too windy, too cold, icy, we won't be walking. So...we either need to figure out a place to walk inside or spend the money to get a treadmill. Time will tell what we figure out.
On the up side of the last week.
- My headaches from the lack of caffeine have finally stopped.
- I found out I like yogurt!
- Our food budget will be changing - more on the veggies and fruit. But less on the meats and such since the meals we make last for several meals.
- At times, I am not starving.
- I am drinking lots more water.
- I have pretty much mastered the not drinking 30 minutes before, during or 30 minutes after meals.
- I have NOT cheated this entire week. When I did have 1 cookie, I found out what it counted for on my bubbles and bubbled it. So it wasn't cheating! :-)
On the down side of this last week.
- I may have said that at times I am not starving. Well those times are few and far between. Most of the time I am starving still!
- We used to be able to shop once a month (except for milk and eggs). We got really used to that. Now we need to shop weekly to get the fresh veggies and fruits and yogurt and such.
- I'm still not drinking enough water. Must work on that.
- We have not started exercising yet. :-(
- Worried about my kids. With the two of us eating the leftovers every night, they are left to "fend" and that means fewer "meals" for them. We need to figure out how we are going to make sure they are still getting well-rounded meals instead of cereal and cheesy tortillas all the time.
So, we did some good things this week and we have some things to work on.
Oh wait - I forgot to tell you the BEST up side.
I LOST 6 POUNDS THIS WEEK.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Bubble, bubble, bubble
I believe I said in an earlier blog that the dietitian has me keeping a food diary. But, not just a food diary...I must also "bubble" my food into the categories of food. Carbs, proteins, vegetables, fruits, fats, milk and water.
Yesterday was an adventure in bubbling. It was funny really. I had my breakfast, had my lunch, and at supper time I had so many "left over" bubbles I couldn't eat everything. I did, however, succeed in not drinking during meals and not having any pop. And lucky, lucky me, I woke up today with a killer headache...my body getting used to no caffeine. Tylenol took the edge off of it, but that's it, just the edge. It's back tonight with a vengeance. I am hoping that after a few days of no caffeine my body will quit rebelling against me and stop having headaches.
Since my first day in bubbling didn't work out exactly as I had hoped, last night I planned for today. We knew we were going to have lasagna for supper. Yes, good old-fashioned, home made lasagna. So I started from there and worked backwards. What did I have allotted for already and what did I want to eat for other meals.
I did figure out a way to have my visalus shakes again. That made me happy. I had it with milk instead of juice. And hey, I got to have my sugar-free, fat-free chocolate mix in it so it was nummy!
Lunch was completely satisfying...2 cups of salad with 2 ounces of baked chicken, with salad dressing. A bagel thin to go with it and I was filled right up.
I do think that for this to work well, I need to plan ahead like I did last night. Kind of like a kid laying out their clothes the night before so they don't have to take the time in the morning. I am all about being prepared, so this will be my new night time routine...plan for the next day.
So for now, my life is all about bubbles. I must plan in advance what to eat and determine if I have enough bubbles for what I am planning to eat and what else I need to eat to complete my bubbles, or cut out to meet my bubble limit.
Now, I'm off to plan for tomorrow and how I will fill my tummy and my bubbles.
Yesterday was an adventure in bubbling. It was funny really. I had my breakfast, had my lunch, and at supper time I had so many "left over" bubbles I couldn't eat everything. I did, however, succeed in not drinking during meals and not having any pop. And lucky, lucky me, I woke up today with a killer headache...my body getting used to no caffeine. Tylenol took the edge off of it, but that's it, just the edge. It's back tonight with a vengeance. I am hoping that after a few days of no caffeine my body will quit rebelling against me and stop having headaches.
Since my first day in bubbling didn't work out exactly as I had hoped, last night I planned for today. We knew we were going to have lasagna for supper. Yes, good old-fashioned, home made lasagna. So I started from there and worked backwards. What did I have allotted for already and what did I want to eat for other meals.
I did figure out a way to have my visalus shakes again. That made me happy. I had it with milk instead of juice. And hey, I got to have my sugar-free, fat-free chocolate mix in it so it was nummy!
Lunch was completely satisfying...2 cups of salad with 2 ounces of baked chicken, with salad dressing. A bagel thin to go with it and I was filled right up.
I do think that for this to work well, I need to plan ahead like I did last night. Kind of like a kid laying out their clothes the night before so they don't have to take the time in the morning. I am all about being prepared, so this will be my new night time routine...plan for the next day.
So for now, my life is all about bubbles. I must plan in advance what to eat and determine if I have enough bubbles for what I am planning to eat and what else I need to eat to complete my bubbles, or cut out to meet my bubble limit.
Now, I'm off to plan for tomorrow and how I will fill my tummy and my bubbles.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Change
Change - that word alone scares people. I am facing a HUGE change in my life starting today.
Today I am filling out the bubble sheet that my eating has now been reduced to. I am finding it MUCH easier to write down what I am eating than figuring out which darn little bubble to fill in.
The bubbles are simply defining how I may eat my calories. Very weight watchers like. I get 6 carbs/starchy vegetables, 6 proteins, 3 non-starchy vegetables, 2 fruits, 3 fats. Then I must add in 3 milks and 6 waters as well as 30 minutes of exercise.
So does my 1 Tablespoon of lite ranch dressing count as a fat or as a free food, because technically it is a free food and I can have 3 free foods a day. But they have to be spread out. So then, does the lettuce and coleslaw mix I had count as my vegetable or as a free food, because that too is a free food. And then I had some flaked chicken with 1 teaspoon of lite miracle whip - again - fat or free? UGH - technically most of my lunch was on the free list, but since I at them together they aren't free or are they?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
So it's currently 4:40pm and I am officially starving! Now I haven't had my afternoon "snack" of 8 ounces of milk yet. Maybe if I have that it will be better. I just know I had better do something before I have to go work at the concession stand for the JV football game or I may try to eat everything in the stand! And there isn't a thing there that is on my "allowed" list. So....
My wonderful husband is doing this 1400 calorie a day thing as well. He texted part way through the afternoon that he too was feeling rather hungry. Could be a grumpy evening in our house!
I'm finding the limiting my food part fairly easy compared to figuring out the exercise part. I just got home, have a piano lesson soon and then off to the concession stand. So once I'm done with that, it's dark outside. And Wapello isn't exactly known for an excess of street lights. This is why we are seriously considering purchasing a treadmill.
Things that went will today: I managed to eat both of my meals and not drink anything 30 minutes before or after. AS hard as I thought that was going to be, it is actually proving fairly easy. I easily remembered my morning "snack" of milk. During an afternoon meeting, someone brought treats. I was excited to have a brownie, was just about to grab it and retracted my arm...oh yeah, I can't have that! So, I was proud of myself for remembering and not taking one anyway.
So working in the concession stand was torture. Not because of the work, that was fun, great people and great conversation. We got a lot of talking done because we weren't exactly busy. that was a great time, but the torture was scooping up the meat, lettuce and cheese for walking tacos. Or squirting out the nacho cheese on chips and adding meat. I love eating those things and then I had to get M&Ms out of the fridge....torture!!! But, I made it through and didn't cheat!
Supper was an interesting experience. I had been so careful during breakfast and lunch to not use up all of my bubbles....I had a LOT of bubbles left for supper. In fact, I ended up not eating all my carbs or veggies for the day and I was stuffed at supper! Who would have thought!
Thanks to a friend who has gone through this, I have figured out that I can do one of my shakes with milk instead of juice for breakfast. This makes me happy - I liked my shakes! We'll see how this goes tomorrow.
Change comes when we need it most. I am using this change as a daily motivation for what is to be the long-term change, a healthier me. I know that each step of the way will be difficult. I know that I will stumble, I will make mistakes, but I will pick myself up and continue and not hold that against myself as I continue forward in my quest.
So I try to think about school and kids and change. How can I take what I am learning about myself and my personal changes and use them in my professional life? Is that even possible?
When we first think of change, or a different way of doing something, people often get very defensive. People often think that when someone suggests a different way of doing something they are saying that the current way is bad. That is NOT the case. Suggesting a change doesn't mean that the current way is bad, it is simply an idea that may work as well or better. Or, could flop and not work well at all.
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result...I've seen quotes that say that is the definition of insanity. If we do the same thing and expect a different result - how do we think that result will suddenly change? IN teaching. If we have taught the same way for years, or a certain lesson the same way...if we expect that suddenly the test scores will improve...we are being naive. Getting different results means we need to change the approach we are taking.
The government has decided that ALL students will be proficient in ALL areas. They take no circumstances into account. EVERYONE must achieve that level, period. Schools all over the nation are finding that what we are doing to try to attain that result is not getting the job done. Schools are having to face hard test results and the fact that if we want a chance to get close to that government set goal, we have to change how we do things.
We have to change and that is scary. We have to go outside of our comfort zone and try new things, try new approaches, do things that we have never done before.
In my personal life that is what I am doing....I have to change and that is scary. I am going outside of my comfort zone and trying new things and new approaches and definitely doing things I have never done before.
Take a chance, be willing to change, be willing to put yourself out there and try new things. I believe you can do it and I hope that you will too.
Today I am filling out the bubble sheet that my eating has now been reduced to. I am finding it MUCH easier to write down what I am eating than figuring out which darn little bubble to fill in.
The bubbles are simply defining how I may eat my calories. Very weight watchers like. I get 6 carbs/starchy vegetables, 6 proteins, 3 non-starchy vegetables, 2 fruits, 3 fats. Then I must add in 3 milks and 6 waters as well as 30 minutes of exercise.
So does my 1 Tablespoon of lite ranch dressing count as a fat or as a free food, because technically it is a free food and I can have 3 free foods a day. But they have to be spread out. So then, does the lettuce and coleslaw mix I had count as my vegetable or as a free food, because that too is a free food. And then I had some flaked chicken with 1 teaspoon of lite miracle whip - again - fat or free? UGH - technically most of my lunch was on the free list, but since I at them together they aren't free or are they?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
So it's currently 4:40pm and I am officially starving! Now I haven't had my afternoon "snack" of 8 ounces of milk yet. Maybe if I have that it will be better. I just know I had better do something before I have to go work at the concession stand for the JV football game or I may try to eat everything in the stand! And there isn't a thing there that is on my "allowed" list. So....
My wonderful husband is doing this 1400 calorie a day thing as well. He texted part way through the afternoon that he too was feeling rather hungry. Could be a grumpy evening in our house!
I'm finding the limiting my food part fairly easy compared to figuring out the exercise part. I just got home, have a piano lesson soon and then off to the concession stand. So once I'm done with that, it's dark outside. And Wapello isn't exactly known for an excess of street lights. This is why we are seriously considering purchasing a treadmill.
Things that went will today: I managed to eat both of my meals and not drink anything 30 minutes before or after. AS hard as I thought that was going to be, it is actually proving fairly easy. I easily remembered my morning "snack" of milk. During an afternoon meeting, someone brought treats. I was excited to have a brownie, was just about to grab it and retracted my arm...oh yeah, I can't have that! So, I was proud of myself for remembering and not taking one anyway.
So working in the concession stand was torture. Not because of the work, that was fun, great people and great conversation. We got a lot of talking done because we weren't exactly busy. that was a great time, but the torture was scooping up the meat, lettuce and cheese for walking tacos. Or squirting out the nacho cheese on chips and adding meat. I love eating those things and then I had to get M&Ms out of the fridge....torture!!! But, I made it through and didn't cheat!
Supper was an interesting experience. I had been so careful during breakfast and lunch to not use up all of my bubbles....I had a LOT of bubbles left for supper. In fact, I ended up not eating all my carbs or veggies for the day and I was stuffed at supper! Who would have thought!
Thanks to a friend who has gone through this, I have figured out that I can do one of my shakes with milk instead of juice for breakfast. This makes me happy - I liked my shakes! We'll see how this goes tomorrow.
Change comes when we need it most. I am using this change as a daily motivation for what is to be the long-term change, a healthier me. I know that each step of the way will be difficult. I know that I will stumble, I will make mistakes, but I will pick myself up and continue and not hold that against myself as I continue forward in my quest.
