Milestones, Milestones

So, last Thursday, March 27, 2014 is one of my favorite days.  Why?!  Well, by 11:30 that morning I had made THREE major milestones.

Milestone #1:
I made it to what the weight loss community calls "onederland" - in otherwords - I no longer weigh over 200 pounds.  My scale that morning said 199.8.  Yes, barely onederland, but onederland all the same.

This was my 2nd post surgery goal, so I am thrilled.  I am moving on to my 3rd post surgery goal which is to be "overweight" instead of obese - that means getting to 187 pounds.  So, I have updated my marble jars so that I can "see" my next goal.  And as of this morning - I was 197.8 so life is good!


Milestone #2:
I bought my first pair of pants with NO W after the number.  In other words, normal old pants, not plus sized or women's sized pants.

At first I was a little bummed by the number, but hey, it's progress.  Why was I bugged?  Well, my jeans that fit right now are a 14W.  I tried on some capris in a 14W and they were too big.  So I asked the clerk - NOW WHAT?  Luckily, Dress Barn is a double sided store - meaning it has "normal" sized clothes and plus sized clothes.

The clerk said, "Well, we get a 16 from the other side."  My first reaction was ...16?!  But then I realized - well, the cut is different,e tc, etc.

And, the 16 fit.  It is snug, not tight, on the thighs and hips, but gapping at the waist.  I guess I am now resigned to wearing belts all the time because I am a hippy and thighy (nice, made up word) person.  And to fit my lovely hips, thighs, and extra skin on my lower tummy, the waist is going to be to large.  So, belts it is!


Milestone #3:
I bought a shirt in a size MEDIUM.  Holy shit, medium.  My mind has been blown lately anyway realizing that my shirts are now a size Large.  That is just unfathomable to me.  But to need to buy a MEDIUM?  I almost started crying right there in the store.

It was kind of funny.  I saw the shirt on the wall and thought it was cute, I grabbed a large.  When I put it on and was looking in the mirror, it just was wrong.  I decided it was the shirt just didn't look good on me.  Well, about 5 minutes later