So I try to think about school and kids and change. How can I take what I am learning about myself and my personal changes and use them in my professional life? Is that even possible?
When we first think of change, or a different way of doing something, people often get very defensive. People often think that when someone suggests a different way of doing something they are saying that the current way is bad. That is NOT the case. Suggesting a change doesn't mean that the current way is bad, it is simply an idea that may work as well or better. Or, could flop and not work well at all.
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result...I've seen quotes that say that is the definition of insanity. If we do the same thing and expect a different result - how do we think that result will suddenly change? IN teaching. If we have taught the same way for years, or a certain lesson the same way...if we expect that suddenly the test scores will improve...we are being naive. Getting different results means we need to change the approach we are taking.
The government has decided that ALL students will be proficient in ALL areas. They take no circumstances into account. EVERYONE must achieve that level, period. Schools all over the nation are finding that what we are doing to try to attain that result is not getting the job done. Schools are having to face hard test results and the fact that if we want a chance to get close to that government set goal, we have to change how we do things.
We have to change and that is scary. We have to go outside of our comfort zone and try new things, try new approaches, do things that we have never done before.
In my personal life that is what I am doing....I have to change and that is scary. I am going outside of my comfort zone and trying new things and new approaches and definitely doing things I have never done before.
Take a chance, be willing to change, be willing to put yourself out there and try new things. I believe you can do it and I hope that you will too.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Glee - can we learn from it?
"Pretty, pretty please. Don't you ever ever feel that you're less than, less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, you are perfect to me."
Pink's song (granted, the "clean" version) says what I would love to say to every single person.
I started watching Glee last year. What first drew me to the show was pretty simple, the music. I love how they take both classic and contemporary songs and re-do them. For example, the did Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and made it into a ballad. Way cool, didn't recognize it at first, yet I know every single word! I love the experimentation and the joy of the music.
These kids are unlikely friends, all outcasts for some reason or another. The idea that for these kids, music is making school tolerable, that music is their savior to making it through school. That music is giving them a peer group, a group of people who accept them.
I grew up feeling that way. I felt safe in music and drama activities. I wasn't ridiculed, bullied or made fun of by my fellow music geeks. It was a save place. We loved music, we loved making music, we had safety in numbers.
I know my daughter feels that connection to music and drama already as an 8th grader.
What is it about the arts that allow people to feel accepted for who they are? That makes people feel safe and allows them to just be who they are?
The more I watch Glee, the more I love it. Yes, I still love the music, but I love how they show the horrible things that people do to others who are "different" and who live their life the way they want to. It extends past the students to the adults in the show as well. There is the bully teacher, the OCD nervous teacher, the shy over-weight teacher, the popular good-haired teacher, every group that we see in the students, we see in the teachers.
The show does a fabulous job of showing how people who choose to love themselves for who they are treated by the "mainstream" people. They are ostracized daily by other students and except for a few caring teachers, the other adults allow it to occur.
I know that the show stereo-types and exaggerates, but it highlights what IS happening to our students. It may over do it in their presentation, but they deal with real issues that are really happening.
One of the girls in the show says: "Everyday just feels like a war. I walk around hating the world. But I don't want to fight any more. I just want to be me."
Shouldn't every student be able to stop fighting and be allowed to just be who they are? Kids shouldn't have to feel like every day is a war, that every day they are are fighting against the people around them. Kids should be able to be themselves and be loved and accepted for whoever that is.
And honestly, I say kids because I'm referring to this show...but I really mean people. ALL people should be able to love themselves for exactly who they are. ALL people should be accepted for who they are, whoever that is.
Adults, just like kids, hide who they are, hide what they feel and want. NO ONE should have to pretend to be someone they aren't. NO ONE should have to hide what they feel, what they want. Everyone deserves to know that they are not alone, that they are loved and accepted for exactly who they are.
I have spent my life pretending to be okay with being over weight. On the outside I have always seemed happy and "jolly." Then at home I would find solace in food. Being teased and made fun of and made to feel less because I was fat, played a huge toll on me.
I may have pretended that I was okay with it but I am not okay with it. Not because I don't like me, but because I want to be able to do things I see other people do. I want to be able to ride in an airplane and not need a seat belt extender. I want to have the seat belt fit so I can ride on the roller coaster with my children. I don't want to have to pretend that I don't want to go for a walk with friends because I won't make it very far before I am huffing and puffing and embarrass myself. I don't want to have to pretend to not hear people making fun of me.
I'm 43, and if I feel that way after years of dealing with my weight, how hard must it be for kids who are being teased and made fun of daily?! Kids don't know how to process their feelings, how to deal with everything that is happening to them. Kids are merciless to each other. We, as adults, need to stand up for those kids. We need to help those kids deal with what is happening to them and most importantly, we need to help those kids LIKE WHO THEY ARE.
The best lesson we can teach our students, the kids in our lives, is to LOVE THEMSELVES for exactly who they are. Don't make excuses, don't try to change...be who you were made to be and love yourself for it.
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, you are perfect to me."
Pink's song (granted, the "clean" version) says what I would love to say to every single person.
I started watching Glee last year. What first drew me to the show was pretty simple, the music. I love how they take both classic and contemporary songs and re-do them. For example, the did Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and made it into a ballad. Way cool, didn't recognize it at first, yet I know every single word! I love the experimentation and the joy of the music.
These kids are unlikely friends, all outcasts for some reason or another. The idea that for these kids, music is making school tolerable, that music is their savior to making it through school. That music is giving them a peer group, a group of people who accept them.
I grew up feeling that way. I felt safe in music and drama activities. I wasn't ridiculed, bullied or made fun of by my fellow music geeks. It was a save place. We loved music, we loved making music, we had safety in numbers.
I know my daughter feels that connection to music and drama already as an 8th grader.
What is it about the arts that allow people to feel accepted for who they are? That makes people feel safe and allows them to just be who they are?
The more I watch Glee, the more I love it. Yes, I still love the music, but I love how they show the horrible things that people do to others who are "different" and who live their life the way they want to. It extends past the students to the adults in the show as well. There is the bully teacher, the OCD nervous teacher, the shy over-weight teacher, the popular good-haired teacher, every group that we see in the students, we see in the teachers.
The show does a fabulous job of showing how people who choose to love themselves for who they are treated by the "mainstream" people. They are ostracized daily by other students and except for a few caring teachers, the other adults allow it to occur.
I know that the show stereo-types and exaggerates, but it highlights what IS happening to our students. It may over do it in their presentation, but they deal with real issues that are really happening.
One of the girls in the show says: "Everyday just feels like a war. I walk around hating the world. But I don't want to fight any more. I just want to be me."
Shouldn't every student be able to stop fighting and be allowed to just be who they are? Kids shouldn't have to feel like every day is a war, that every day they are are fighting against the people around them. Kids should be able to be themselves and be loved and accepted for whoever that is.
And honestly, I say kids because I'm referring to this show...but I really mean people. ALL people should be able to love themselves for exactly who they are. ALL people should be accepted for who they are, whoever that is.
Adults, just like kids, hide who they are, hide what they feel and want. NO ONE should have to pretend to be someone they aren't. NO ONE should have to hide what they feel, what they want. Everyone deserves to know that they are not alone, that they are loved and accepted for exactly who they are.
I have spent my life pretending to be okay with being over weight. On the outside I have always seemed happy and "jolly." Then at home I would find solace in food. Being teased and made fun of and made to feel less because I was fat, played a huge toll on me.
I may have pretended that I was okay with it but I am not okay with it. Not because I don't like me, but because I want to be able to do things I see other people do. I want to be able to ride in an airplane and not need a seat belt extender. I want to have the seat belt fit so I can ride on the roller coaster with my children. I don't want to have to pretend that I don't want to go for a walk with friends because I won't make it very far before I am huffing and puffing and embarrass myself. I don't want to have to pretend to not hear people making fun of me.
I'm 43, and if I feel that way after years of dealing with my weight, how hard must it be for kids who are being teased and made fun of daily?! Kids don't know how to process their feelings, how to deal with everything that is happening to them. Kids are merciless to each other. We, as adults, need to stand up for those kids. We need to help those kids deal with what is happening to them and most importantly, we need to help those kids LIKE WHO THEY ARE.
The best lesson we can teach our students, the kids in our lives, is to LOVE THEMSELVES for exactly who they are. Don't make excuses, don't try to change...be who you were made to be and love yourself for it.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Day 2 and Day 3
Yesterday, Day 2 on my journey.
I shared with my students what I was going to be doing. Went back and forth in my head if it was the right thing to do and decided that I was going to be telling them anyway when they asked, so why not just tell them from the start.
As I was telling the kids I made sure to say, SEVERAL times, that I was NOT doing this because I don't like what I look like or I don't like me. I told them that I love me just the way I was made, but it is important to me that I be healthy. I want to be a grandma who plays with her grandchildren and has fun, not one who sits in the chair and watches them playing. I explained to them that with being overweight there come many health risks and I want to make myself healthier.
It was VERY important to me that my students know that they should love themselves for whoever they are. I don't want anyone thinking I am doing this for how I look or because I don't like me. I am doing this to be healthier. I certainly don't want to send the message to students that if they are heavy they should want to change or they should not like themselves.
I also talked about how being overweight is partially my fault for the eating habits I have had. I explained that having good eating habits from a young age is important. If you have them from the start, it is much easier to carry them forward into adulthood when your metabolism changes on you anyway!
But I went on to tell them that part of being overweight is out of your control, it is a gene. It is how you are made and you should NEVER feel badly for how you were made. We were all made to be exactly who we are and we should love who that is. NO ONE is perfect but we are who we are supposed to be.
One of the best parts of what I have already gone through with this program was in the reading I did and in meeting with the surgeon. Yes, they want me to try to lose weight before the surgery, but he also said that people try, and often gain weight "it's part of the disease."
It gave me such validation....I have tried and tried to lose weight. It's frustrating beyond belief. I know people in my life have, at times, watched me eat and judged me for what I eat.
Here's the deal...when I eat healthy, exercise and really work hard to lose weight...I do for a little while and then, even while still eating healthy and exercising, I start to put it back on and then more.
The kicker - when I eat what I want and don't worry about it...I maintain my weight. No, I don't lose, but I also don't gain. It's like my body just wants to be there at that weight. And let me tell you....if eating carrots, broccoli, water, etc doesn't make me lose any weight and eating chocolate, coke zero and cheetos doesn't make me gain any weight - I will pick the chocolate, coke zero and cheetos! :-)
But, back to the kids at school. ONe of the reasons I first decided to tell them what was going on is that every morning since last March I have had a Visalus shake for breakfast. I am NOT good at time management in the morning (getting out of bed and getting breakfast before I leave the house - ummm, I'd rather stay in bed). So, I always have that shake at school with me while I am sitting in my happy place in the entry way with the kids. It's always been 12 ounces of OJ, the shake mix, 1/2 cup of mandarin oranges. Nummy. Well, one of the "NO" items for me now is juice. I can't have any juice any more. (the sugar molecules would enter my system before being broken down and cause diarrhea and such - so no more juice)
So kids were already asking me where my smoothie was. They were already seeing something was weird with me. They've been noticing that I am drinking water instead of coke zero, and now this darn smoothie is gone, what's going on Mrs. P!?!
And, if all goes as planned, when they come back to school next fall, there will be significantly less of me! And I'd be answering a TON of questions then.
It was kind of fun, actually. The kids are really excited for me, and that really made my day. Unlike adults, they totally accept what I am doing and don't question the why.
I do have to say, there were a few moments that nearly made me cry. A 4th grader worried I would become anorexic. I assured her that I would be FAR from anorexic! A 3rd grader worried I would die from the surgery. I told her that I had more of a chance of dying by driving to Burlington and being hit by another car.
I loved when a 5th grade boy told me that was it, he was going to stop eating junk food and start now and eating better because he too wanted to be able to play with his grandkids and if good eating habits start when you are young, he was starting now! :-)
Kids have a habit of being very transparent and saying exactly what they are feeling. Honestly, the kids were awesome and totally and completely supportive. NONE of them can believe that my stomach will end up being the size of 1/2 of an egg - they just can't fathom that! They feel VERY sorry that I will never get to have ice cream again. THAT was the worst for them. Oh, and that from now on my "snack" is a glass of milk. That made them just look at me like I was crazy.
Friday was a fabulous day 2 to my journey. The kids were phenomenal and I had my first "milk snack" during recess time!
SATURDAY - Day 3:
So, I tried the whole not drinking while you eat thing. That was weird. I drank a 20 ounce bottle of water while driving from Des MOines to Iowa City. I finished it out by Williamsburg outlet mall. When we got to REd Lobster, we had a 15 minute wait for a table. I definitely waited 30 minutes after drinking to eat anything. Then, after eating supper we shopped at Wal-Mart and then drove home. I didn't have any water until I got home. So, I did it. It was weird, at times I was really thirsty, but it passed.
I've decided that this no drinking during meals is going to be my first behavior change. I will work on the chewing 30 times for each bite after this has become more natural for me. I can't change everything at once, that just isn't possible.
Mike and I had already decided to wait unitl MOnday to start this whole 1400 calorie plan since we were traveling this weekend. So, I DID have one pop today - but just the one that I had with lunch at IHOP. And I didn't even drink it all!
Tomorrow we are doing to do some "prep" for the week, figuring out what to eat for lunches and suppers. And actually that will be easier for me than breakfast. I struggle with eating breakfast, always have. And the shakes were an easy way for me to get my breakfast but not feel heavy. So tomorrow I need to spend some time figuring out what I can do for breakfast that will meet my requirements but not made me feel icky.
Tomorrow is Day 4, a day of planning and preparing for the start of new eating habits that begin Monday.
To quote C.S. Lewis (I saw this on a friend's facebook page tonight):
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."
I shared with my students what I was going to be doing. Went back and forth in my head if it was the right thing to do and decided that I was going to be telling them anyway when they asked, so why not just tell them from the start.
As I was telling the kids I made sure to say, SEVERAL times, that I was NOT doing this because I don't like what I look like or I don't like me. I told them that I love me just the way I was made, but it is important to me that I be healthy. I want to be a grandma who plays with her grandchildren and has fun, not one who sits in the chair and watches them playing. I explained to them that with being overweight there come many health risks and I want to make myself healthier.
It was VERY important to me that my students know that they should love themselves for whoever they are. I don't want anyone thinking I am doing this for how I look or because I don't like me. I am doing this to be healthier. I certainly don't want to send the message to students that if they are heavy they should want to change or they should not like themselves.
I also talked about how being overweight is partially my fault for the eating habits I have had. I explained that having good eating habits from a young age is important. If you have them from the start, it is much easier to carry them forward into adulthood when your metabolism changes on you anyway!
But I went on to tell them that part of being overweight is out of your control, it is a gene. It is how you are made and you should NEVER feel badly for how you were made. We were all made to be exactly who we are and we should love who that is. NO ONE is perfect but we are who we are supposed to be.
One of the best parts of what I have already gone through with this program was in the reading I did and in meeting with the surgeon. Yes, they want me to try to lose weight before the surgery, but he also said that people try, and often gain weight "it's part of the disease."
It gave me such validation....I have tried and tried to lose weight. It's frustrating beyond belief. I know people in my life have, at times, watched me eat and judged me for what I eat.
Here's the deal...when I eat healthy, exercise and really work hard to lose weight...I do for a little while and then, even while still eating healthy and exercising, I start to put it back on and then more.
The kicker - when I eat what I want and don't worry about it...I maintain my weight. No, I don't lose, but I also don't gain. It's like my body just wants to be there at that weight. And let me tell you....if eating carrots, broccoli, water, etc doesn't make me lose any weight and eating chocolate, coke zero and cheetos doesn't make me gain any weight - I will pick the chocolate, coke zero and cheetos! :-)
But, back to the kids at school. ONe of the reasons I first decided to tell them what was going on is that every morning since last March I have had a Visalus shake for breakfast. I am NOT good at time management in the morning (getting out of bed and getting breakfast before I leave the house - ummm, I'd rather stay in bed). So, I always have that shake at school with me while I am sitting in my happy place in the entry way with the kids. It's always been 12 ounces of OJ, the shake mix, 1/2 cup of mandarin oranges. Nummy. Well, one of the "NO" items for me now is juice. I can't have any juice any more. (the sugar molecules would enter my system before being broken down and cause diarrhea and such - so no more juice)
So kids were already asking me where my smoothie was. They were already seeing something was weird with me. They've been noticing that I am drinking water instead of coke zero, and now this darn smoothie is gone, what's going on Mrs. P!?!
And, if all goes as planned, when they come back to school next fall, there will be significantly less of me! And I'd be answering a TON of questions then.
It was kind of fun, actually. The kids are really excited for me, and that really made my day. Unlike adults, they totally accept what I am doing and don't question the why.
I do have to say, there were a few moments that nearly made me cry. A 4th grader worried I would become anorexic. I assured her that I would be FAR from anorexic! A 3rd grader worried I would die from the surgery. I told her that I had more of a chance of dying by driving to Burlington and being hit by another car.
I loved when a 5th grade boy told me that was it, he was going to stop eating junk food and start now and eating better because he too wanted to be able to play with his grandkids and if good eating habits start when you are young, he was starting now! :-)
Kids have a habit of being very transparent and saying exactly what they are feeling. Honestly, the kids were awesome and totally and completely supportive. NONE of them can believe that my stomach will end up being the size of 1/2 of an egg - they just can't fathom that! They feel VERY sorry that I will never get to have ice cream again. THAT was the worst for them. Oh, and that from now on my "snack" is a glass of milk. That made them just look at me like I was crazy.
Friday was a fabulous day 2 to my journey. The kids were phenomenal and I had my first "milk snack" during recess time!
SATURDAY - Day 3:
So, I tried the whole not drinking while you eat thing. That was weird. I drank a 20 ounce bottle of water while driving from Des MOines to Iowa City. I finished it out by Williamsburg outlet mall. When we got to REd Lobster, we had a 15 minute wait for a table. I definitely waited 30 minutes after drinking to eat anything. Then, after eating supper we shopped at Wal-Mart and then drove home. I didn't have any water until I got home. So, I did it. It was weird, at times I was really thirsty, but it passed.
I've decided that this no drinking during meals is going to be my first behavior change. I will work on the chewing 30 times for each bite after this has become more natural for me. I can't change everything at once, that just isn't possible.
Mike and I had already decided to wait unitl MOnday to start this whole 1400 calorie plan since we were traveling this weekend. So, I DID have one pop today - but just the one that I had with lunch at IHOP. And I didn't even drink it all!
Tomorrow we are doing to do some "prep" for the week, figuring out what to eat for lunches and suppers. And actually that will be easier for me than breakfast. I struggle with eating breakfast, always have. And the shakes were an easy way for me to get my breakfast but not feel heavy. So tomorrow I need to spend some time figuring out what I can do for breakfast that will meet my requirements but not made me feel icky.
Tomorrow is Day 4, a day of planning and preparing for the start of new eating habits that begin Monday.
To quote C.S. Lewis (I saw this on a friend's facebook page tonight):
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Day 1 of the rest of my life: today
10/11/12 = Day 1 of the rest of my life!
I had my first appointment with the bariatric department today. My wonderfully supportive husband came along. I can't tell you how lucky I am to have him in my life. He was there, he was asking questions, he was encouraging me...he is in this with me and will be there every step of the way.
So here we go - this first step is hard for me. But to be honest with myself and to truly "put it out there," it is something I need to do for myself.
Day 1 - 327 pounds, BMI 52
These pictures are the most recent ones I have of myself, June 2012. They accurately show me at my present weight/size.
So today's process was interesting, encouraging, and very informative.
8:00am: I arrive at the Center for Digestive Diseases. Mike and I joke with each other that I have no trouble digesting food - that's the problem! LOL
8:10am: As I stepped off the scale today and said, "ick" the nurse said, "You will never see that number again, today is day 1 of the rest of your life." That was a very encouraging way to look at this and really started my day off on the right foot.
8:20am: I meet with the Nurse Specialist, Bariatric Surgery Coordinator. She goes through the packet I received with us. She is in charge of the education part of the program. She explains that I will have a series of 6 appointments to meet the requirements of the pre-authorization for the insurance company. I meet with the dietitian each of those 6 times. The first, fourth and sixth appointments I will also meet with the whole bariatric team (her, the PA for the department and my surgeon who is the head of the department). On the 6th visit (in March) I also do the psychiatric evaluation that is required by the insurance company. NO - not to make sure I'm not insane, we know I lost m marbles years ago! LOL. But to make sure I understand the risks, life-long commitment, and the reason I am doing this.
9:00am: I meet with the PA for the bariatric surgery department. He goes through the whole medical side of the procedure.
They go in laproscopically, so no huge incision, but 6 small cuts that are "super glued" and band-aided over.
They cut the top portion of the stomach off. The resulting pouch is the size of 1/2 an egg. Yes, tiny. Then they go down about 74 centimeters and gut the small intestines. They then take the lower portion of the small intestines and attach it to the newly created pouch. Then they re-attach the top part of the small intestines further down, closer to where the small intestines joins the large intestines.
THIS made both Mike and I happy. We thought the stomach and that portion of the small intestines were just "hanging" there unconnected. We didn't realize where that small intestine section looks like it is touching the other section, they are actually connected. That made us feel much better.
Why do they do this - at some point on that section of small intestine there is a connection to the pancreas and liver (I believe) and those enzymes are what digest and break down the food. And your stomach will still be making acid and such and they use all of that to digest the food, just lower down closer to the large intestines.
9:30 am: Mike and I and the other two new gastric bypass patients head to the education portion of the day. Here we watch a power point about the procedure and the specifics. We learn that we stay 2 nights in the hospital and take 1-2 weeks off of work. They would prefer 1 month off work, but go with 1-2 weeks. And NO lifting over 10# for 1 month.
Here is where I learn what kind of weight loss to expect. The statistics for gastric bypass is that you will lose 2/3 of your "excess" weight. What does that mean?
I currently weigh 327 pounds. I am 5'6.5" and my "ideal" weight is 140 pounds. That means my "excess" weight is 187 pounds. 66% of that 187 pounds is 123 pounds. So I should expect to finally settle with my weight down approximately 123 pounds - that would put me at 204 pounds in the end. No, not at my "ideal" weight - but a whole lot lighter than I am now!!!!
Things I can also expect to have change post-surgery:
- sleep apnea: I could very likely get rid of my sleep machine!
- blood pressure: I will most likely end up off my blood pressure meds
- stress incontinence: I might not wet my pants when I sneeze, cough, jump. This won't clear as much, but it should get a lot better!!
10:30am: The dietitian comes in and gives us our new "bible" for eating. I am now on a 1400 calorie diet until surgery.
I have met with a dietitian before, it was pathetic. I remember her telling me that if I am having pasta, no white sauce, only red sauce. I explained that I don't like red sauce and I'm not supposed to have acidic foods like that and she said, "Oh, you are going to have a hard time then." Seriously - and this person was supposed to help me?
The dietitian today, amazing. She talked us through, very specifically, how to figure out your food and what to and not to eat. She gave us a booklet that has every food in it. We can look up in the directory in the back to find a food and then find out what to "count" if you eat it.
She gave us a food record sheet that has this cool "bubble sheet" at the top. So not only do we write down everything we eat and drink, we "bubble" in the appropriate areas (grain/carbs, meat, milk, veggies fruits, fats, water). What a great way to SEE what you have eaten and what you have left to eat. A visual that will really help me stay on track.
This is where I learned all my new NO foods.
- sweets, ice cream, candy, anything delicious! LOL
- carbonated beverages - NONE
- Alcohol - NONE
- Acidic beverages - NONE
- juice - NONE
AHHHHHHHHHH - however, the rationalization made sense. In my new "pouch" there are no gastric juices to neutralize acidic foods or beverages and so that would set up my pouch and possible ulcers. AND, with that part of the intestine bypassed, take a sweet or juice and that pure sugar would hit my system hard and cause diarrhea and vomiting. Yuck. And alcohol - ha - nothing to process the alcohol so straight to the blood. Yikes. I'm already an easy drunk - can you imagine this?!?! NOPE.
I have to start now, learning to not drink anything while I eat. I need to stop drinking 30 minutes before I eat and not drink anything for at least 30 minutes after I eat. WHY? Because when we drink while we eat, our receptors don't get the "full" feeling they should get while you eat. And that causes over eating. So, even if not having surgery, what a great way to help your body get that full feeling. Do not drink anything before or after or during eating. Can do.
Chewing food - who knew, I now have to chew all my food to mush. Yes, 28 times before swallowing. Why? There are not gastric juices in your pouch to start digesting the food, so whatever goes into your pouch is what is going to pass into your intestines. The size of the route from pouch into intestine is the size of a pencil. If you don't chew your food to mush, you can have blockages and cause real problems. So, chew, chew, chew. And let me tell you, if you have never tried to chew EVERY bite you put into your mouth 28 times.... it is really, really hard. You are fighting the urge to swallow all the time! Oh, and it's hard to not drink with a meal too. This is going to be tough.
My new snack? 8 oz of skim milk. Yep, all day long you are to be drinking water, at least 48 ounces throughout the day. But 3 times a day (mid morning, mid afternoon, before bed) you need to drink an 8 oz glass of milk. Why? The protein.
The new rule to live by will be 50 grams of protein/50 grams of carbs. And you make sure you get all that protein first - that is the most important. Add in the 48 ounces of water and 30 minutes a day of exercise.
12:15pm: I meet with the surgeon who will do my surgery. We go over all that I've learned today and make sure I understand everything. At this point he stresses again the importance of stopping the pop, juice and one thing I forgot, no more ibuprofen for the rest of my life. I cannot have ibuprofen for the rest of my life - issues with stomach and ulcers. So, Tylenol products only.
Also talked about the vitamin supplements I will need to take post surgery for the rest of my life.
Discussed when the surgery would then happen. I told the doctor that if I had my way, the surgery would have been last week! But that I also have obligations with my job. Basically, once I have completed the 6 month program the surgeon and I can determine the date and go from there. What am I thinking now - the end part of May.
12:45pm: Mike and I leave the hospital and head to my "last supper" at Red Lobster!
So - the results of today. I am still excited and energized and ready to do this.
I am thrilled that as I go into this 6 month process, Mike is joining me on the journey. I told him that he can't drink pop either or I might go crazy trying to steal his! :-)
But mostly, he is going to do the 1400 calorie diet with me and do the exercising with me as well. He is going to be my partner in this 100%. He is so supportive, I am so fortunate.
My new life started today. I am excited, I am ready and I can't wait. I have been given the goal of trying to lose 30 pounds pre-surgery. But no pressure and no judging if it doesn't happen, the important part is I follow the plan and try.
My plan is to post updates on the progress as we go. Here we go...............
I had my first appointment with the bariatric department today. My wonderfully supportive husband came along. I can't tell you how lucky I am to have him in my life. He was there, he was asking questions, he was encouraging me...he is in this with me and will be there every step of the way.
So here we go - this first step is hard for me. But to be honest with myself and to truly "put it out there," it is something I need to do for myself.
Day 1 - 327 pounds, BMI 52
 |
| Mike and I on our Anniversary |
 |
| At the Arch in St. Louis |
So today's process was interesting, encouraging, and very informative.
8:00am: I arrive at the Center for Digestive Diseases. Mike and I joke with each other that I have no trouble digesting food - that's the problem! LOL
8:10am: As I stepped off the scale today and said, "ick" the nurse said, "You will never see that number again, today is day 1 of the rest of your life." That was a very encouraging way to look at this and really started my day off on the right foot.
8:20am: I meet with the Nurse Specialist, Bariatric Surgery Coordinator. She goes through the packet I received with us. She is in charge of the education part of the program. She explains that I will have a series of 6 appointments to meet the requirements of the pre-authorization for the insurance company. I meet with the dietitian each of those 6 times. The first, fourth and sixth appointments I will also meet with the whole bariatric team (her, the PA for the department and my surgeon who is the head of the department). On the 6th visit (in March) I also do the psychiatric evaluation that is required by the insurance company. NO - not to make sure I'm not insane, we know I lost m marbles years ago! LOL. But to make sure I understand the risks, life-long commitment, and the reason I am doing this.
9:00am: I meet with the PA for the bariatric surgery department. He goes through the whole medical side of the procedure.
 |
| Picture of the Gastric Bypass procedure. |
They cut the top portion of the stomach off. The resulting pouch is the size of 1/2 an egg. Yes, tiny. Then they go down about 74 centimeters and gut the small intestines. They then take the lower portion of the small intestines and attach it to the newly created pouch. Then they re-attach the top part of the small intestines further down, closer to where the small intestines joins the large intestines.
THIS made both Mike and I happy. We thought the stomach and that portion of the small intestines were just "hanging" there unconnected. We didn't realize where that small intestine section looks like it is touching the other section, they are actually connected. That made us feel much better.
Why do they do this - at some point on that section of small intestine there is a connection to the pancreas and liver (I believe) and those enzymes are what digest and break down the food. And your stomach will still be making acid and such and they use all of that to digest the food, just lower down closer to the large intestines.
9:30 am: Mike and I and the other two new gastric bypass patients head to the education portion of the day. Here we watch a power point about the procedure and the specifics. We learn that we stay 2 nights in the hospital and take 1-2 weeks off of work. They would prefer 1 month off work, but go with 1-2 weeks. And NO lifting over 10# for 1 month.
Here is where I learn what kind of weight loss to expect. The statistics for gastric bypass is that you will lose 2/3 of your "excess" weight. What does that mean?
I currently weigh 327 pounds. I am 5'6.5" and my "ideal" weight is 140 pounds. That means my "excess" weight is 187 pounds. 66% of that 187 pounds is 123 pounds. So I should expect to finally settle with my weight down approximately 123 pounds - that would put me at 204 pounds in the end. No, not at my "ideal" weight - but a whole lot lighter than I am now!!!!
Things I can also expect to have change post-surgery:
- sleep apnea: I could very likely get rid of my sleep machine!
- blood pressure: I will most likely end up off my blood pressure meds
- stress incontinence: I might not wet my pants when I sneeze, cough, jump. This won't clear as much, but it should get a lot better!!
10:30am: The dietitian comes in and gives us our new "bible" for eating. I am now on a 1400 calorie diet until surgery.
I have met with a dietitian before, it was pathetic. I remember her telling me that if I am having pasta, no white sauce, only red sauce. I explained that I don't like red sauce and I'm not supposed to have acidic foods like that and she said, "Oh, you are going to have a hard time then." Seriously - and this person was supposed to help me?
The dietitian today, amazing. She talked us through, very specifically, how to figure out your food and what to and not to eat. She gave us a booklet that has every food in it. We can look up in the directory in the back to find a food and then find out what to "count" if you eat it.
She gave us a food record sheet that has this cool "bubble sheet" at the top. So not only do we write down everything we eat and drink, we "bubble" in the appropriate areas (grain/carbs, meat, milk, veggies fruits, fats, water). What a great way to SEE what you have eaten and what you have left to eat. A visual that will really help me stay on track.
This is where I learned all my new NO foods.
- sweets, ice cream, candy, anything delicious! LOL
- carbonated beverages - NONE
- Alcohol - NONE
- Acidic beverages - NONE
- juice - NONE
AHHHHHHHHHH - however, the rationalization made sense. In my new "pouch" there are no gastric juices to neutralize acidic foods or beverages and so that would set up my pouch and possible ulcers. AND, with that part of the intestine bypassed, take a sweet or juice and that pure sugar would hit my system hard and cause diarrhea and vomiting. Yuck. And alcohol - ha - nothing to process the alcohol so straight to the blood. Yikes. I'm already an easy drunk - can you imagine this?!?! NOPE.
I have to start now, learning to not drink anything while I eat. I need to stop drinking 30 minutes before I eat and not drink anything for at least 30 minutes after I eat. WHY? Because when we drink while we eat, our receptors don't get the "full" feeling they should get while you eat. And that causes over eating. So, even if not having surgery, what a great way to help your body get that full feeling. Do not drink anything before or after or during eating. Can do.
Chewing food - who knew, I now have to chew all my food to mush. Yes, 28 times before swallowing. Why? There are not gastric juices in your pouch to start digesting the food, so whatever goes into your pouch is what is going to pass into your intestines. The size of the route from pouch into intestine is the size of a pencil. If you don't chew your food to mush, you can have blockages and cause real problems. So, chew, chew, chew. And let me tell you, if you have never tried to chew EVERY bite you put into your mouth 28 times.... it is really, really hard. You are fighting the urge to swallow all the time! Oh, and it's hard to not drink with a meal too. This is going to be tough.
My new snack? 8 oz of skim milk. Yep, all day long you are to be drinking water, at least 48 ounces throughout the day. But 3 times a day (mid morning, mid afternoon, before bed) you need to drink an 8 oz glass of milk. Why? The protein.
The new rule to live by will be 50 grams of protein/50 grams of carbs. And you make sure you get all that protein first - that is the most important. Add in the 48 ounces of water and 30 minutes a day of exercise.
12:15pm: I meet with the surgeon who will do my surgery. We go over all that I've learned today and make sure I understand everything. At this point he stresses again the importance of stopping the pop, juice and one thing I forgot, no more ibuprofen for the rest of my life. I cannot have ibuprofen for the rest of my life - issues with stomach and ulcers. So, Tylenol products only.
Also talked about the vitamin supplements I will need to take post surgery for the rest of my life.
Discussed when the surgery would then happen. I told the doctor that if I had my way, the surgery would have been last week! But that I also have obligations with my job. Basically, once I have completed the 6 month program the surgeon and I can determine the date and go from there. What am I thinking now - the end part of May.
12:45pm: Mike and I leave the hospital and head to my "last supper" at Red Lobster!
So - the results of today. I am still excited and energized and ready to do this.
I am thrilled that as I go into this 6 month process, Mike is joining me on the journey. I told him that he can't drink pop either or I might go crazy trying to steal his! :-)
But mostly, he is going to do the 1400 calorie diet with me and do the exercising with me as well. He is going to be my partner in this 100%. He is so supportive, I am so fortunate.
My new life started today. I am excited, I am ready and I can't wait. I have been given the goal of trying to lose 30 pounds pre-surgery. But no pressure and no judging if it doesn't happen, the important part is I follow the plan and try.
My plan is to post updates on the progress as we go. Here we go...............
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Expectations
Expectations...can be lived up to, can be lived down to, can be set too low, can be set too high...what ever way they really affect our students and children. What we expect from our students and children affect who they are and will become.
Often times I talk about being grateful for being a teacher before being a parent. I could see all the things people did well or poorly and then know what I would and would not do as a parent. That would make me perfect right? HA - not even close. Nice thought though!
So, examples I have seen:
Expectations set too low
The student is smart, but has a lot of energy. Parents tell you that there is nothing to do about this student, they are naughty and they are trouble and tell you this right in front of the child.
Kids are more observant than we give them credit for being. When kids hear, over and over, that they are naughty or they are trouble, they believe it. They live "down" to the expectations that have been expressed. They know they are getting attention for their behaviors and they live right down to that expectation.
Kids want attention and they will take it any way they can get it. If they feel the only way they will get attention is by acting out, then they will take that angry attention just so they get attention.
Kids want to please their parents/teachers. When they think you expect something from them, they try to achieve what they perceive you expect. We, as adults, need to set expectations we WANT them to achieve. If we continuously acknowledge the bad behavior, they think that is what is expected and do it more.
Living Down to Expectations
That is what happens when we set our expectations too low. Like I said, kids want to please, they want to do what they think you expect.
Some people think that if we set our expectations low, it will encourage success. Actually, I believe it does exactly the opposite.
Since I teach music, I am going to use an example from directing a choir. You want the kids to have success singing so you pick a song that they can easily sing without even trying. They could basically sight read it and do well.
Kids may appear to want things that they can do without any effort, but the truth is, if it's that easy, it bores them. If we consistently set too low of expectations, they get so used to not even trying that when we try to raise the bar a little, they give up because they have to try.
Living down to expectations is a huge problem. We need to believe in kids and not set our expectations to low.
Expectations Set too High
"I know they are capable of much more." Have you said that about your students or your own children? I know I have. We see what they are doing, we are disappointed and our reaction is to set the expectation much higher because we "know" they are capable of much more.
Oops - the problem is, we usually do this in response to students or children doing poorly. We are frustrated and we want them too realize that they can do better so we set a super high bar.
Well, just like kids shut down when an expectation is set too low and they are bored, kids shut down when an expectation is set too high. They view it as totally unattainable and shut down because they "know" they can't do it.
We know that they can do it, but the way to prove that is NOT to set the goal that high right off the bat.
The parent expects their child to be perfect, never talk, never miss problems on a test, never do anything out of line. This child snaps under pressure because... wait for it... they are human and they make mistakes. What kid doesn't talk too much at times? What kid doesn't forget the rule about no running in the hallway when they are super excited about something? Kids are human.
Just yesterday my husband made a comment that was really quite accurate. As adults, if we forget a form or we forget a deadline, we make arrangements to get it done. But as teachers we don't give that opportunity to our students. If they are late with an assignment, they are late. We don't allow them to make arrangements with us, we just say 'NO' it was due and you missed it.
Now I realize that we need to instill the responsibility of deadlines, time management, etc in our students. But what about those kids who genuinely forgot something, they have never done that before, this is a first. We tend to take the attitude of "they'll learn not to do that again." What? They will never make a mistake again? They are human for goodness sake. We all make mistakes, we all forget something, we are all human.
What if we quit setting that darn bar so high? What if we allow kids to make mistakes and not always reach that really, really high bar?
Living UP to Expectations
I am a firm believer that kids can and want to and will achieve a very high level if we set the expectations at an appropriately high level.
We need to set expectations a little above their current level. As a parent or a teacher, we know what the students are able to achieve. If we know they can do 20 addition problems in 1 minute, you set their goal at 22 problems. They are going to have to work a little harder, but it is achievable. If you keep it at 20, they don't have to push any harder. If we set it at 25, they get overwhelmed, that's another 25%...yikes, too hard, I can never do that. So they panic and they do worse than they did before. But, you set it at 22...it's a little harder, just 2 more, you just have to speed up a little bit, not a lot. This keeps them from being complacent and it forces them to give just a little more.
Every child does not need to have the same goal, do they? Do we expect every child to be the quarterback of the football team? Do we expect every child to be the top scorer in basketball? Do we expect every child to be a Rhodes Scholar? Absolutely not. But then why do we expect every child to do a certain number of addition problems in so many minutes? Some people take longer to process information. What if instead of saying they have to do 100 problems in 7 minutes, we give them 5 minutes and record how many they CAN do in that time. Then, individually set new goals for the next time they do it. Set it at an achievable level for each individual student. If they could only do 12 in that 5 minutes. A realistic goal is probably 13. If they can get 95 done in that 5 minutes, a realistic goal is to finish all 100. And what if they finish before the 5 minutes is up? Well you write down what their finish time was and their goal is then 5-10 seconds faster.
Every child deserves to have personal goals for their achievements, both academic and behavioral. Expecting every child to achieve at the same level at the same pace is unrealistic.
Education has moved to Standards and Benchmarks. What a child WILL be able to do at each grade level. It doesn't tell us how we have to get there, but it tells us where they need to be at the completion of each school year in each area.
But we are still trying to teach the same way we have always taught. Everybody does the same chapter at the same time and if you fail, you fail, the class moves on. But the idea behind the Common Core and standards is that there is a certain level that we need to get all children to. It is our responsibility to help get the students to that level. That means that we can't just say oh well when they fail and move on anyway. We need to work on individualized goals and expectations. When we do this, we help each kid achieve THEIR best. The higher student can keep going and do more and achieve more. The lower student works to raise their achievements at their pace. They don't give up as easily because they are able to see an attainable goal rather than one that seems so hard they know they can't reach it so they don't even try.
I make it sound so easy, but I know that it is not that easy. But I have seen it in action and seen it work. My daughter had a teacher in 1st grade who had this philosophy in his classroom. He was amazing with the kids. He helped each child in his classroom achieve THEIR highest. That was different for each child. What did that do for his students? The higher kids weren't held down waiting for others. The middle kids actually achieved a little more because they were allowed to keep going. The lower kids achieved a lot more than they would have if they were being expected to keep pace with the rest of the class or fail. They maybe didn't get as far in the curriculum as they would have if they were forced to keep pace - but when you are forced to keep pace and then fail at it all, are you really achieving much?
What about behavior expectations? Yes, we expect all kids to behave in a certain manner, but we need to realize that for some of our students/children, it is going to be a slower process to get them to the level we wish for in their behavior.
Even for those difficult students/children, we need to express expectations that are positive and achievable. And we need to acknowledge them when they achieve an expectation. Kids want and need recognition for doing well. The more we positively recognize them for doing the positive, the sooner it becomes ingrained in them. The more we recognize the negative behaviors, we are reinforcing that behavior - they crave attention, they'll take it anyway they can get it. We need to make it so that we are recognizing them for the positive behaviors and ignoring the negative ones.
Extremely hard to do, I know. I struggle with it with my more difficult students. How do I ignore a problem behavior when it is distracting the entire class? How do I reinforce positive behaviors? I work daily trying different ways, but still find myself struggling at times and falling into old habits of acknowledging the problem behavior.
Today I tried the totally positive way of saying "Is that what being responsible looks like? Are you showing me responsible?" Wow - it worked. So rather than expecting them to be bad, I expected them to know what responsible should look like because I had taught it to them already. So my expectation was clear, it was attainable and guess what - they did it!
So when you set expectations: Don't set them so low that it bores them, don't set them too high that you make it unattainable ...set it just above where they are, allow them to reach it and grow but feel good about themselves while they are doing it.
Where are your expectations?
Often times I talk about being grateful for being a teacher before being a parent. I could see all the things people did well or poorly and then know what I would and would not do as a parent. That would make me perfect right? HA - not even close. Nice thought though!
So, examples I have seen:
Expectations set too low
The student is smart, but has a lot of energy. Parents tell you that there is nothing to do about this student, they are naughty and they are trouble and tell you this right in front of the child.
Kids are more observant than we give them credit for being. When kids hear, over and over, that they are naughty or they are trouble, they believe it. They live "down" to the expectations that have been expressed. They know they are getting attention for their behaviors and they live right down to that expectation.
Kids want attention and they will take it any way they can get it. If they feel the only way they will get attention is by acting out, then they will take that angry attention just so they get attention.
Kids want to please their parents/teachers. When they think you expect something from them, they try to achieve what they perceive you expect. We, as adults, need to set expectations we WANT them to achieve. If we continuously acknowledge the bad behavior, they think that is what is expected and do it more.
Living Down to Expectations
That is what happens when we set our expectations too low. Like I said, kids want to please, they want to do what they think you expect.
Some people think that if we set our expectations low, it will encourage success. Actually, I believe it does exactly the opposite.
Since I teach music, I am going to use an example from directing a choir. You want the kids to have success singing so you pick a song that they can easily sing without even trying. They could basically sight read it and do well.
Kids may appear to want things that they can do without any effort, but the truth is, if it's that easy, it bores them. If we consistently set too low of expectations, they get so used to not even trying that when we try to raise the bar a little, they give up because they have to try.
Living down to expectations is a huge problem. We need to believe in kids and not set our expectations to low.
Expectations Set too High
"I know they are capable of much more." Have you said that about your students or your own children? I know I have. We see what they are doing, we are disappointed and our reaction is to set the expectation much higher because we "know" they are capable of much more.
Oops - the problem is, we usually do this in response to students or children doing poorly. We are frustrated and we want them too realize that they can do better so we set a super high bar.
Well, just like kids shut down when an expectation is set too low and they are bored, kids shut down when an expectation is set too high. They view it as totally unattainable and shut down because they "know" they can't do it.
We know that they can do it, but the way to prove that is NOT to set the goal that high right off the bat.
The parent expects their child to be perfect, never talk, never miss problems on a test, never do anything out of line. This child snaps under pressure because... wait for it... they are human and they make mistakes. What kid doesn't talk too much at times? What kid doesn't forget the rule about no running in the hallway when they are super excited about something? Kids are human.
Just yesterday my husband made a comment that was really quite accurate. As adults, if we forget a form or we forget a deadline, we make arrangements to get it done. But as teachers we don't give that opportunity to our students. If they are late with an assignment, they are late. We don't allow them to make arrangements with us, we just say 'NO' it was due and you missed it.
Now I realize that we need to instill the responsibility of deadlines, time management, etc in our students. But what about those kids who genuinely forgot something, they have never done that before, this is a first. We tend to take the attitude of "they'll learn not to do that again." What? They will never make a mistake again? They are human for goodness sake. We all make mistakes, we all forget something, we are all human.
What if we quit setting that darn bar so high? What if we allow kids to make mistakes and not always reach that really, really high bar?
Living UP to Expectations
I am a firm believer that kids can and want to and will achieve a very high level if we set the expectations at an appropriately high level.
We need to set expectations a little above their current level. As a parent or a teacher, we know what the students are able to achieve. If we know they can do 20 addition problems in 1 minute, you set their goal at 22 problems. They are going to have to work a little harder, but it is achievable. If you keep it at 20, they don't have to push any harder. If we set it at 25, they get overwhelmed, that's another 25%...yikes, too hard, I can never do that. So they panic and they do worse than they did before. But, you set it at 22...it's a little harder, just 2 more, you just have to speed up a little bit, not a lot. This keeps them from being complacent and it forces them to give just a little more.
Every child does not need to have the same goal, do they? Do we expect every child to be the quarterback of the football team? Do we expect every child to be the top scorer in basketball? Do we expect every child to be a Rhodes Scholar? Absolutely not. But then why do we expect every child to do a certain number of addition problems in so many minutes? Some people take longer to process information. What if instead of saying they have to do 100 problems in 7 minutes, we give them 5 minutes and record how many they CAN do in that time. Then, individually set new goals for the next time they do it. Set it at an achievable level for each individual student. If they could only do 12 in that 5 minutes. A realistic goal is probably 13. If they can get 95 done in that 5 minutes, a realistic goal is to finish all 100. And what if they finish before the 5 minutes is up? Well you write down what their finish time was and their goal is then 5-10 seconds faster.
Every child deserves to have personal goals for their achievements, both academic and behavioral. Expecting every child to achieve at the same level at the same pace is unrealistic.
Education has moved to Standards and Benchmarks. What a child WILL be able to do at each grade level. It doesn't tell us how we have to get there, but it tells us where they need to be at the completion of each school year in each area.
But we are still trying to teach the same way we have always taught. Everybody does the same chapter at the same time and if you fail, you fail, the class moves on. But the idea behind the Common Core and standards is that there is a certain level that we need to get all children to. It is our responsibility to help get the students to that level. That means that we can't just say oh well when they fail and move on anyway. We need to work on individualized goals and expectations. When we do this, we help each kid achieve THEIR best. The higher student can keep going and do more and achieve more. The lower student works to raise their achievements at their pace. They don't give up as easily because they are able to see an attainable goal rather than one that seems so hard they know they can't reach it so they don't even try.
I make it sound so easy, but I know that it is not that easy. But I have seen it in action and seen it work. My daughter had a teacher in 1st grade who had this philosophy in his classroom. He was amazing with the kids. He helped each child in his classroom achieve THEIR highest. That was different for each child. What did that do for his students? The higher kids weren't held down waiting for others. The middle kids actually achieved a little more because they were allowed to keep going. The lower kids achieved a lot more than they would have if they were being expected to keep pace with the rest of the class or fail. They maybe didn't get as far in the curriculum as they would have if they were forced to keep pace - but when you are forced to keep pace and then fail at it all, are you really achieving much?
What about behavior expectations? Yes, we expect all kids to behave in a certain manner, but we need to realize that for some of our students/children, it is going to be a slower process to get them to the level we wish for in their behavior.
Even for those difficult students/children, we need to express expectations that are positive and achievable. And we need to acknowledge them when they achieve an expectation. Kids want and need recognition for doing well. The more we positively recognize them for doing the positive, the sooner it becomes ingrained in them. The more we recognize the negative behaviors, we are reinforcing that behavior - they crave attention, they'll take it anyway they can get it. We need to make it so that we are recognizing them for the positive behaviors and ignoring the negative ones.
Extremely hard to do, I know. I struggle with it with my more difficult students. How do I ignore a problem behavior when it is distracting the entire class? How do I reinforce positive behaviors? I work daily trying different ways, but still find myself struggling at times and falling into old habits of acknowledging the problem behavior.
Today I tried the totally positive way of saying "Is that what being responsible looks like? Are you showing me responsible?" Wow - it worked. So rather than expecting them to be bad, I expected them to know what responsible should look like because I had taught it to them already. So my expectation was clear, it was attainable and guess what - they did it!
So when you set expectations: Don't set them so low that it bores them, don't set them too high that you make it unattainable ...set it just above where they are, allow them to reach it and grow but feel good about themselves while they are doing it.
Where are your expectations?
Monday, October 8, 2012
Getting Nervous
"Don't let it break you. No matter how hard things get, life goes on."
A few weeks ago a friend posted this on her facebook page. I'm thinking of it this week. Thursday I have my first appointment with the obesity surgery doctor. My understanding is that this appointment will determine if I am a candidate or not.
So I am getting nervous. What will they say to me? Will I "pass" muster? Will I be selected for surgery or will I fail again? Ahhhh..... scary.
I set a goal for myself before this appointment, give up my pop. I have purchased no pop since I posted it a couple of weeks ago. I have allowed myself to keep drinking the pop I had purchased already. So I currently have 14 left and then it's done. I have been slowly weening myself from my habit. I am working on drinking lots more water as well. It's been easier than I thought, actually. Today I was craving water...me, craving water. Weird.
Then I start thinking about the whole surgery thing itself. And I start having questions:
- how long will I be in the hospital when I have surgery?
- how long is the recovery time?
- will I be able to do this surgery during the school year or need to wait until summer time?
part of me wants to wait until summer yet another part of me is anxious to do this and quit waiting around. Then I say to myself, I've spent this many years over weight, what is a few more months. And then the other side of me says I HAVE spent so many years over weight, I don't want to wait any longer, let's do this thing and do it now.
- will I have side effects from the surgery?
several years ago I knew someone who had the surgery and she was in and out of the hospital for like 3 months, she got very sick. But in the long run she would still have done the surgery all over, even knowing the complications. And then I've talked to others who have had the surgery and they have had no complications and are completely satisfied with the procedure.
- will I finally feel full?
I think one of the hardest parts for me of going on a diet and trying to lose weight is feeling hungry all the time. I never seem to feel full. I know that through the years I have stretched my stomach. This is going to cut off a small pouch and reattach it to the intestines - my stomach will be a pouch now, not a large organ.
- what will people think of me for doing this?
I have spent most of my life feeling self conscious about my weight and how people treat me/talk to me/talk about me for my weight. I have heard every single name for fat. And surprisingly, it still hurts. I act like I have thick skin, like nothing bugs me but the truth is I have very thin skin. I am very sensitive to how people treat me and say about me.
Are people going to think I'm a failure for doing this? Other people can lose weight and succeed, why can't I? Will they think I'm just copping out and taking the "easy way" out? (this is FAR from easy, by the way)
- what if I don't lose as much weight as I would hope?
I don't know what to expect, that's a question I will ask the doctor on Thursday. But I know that for once in my life, I would like to not be stared at for being fat. I would like to not be considered the "fat girl."
- Stupid question - will I feel like I'm not the fat girl any more?
I call my blog the Inner Skinny Me - why? I joke all the time that I feel 25 years old, how can I possibly be turning 44?!?! I have never let my weight stop me. I am always on the go, I don't use my weight as an excuse and I do what I want to do. (No, I don't do as much as I SHOULD do, but I do whatever I want to do.) I think I have always imagined myself thinner because it hurts so badly when people make fun of me or put down fat people. It doesn't even have to be me that people are talking rudely about, when I hear people putting down fat people, I get irrate. NOTHING bothers me more. If I get thinner, will I still feel like the fat girl?
- will people look at me differently because I did this?
Will people judge me? I think this goes to the what will people think of me for doing this question.
- will I be able to maintain this?
Probably one of my biggest questions/fears. Will I fail again and put the weight back on after going through all of this? I am scared to death that I will fail. That I will do this, go through everything and then a few years down the road, start over eating and stretch out my pouch and ruin everything I have done. I have promised myself that I will not do this, that I will be strong, and will stay the course for the rest of my life. But I still get scared that I will fail yet again.
Thursday is coming fast and I have NO IDEA what to expect from this first appointment. All I really know is that I have to be there by 8 am and that I was told it is a 5-6 hour evaluation and I meet with a dietitian as well as the surgeon. Mike is coming along with me to be a second set of ears and another brain. He can think of questions I may not think of. He may hear things that I miss. I am SO glad to have a husband who supports me 100% and is there for me. We will both miss an entire day of work for this appointment but it doesn't bother him at all - he is will do miss work and be there for me. That means the world to me.
So, I'm a little on edge these days. I have butterflies in my stomach and keep thinking of more questions. The procedure itself doesn't scare me. I am READY to let the inner skinny me out for the world to see.
A few weeks ago a friend posted this on her facebook page. I'm thinking of it this week. Thursday I have my first appointment with the obesity surgery doctor. My understanding is that this appointment will determine if I am a candidate or not.
So I am getting nervous. What will they say to me? Will I "pass" muster? Will I be selected for surgery or will I fail again? Ahhhh..... scary.
I set a goal for myself before this appointment, give up my pop. I have purchased no pop since I posted it a couple of weeks ago. I have allowed myself to keep drinking the pop I had purchased already. So I currently have 14 left and then it's done. I have been slowly weening myself from my habit. I am working on drinking lots more water as well. It's been easier than I thought, actually. Today I was craving water...me, craving water. Weird.
Then I start thinking about the whole surgery thing itself. And I start having questions:
- how long will I be in the hospital when I have surgery?
- how long is the recovery time?
- will I be able to do this surgery during the school year or need to wait until summer time?
part of me wants to wait until summer yet another part of me is anxious to do this and quit waiting around. Then I say to myself, I've spent this many years over weight, what is a few more months. And then the other side of me says I HAVE spent so many years over weight, I don't want to wait any longer, let's do this thing and do it now.
- will I have side effects from the surgery?
several years ago I knew someone who had the surgery and she was in and out of the hospital for like 3 months, she got very sick. But in the long run she would still have done the surgery all over, even knowing the complications. And then I've talked to others who have had the surgery and they have had no complications and are completely satisfied with the procedure.
- will I finally feel full?
I think one of the hardest parts for me of going on a diet and trying to lose weight is feeling hungry all the time. I never seem to feel full. I know that through the years I have stretched my stomach. This is going to cut off a small pouch and reattach it to the intestines - my stomach will be a pouch now, not a large organ.
- what will people think of me for doing this?
I have spent most of my life feeling self conscious about my weight and how people treat me/talk to me/talk about me for my weight. I have heard every single name for fat. And surprisingly, it still hurts. I act like I have thick skin, like nothing bugs me but the truth is I have very thin skin. I am very sensitive to how people treat me and say about me.
Are people going to think I'm a failure for doing this? Other people can lose weight and succeed, why can't I? Will they think I'm just copping out and taking the "easy way" out? (this is FAR from easy, by the way)
- what if I don't lose as much weight as I would hope?
I don't know what to expect, that's a question I will ask the doctor on Thursday. But I know that for once in my life, I would like to not be stared at for being fat. I would like to not be considered the "fat girl."
- Stupid question - will I feel like I'm not the fat girl any more?
I call my blog the Inner Skinny Me - why? I joke all the time that I feel 25 years old, how can I possibly be turning 44?!?! I have never let my weight stop me. I am always on the go, I don't use my weight as an excuse and I do what I want to do. (No, I don't do as much as I SHOULD do, but I do whatever I want to do.) I think I have always imagined myself thinner because it hurts so badly when people make fun of me or put down fat people. It doesn't even have to be me that people are talking rudely about, when I hear people putting down fat people, I get irrate. NOTHING bothers me more. If I get thinner, will I still feel like the fat girl?
- will people look at me differently because I did this?
Will people judge me? I think this goes to the what will people think of me for doing this question.
- will I be able to maintain this?
Probably one of my biggest questions/fears. Will I fail again and put the weight back on after going through all of this? I am scared to death that I will fail. That I will do this, go through everything and then a few years down the road, start over eating and stretch out my pouch and ruin everything I have done. I have promised myself that I will not do this, that I will be strong, and will stay the course for the rest of my life. But I still get scared that I will fail yet again.
Thursday is coming fast and I have NO IDEA what to expect from this first appointment. All I really know is that I have to be there by 8 am and that I was told it is a 5-6 hour evaluation and I meet with a dietitian as well as the surgeon. Mike is coming along with me to be a second set of ears and another brain. He can think of questions I may not think of. He may hear things that I miss. I am SO glad to have a husband who supports me 100% and is there for me. We will both miss an entire day of work for this appointment but it doesn't bother him at all - he is will do miss work and be there for me. That means the world to me.
So, I'm a little on edge these days. I have butterflies in my stomach and keep thinking of more questions. The procedure itself doesn't scare me. I am READY to let the inner skinny me out for the world to see.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
It Takes a Village
There is an African proverb that says, "It takes a village to raise a child." That is the the origin of the title of a book written by First Lady Hillary Clinton in 1996.
The idea is that children are influenced by more than just their immediate family, they are influenced by everyone they see every day.
Children are impressionable, children learn what they see and what they hear. Everyone in the community has a responsibility for raising the children in our community. No, we don't directly care for them, we don't feed them, put them to bed, etc - but the members of the community play a very important role in the lives of our children.
Parents have the largest influence on their children and whether or not the kids will drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex, etc.
The experts say that the more time parents spend talking with their children, the less risk there is of their children making the poor choices.
We take that responsibility very seriously in our house, but we do it in a humorous way. Our kids are old enough now that they both know about drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. So daily we talk to our kids about their days. We ask them what was going on at school, what happened in their lives, anything happen that was not fun? At the end of our talking here is a typical discussion:
Mike: Have we talked long enough?
Maggie: Yes
Mike: Are you going to drink?
Maggie: No
Mike: Are you going to do drugs?
Maggie: No
Mike: Are you going to smoke?
Maggie: No
Mike: Are you going to have sex?
Maggie: Sometime.
Mike: Okay, sit down, we haven't talked enough!
Maggie: Daaad.
She used to say, No, gross. But as she has gotten older she switched to the sometime answer. She did it simply to get dad's goat. Perfect!
We have the largest role in this for our children, but I know that what my kids see and hear from others plays a role as well. It makes them question what we are saying when they see other students doing questionable things and the adults in their lives allowing it to happen.
Being a parent is tough. Making hard decision, standing by them and being strong...not always easy, but what we have to do to raise responsible, independent, reliable children.
So, I was thinking about my own childhood and the adults other than my parents who were a part of my life.
There were, of course, my 2nd parents. Oh wait, I had a couple sets of 2nd parents. These people were parents of my closest friends and my parents' friends. I spent many, many hours at their houses and those adults disciplined me like I was their own child. I knew they were going to hold me responsible for my actions and my behavior.
I can remember very clearly being disciplined by my 2nd mom, Benda. Darcy and I had been fighting over something, that I cannot recall. But I got mad and I threw her piggy bank or something against her dresser and broke it. Oooo... I remember Benda being VERY mad at me. I had just as much "fear" of her as I had of my own parents. I knew that I couldn't get away with things just because she wasn't my mom.
I remember going to my dad's store and the adults that worked there. These 2 women and 1 man playes a large role in my life. They knew what was going on in my life, they asked me about my life, they cared and I wanted to please them.
Then there were the "old people" in our neighborhood. We had 2 sets of neighbors whose children were grown. They were like grandparents in many ways. There were (in my little girl language) Mr. and Mr. Jennings (sorry Carolyn, I always said Mr. and Mr.) and then there was Mr. and Mrs. Rising. Jennings lived in the 2 story yellow house next door. I LOVED to go over and watch Mr. Jennings working on his lawn, Mrs. Jennings cooking. I just loved to be over there. Mr. and Mrs. Rising lived 2 doors down in the blue house. I can remember playing hide and seek in their house in the basement with other kids from the neighborhood.
These "old" people in our neighborhood knew my parents, but they weren't people they socialized with on a regular basis. They socialized with my parents because of us children! We were what got my parents and these "older" people together.
SCARY...Mike and I are now the "older" people in the neighborhood. For the last 2 weekends we have been the old people doing fun things for the little people in our neighborhood! Last weekend our 5 year old neighbor girl had a birthday party. She invited all of us to her party. But what she REALLY wanted was for us to have a bon fire for her party. All she could talk about all week was...we have fire, right? I get fire for my birthday, right? Is it time for fire? What fun.
So last Saturday night found us on our back patio with the neighbor girl and two of her little friends. In addition, the parents of the 2 other little girls. We had s'mores and sat around the fire enjoying the nice fall evening.
This week at school the mom of one of those other little girls told me that her daughter had asked if we were coming to HER birthday party (which is tomorrow) and if SHE got a fire too.
So guess what we did tonight? We had a fire for this other little girl's birthday! She and her family came, as did her grandma and grandpa. We had s'more and hot chocolate and sat around enjoying the fire and the chilly night.
Now, we are not old like Mr. and Mrs. Jennings or Rising - our kids are still in school and living at home. But to the little girl tonight - we are old...her grandma is one of my friends. So to her, we are old like grandma! :-)
That's okay with me - I don't mind being the old lady who makes s'mores for the neighbor kids.
Mike has been working on the landscaping of our yard this summer. Recently some neighbor kids have been paying very close attention to what Mike is doing. These kids must be home schooled because we don't know who they are. We know where they live, down the street, but we don't know them.
These kids will do anything to be part of helping Mike with the landscaping. They spread the mulch on our recent corner project. It was done super quick with the help of these 2 kids. Mike is being a part of their lives, talking with them, asking about their day, and they are loving being around him.
We have always lived in small towns. We feel that whole "village" philosophy is easier to find in a smaller community. I know that my friends who live in cities tell me that they find that feeling in neighborhoods in the cities. But we really prefer small town living.
The last 2 weekends have reminded me even more how much of a responsibility we adults have in our communities. These 2 little girls have reminded me that they are watching what we do with their little brains that are sponges.
I know my own kids watch adults and what they do and don't do and question us about it. They watch what people do and say and then ask us why or why not. They are watching and wondering how it applies to their lives. I know my kids are doing this so I know other kids are watching as well. My kids aren't special, they are normal. Kids watch we adults, they learn from us, they model what they see.
We have a responsibility to be people we would want our children to be modeling. We need to realize that little eyes are watching us all the time, even when we don't realize we are being observed.
"It takes a village to raise a child." The last 2 weekends have driven that home to me. It is fun being part of a village and I take that responsibility seriously, do you?
The idea is that children are influenced by more than just their immediate family, they are influenced by everyone they see every day.
Children are impressionable, children learn what they see and what they hear. Everyone in the community has a responsibility for raising the children in our community. No, we don't directly care for them, we don't feed them, put them to bed, etc - but the members of the community play a very important role in the lives of our children.
Parents have the largest influence on their children and whether or not the kids will drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex, etc.
The experts say that the more time parents spend talking with their children, the less risk there is of their children making the poor choices.
We take that responsibility very seriously in our house, but we do it in a humorous way. Our kids are old enough now that they both know about drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. So daily we talk to our kids about their days. We ask them what was going on at school, what happened in their lives, anything happen that was not fun? At the end of our talking here is a typical discussion:
Mike: Have we talked long enough?
Maggie: Yes
Mike: Are you going to drink?
Maggie: No
Mike: Are you going to do drugs?
Maggie: No
Mike: Are you going to smoke?
Maggie: No
Mike: Are you going to have sex?
Maggie: Sometime.
Mike: Okay, sit down, we haven't talked enough!
Maggie: Daaad.
She used to say, No, gross. But as she has gotten older she switched to the sometime answer. She did it simply to get dad's goat. Perfect!
We have the largest role in this for our children, but I know that what my kids see and hear from others plays a role as well. It makes them question what we are saying when they see other students doing questionable things and the adults in their lives allowing it to happen.
Being a parent is tough. Making hard decision, standing by them and being strong...not always easy, but what we have to do to raise responsible, independent, reliable children.
So, I was thinking about my own childhood and the adults other than my parents who were a part of my life.
There were, of course, my 2nd parents. Oh wait, I had a couple sets of 2nd parents. These people were parents of my closest friends and my parents' friends. I spent many, many hours at their houses and those adults disciplined me like I was their own child. I knew they were going to hold me responsible for my actions and my behavior.
I can remember very clearly being disciplined by my 2nd mom, Benda. Darcy and I had been fighting over something, that I cannot recall. But I got mad and I threw her piggy bank or something against her dresser and broke it. Oooo... I remember Benda being VERY mad at me. I had just as much "fear" of her as I had of my own parents. I knew that I couldn't get away with things just because she wasn't my mom.
I remember going to my dad's store and the adults that worked there. These 2 women and 1 man playes a large role in my life. They knew what was going on in my life, they asked me about my life, they cared and I wanted to please them.
Then there were the "old people" in our neighborhood. We had 2 sets of neighbors whose children were grown. They were like grandparents in many ways. There were (in my little girl language) Mr. and Mr. Jennings (sorry Carolyn, I always said Mr. and Mr.) and then there was Mr. and Mrs. Rising. Jennings lived in the 2 story yellow house next door. I LOVED to go over and watch Mr. Jennings working on his lawn, Mrs. Jennings cooking. I just loved to be over there. Mr. and Mrs. Rising lived 2 doors down in the blue house. I can remember playing hide and seek in their house in the basement with other kids from the neighborhood.
These "old" people in our neighborhood knew my parents, but they weren't people they socialized with on a regular basis. They socialized with my parents because of us children! We were what got my parents and these "older" people together.
SCARY...Mike and I are now the "older" people in the neighborhood. For the last 2 weekends we have been the old people doing fun things for the little people in our neighborhood! Last weekend our 5 year old neighbor girl had a birthday party. She invited all of us to her party. But what she REALLY wanted was for us to have a bon fire for her party. All she could talk about all week was...we have fire, right? I get fire for my birthday, right? Is it time for fire? What fun.
So last Saturday night found us on our back patio with the neighbor girl and two of her little friends. In addition, the parents of the 2 other little girls. We had s'mores and sat around the fire enjoying the nice fall evening.
This week at school the mom of one of those other little girls told me that her daughter had asked if we were coming to HER birthday party (which is tomorrow) and if SHE got a fire too.
So guess what we did tonight? We had a fire for this other little girl's birthday! She and her family came, as did her grandma and grandpa. We had s'more and hot chocolate and sat around enjoying the fire and the chilly night.
Now, we are not old like Mr. and Mrs. Jennings or Rising - our kids are still in school and living at home. But to the little girl tonight - we are old...her grandma is one of my friends. So to her, we are old like grandma! :-)
That's okay with me - I don't mind being the old lady who makes s'mores for the neighbor kids.
Mike has been working on the landscaping of our yard this summer. Recently some neighbor kids have been paying very close attention to what Mike is doing. These kids must be home schooled because we don't know who they are. We know where they live, down the street, but we don't know them.
These kids will do anything to be part of helping Mike with the landscaping. They spread the mulch on our recent corner project. It was done super quick with the help of these 2 kids. Mike is being a part of their lives, talking with them, asking about their day, and they are loving being around him.
We have always lived in small towns. We feel that whole "village" philosophy is easier to find in a smaller community. I know that my friends who live in cities tell me that they find that feeling in neighborhoods in the cities. But we really prefer small town living.
The last 2 weekends have reminded me even more how much of a responsibility we adults have in our communities. These 2 little girls have reminded me that they are watching what we do with their little brains that are sponges.
I know my own kids watch adults and what they do and don't do and question us about it. They watch what people do and say and then ask us why or why not. They are watching and wondering how it applies to their lives. I know my kids are doing this so I know other kids are watching as well. My kids aren't special, they are normal. Kids watch we adults, they learn from us, they model what they see.
We have a responsibility to be people we would want our children to be modeling. We need to realize that little eyes are watching us all the time, even when we don't realize we are being observed.
"It takes a village to raise a child." The last 2 weekends have driven that home to me. It is fun being part of a village and I take that responsibility seriously, do you?
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Is Your Reflection worth Seeing
"Wouldn't
it be interesting if you could SEE someone's INTERNAL flaws as quickly
as some humans judge the perceived EXTERNAL flaws! See, to do that, you
actually have to get to KNOW people before making a judgement. That
requires work; work that some people may not have any interest in
performing."
The above quote is from a friend of mine. This was her comment on a link I shared on facebook last night. Very powerful to me. People are soooo quick to judge a book by it's cover. People judge others by what they see rather than getting to know people. And when we do that, we sell ourselves short. We all have our external (and internal) flaws. No one wants to be judged by them, they are just that, flaws. But flaws do NOT define who we are.
By now most of us have heard about, or seen for ourselves, the video of the Wisconsin news anchor and her live call out of a cyber bully. Just in case you have not, here is the video. It's 4:21 long, and worth every second watching.
Things in this video that strike a note with me (there are many).
1) The man says, "Certainly you don't consider yourself a suitable example for this community's young people, girls in particular."
Are you kidding me? First off, when I look at this woman, I don't see obese. I don't see fat. I see a woman who is beautiful. No, she doesn't wear a size 2. And since when does SIZE matter about being an example for young people. Isn't being an example about WHO we are, our actions?
I myself am considered "morbidly obese" in the medical community. Does that mean I can't be a good example for our children? I think I am a fabulous example to our kids...I like myself for who I am, not what I look like. One of the biggest things we need to teach our children is to like themselves, to love who they are on the inside. To feel worthy of loving and being loved.
To say someone isn't a suitable example because of their weight is ridiculous on SO MANY levels.
2) "Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain."
Is this man for real? He has obviously never had any issues with weight or he would never be able to say something like this. Believe me, I did not CHOOSE to be obese. I would do almost anything to be a different size. I have spent so many years hating myself because I am obese. Feeling like I am unloveable because I am obese. Why in the world would I CHOOSE to be obese so I can be ridiculed, bullied, harrassed, ostracized, excluded, condemned. That doesn't even make sense.
Dangerous habit to maintain? Right....I am trying to maintain my obesity. I do everything I can to stay fat. OMG, this man has no clue.
3) She said that yes, she is overweight, even could say fat, and yes, on a doctor's chart maybe even obese. But then she says, "To the person who wrote that letter, do you think I don't know that?"
This is when I started crying while I watched her video. I say this every single year to my students when I am talking about the expectation that in my classroom you will not just show respect for the teacher, but you will show respect for your classmates and probably most importantly you will show respect for feelings. I explain that it doesn't matter if you are 43 years old like me or 7 (or whatever age they are) like you...being made fun of hurts. I always say that even now, I hear people say things about me and my weight and call me fat... like I don't know that? Yes, I have a mirror, I look in it every morning and yes, I can see that I weigh more than I want to. I am not blind, I know that I am fat. But the outside is NOT what matters, it is what is inside that counts and I like who I am on the inside.
4) She says to him that "you know nothing about me but what you see on the outside and I am much more than a number on a scale."
Wow, powerful words. And she delivers it straight to camera, excellent. A number on a scale is just that, a number. Who we are on the inside, what makes us who we are, what makes us special - that all can't be seen.
But SO many people judge others by the outside, but what they see without bothering to go further. For example. Something that has always bothered me, and really is no big deal, but it still bothers me. I am a singer, I love to sing. I have a mezzo-soprano voice. In many, many musicals or shows I have the voice to sing the lead. But because of my weight, I get the character roles, the old ladies, the favorite aunt, etc. I can't be the leading lady because I'm fat. Seriously? Evidently to be beautiful and sing the lead, you have to be skinny.
HOnestly, the time in my life for singing those leads is LONG over. But it always hurt knowing that I could sing as awesome as possible and still never land the role.
5) This woman has my complete admiration. She turns something that could have been completely devastating into a fabulous teachable moment. And the man's timing couldn't have been better with October being national anti-bullying month.
6) Cyber bullying - scary stuff. She tells us that kids are getting emails like this and worse.
Kids can be totally demoralized by this kind of bullying. Cyber bullies are even harsher and meaner than face-to-face bullies because of the assumed anonymity. These cyber bullies feel a separation from their action because they are typing, they aren't saying mean things, they aren't hitting, they are just sending an email, how can that be bullying?
It is our job to teach these kids that they are JUST as accountable for cyber bullying as they are for face-to-face bullying.
As she says, she doesn't know this man, his words mean nothing. But she also says, she knows better. Kids do not. Kids don't realize that a cyber bullies words should mean nothing to them. Kids have a way of taking everything said to them to heart. Kids believe bullies, live or cyber. Kids are not emotionally mature enough to brush off cyber bullying. Kids need us to protect them.
7) "This behavior is learned. It is passed down by people like the man who wrote this email."
She goes on to say if you are talking about that "fat newslady" and your kids hear you - they are going to go to school talking about that "fat newslady". You are teaching them that it is okay to talk about another person that way.
8) "We need to teach our kids to be kind, not critical. And we need to do that by example."
AMEN. I said in a blog the other night how kids see and hear what adults do and then learn from that. If they see us treating others with disrespect, then they will treat others with disrespect. If they hear us putting down someone for their looks, they will put others down for their looks.
Kids are perceptive. It doesn't work to tell them to do as I say, not as I do. As a matter of fact, kids learn MORE from watching us than from listening to us. The model what they see. WE need to lead by example and be sure that what we do and what we say is worth being modeled.
9) "To all of the children out there who feel lost. Who are struggling with your weight, with the color of your skin, your sexual preference, your disability, even the acne on your face. Do not let your self worth be defined by bullies."
What a powerful statement, and so very, very true.
I told you there were many things from that video that struck a note with me!
I found myself crying through this 4 minute video because I was so able to relate to this woman because of my own encounters with bullies.
THEN I kept crying because all I could think of was all the kids I see every day who I know are getting picked on and I want to be able to stop it. I want to be able to protect them. I want to be able to wrap them in my arms and tell them that bullies don't matter, bullies are just mean.
But I can't protect the world. I can't save all the kids. Oh, but I wish I could.
I became a teacher because school was a horrible place for me. I was bullied constantly through jr and sr high. My safe place was music. I was accepted for who I was, for my singing talent, for my piano and saxophone abilities. I didn't have to be skinny, I didn't have to be gorgeous, I had other talents. But outside of my safe zone, school was hell.
I have always said "I became a teacher to help kids through the hell we call high school. If I can help just ONE student make it through, I will feel like I have done my job."
This woman's 3 daughters have an amazing mother who will raise them to love themselves for who they are inside. Kudos to her and her strength to stand up to this bully. And Kudos to her for bringing it to the public and sharing with us the need for stopping these bullies, for holding them accountable for their actions.
I sit in my happy place every day, the entryway to the school. It is my way of making sure that kids know they are valued and cared for and there are adults who care and are there for them. I have kids ask me, "Mrs. Peterson, why are you sitting here every single day?"
Because it makes me happy to be around you! That is my answer to every kid who asks. And it's true every time I say it. It doesn't matter who the kid is, it makes me happy to be around them and to share their lives with them. And I want them to know, whoever they are, whatever they look like, whatever their struggle is....they don't need to feel lost, I am there, others are there. WE CARE and YOU MATTER.
Help stop bullying, be an example and live your life in a way you would want to be modeled. Remember, how your children act reflects on you. Do you want that reflection to be negative? Do you want that reflection to be bullying? Make that reflection one you and others can be proud of. Make that reflection one of acceptance, tolerance and kindness. Make that reflection one of respect.
The above quote is from a friend of mine. This was her comment on a link I shared on facebook last night. Very powerful to me. People are soooo quick to judge a book by it's cover. People judge others by what they see rather than getting to know people. And when we do that, we sell ourselves short. We all have our external (and internal) flaws. No one wants to be judged by them, they are just that, flaws. But flaws do NOT define who we are.
By now most of us have heard about, or seen for ourselves, the video of the Wisconsin news anchor and her live call out of a cyber bully. Just in case you have not, here is the video. It's 4:21 long, and worth every second watching.
Things in this video that strike a note with me (there are many).
1) The man says, "Certainly you don't consider yourself a suitable example for this community's young people, girls in particular."
Are you kidding me? First off, when I look at this woman, I don't see obese. I don't see fat. I see a woman who is beautiful. No, she doesn't wear a size 2. And since when does SIZE matter about being an example for young people. Isn't being an example about WHO we are, our actions?
I myself am considered "morbidly obese" in the medical community. Does that mean I can't be a good example for our children? I think I am a fabulous example to our kids...I like myself for who I am, not what I look like. One of the biggest things we need to teach our children is to like themselves, to love who they are on the inside. To feel worthy of loving and being loved.
To say someone isn't a suitable example because of their weight is ridiculous on SO MANY levels.
2) "Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain."
Is this man for real? He has obviously never had any issues with weight or he would never be able to say something like this. Believe me, I did not CHOOSE to be obese. I would do almost anything to be a different size. I have spent so many years hating myself because I am obese. Feeling like I am unloveable because I am obese. Why in the world would I CHOOSE to be obese so I can be ridiculed, bullied, harrassed, ostracized, excluded, condemned. That doesn't even make sense.
Dangerous habit to maintain? Right....I am trying to maintain my obesity. I do everything I can to stay fat. OMG, this man has no clue.
3) She said that yes, she is overweight, even could say fat, and yes, on a doctor's chart maybe even obese. But then she says, "To the person who wrote that letter, do you think I don't know that?"
This is when I started crying while I watched her video. I say this every single year to my students when I am talking about the expectation that in my classroom you will not just show respect for the teacher, but you will show respect for your classmates and probably most importantly you will show respect for feelings. I explain that it doesn't matter if you are 43 years old like me or 7 (or whatever age they are) like you...being made fun of hurts. I always say that even now, I hear people say things about me and my weight and call me fat... like I don't know that? Yes, I have a mirror, I look in it every morning and yes, I can see that I weigh more than I want to. I am not blind, I know that I am fat. But the outside is NOT what matters, it is what is inside that counts and I like who I am on the inside.
4) She says to him that "you know nothing about me but what you see on the outside and I am much more than a number on a scale."
Wow, powerful words. And she delivers it straight to camera, excellent. A number on a scale is just that, a number. Who we are on the inside, what makes us who we are, what makes us special - that all can't be seen.
But SO many people judge others by the outside, but what they see without bothering to go further. For example. Something that has always bothered me, and really is no big deal, but it still bothers me. I am a singer, I love to sing. I have a mezzo-soprano voice. In many, many musicals or shows I have the voice to sing the lead. But because of my weight, I get the character roles, the old ladies, the favorite aunt, etc. I can't be the leading lady because I'm fat. Seriously? Evidently to be beautiful and sing the lead, you have to be skinny.
HOnestly, the time in my life for singing those leads is LONG over. But it always hurt knowing that I could sing as awesome as possible and still never land the role.
5) This woman has my complete admiration. She turns something that could have been completely devastating into a fabulous teachable moment. And the man's timing couldn't have been better with October being national anti-bullying month.
6) Cyber bullying - scary stuff. She tells us that kids are getting emails like this and worse.
Kids can be totally demoralized by this kind of bullying. Cyber bullies are even harsher and meaner than face-to-face bullies because of the assumed anonymity. These cyber bullies feel a separation from their action because they are typing, they aren't saying mean things, they aren't hitting, they are just sending an email, how can that be bullying?
It is our job to teach these kids that they are JUST as accountable for cyber bullying as they are for face-to-face bullying.
As she says, she doesn't know this man, his words mean nothing. But she also says, she knows better. Kids do not. Kids don't realize that a cyber bullies words should mean nothing to them. Kids have a way of taking everything said to them to heart. Kids believe bullies, live or cyber. Kids are not emotionally mature enough to brush off cyber bullying. Kids need us to protect them.
7) "This behavior is learned. It is passed down by people like the man who wrote this email."
She goes on to say if you are talking about that "fat newslady" and your kids hear you - they are going to go to school talking about that "fat newslady". You are teaching them that it is okay to talk about another person that way.
8) "We need to teach our kids to be kind, not critical. And we need to do that by example."
AMEN. I said in a blog the other night how kids see and hear what adults do and then learn from that. If they see us treating others with disrespect, then they will treat others with disrespect. If they hear us putting down someone for their looks, they will put others down for their looks.
Kids are perceptive. It doesn't work to tell them to do as I say, not as I do. As a matter of fact, kids learn MORE from watching us than from listening to us. The model what they see. WE need to lead by example and be sure that what we do and what we say is worth being modeled.
9) "To all of the children out there who feel lost. Who are struggling with your weight, with the color of your skin, your sexual preference, your disability, even the acne on your face. Do not let your self worth be defined by bullies."
What a powerful statement, and so very, very true.
I told you there were many things from that video that struck a note with me!
I found myself crying through this 4 minute video because I was so able to relate to this woman because of my own encounters with bullies.
THEN I kept crying because all I could think of was all the kids I see every day who I know are getting picked on and I want to be able to stop it. I want to be able to protect them. I want to be able to wrap them in my arms and tell them that bullies don't matter, bullies are just mean.
But I can't protect the world. I can't save all the kids. Oh, but I wish I could.
I became a teacher because school was a horrible place for me. I was bullied constantly through jr and sr high. My safe place was music. I was accepted for who I was, for my singing talent, for my piano and saxophone abilities. I didn't have to be skinny, I didn't have to be gorgeous, I had other talents. But outside of my safe zone, school was hell.
I have always said "I became a teacher to help kids through the hell we call high school. If I can help just ONE student make it through, I will feel like I have done my job."
This woman's 3 daughters have an amazing mother who will raise them to love themselves for who they are inside. Kudos to her and her strength to stand up to this bully. And Kudos to her for bringing it to the public and sharing with us the need for stopping these bullies, for holding them accountable for their actions.
I sit in my happy place every day, the entryway to the school. It is my way of making sure that kids know they are valued and cared for and there are adults who care and are there for them. I have kids ask me, "Mrs. Peterson, why are you sitting here every single day?"
Because it makes me happy to be around you! That is my answer to every kid who asks. And it's true every time I say it. It doesn't matter who the kid is, it makes me happy to be around them and to share their lives with them. And I want them to know, whoever they are, whatever they look like, whatever their struggle is....they don't need to feel lost, I am there, others are there. WE CARE and YOU MATTER.
Help stop bullying, be an example and live your life in a way you would want to be modeled. Remember, how your children act reflects on you. Do you want that reflection to be negative? Do you want that reflection to be bullying? Make that reflection one you and others can be proud of. Make that reflection one of acceptance, tolerance and kindness. Make that reflection one of respect.
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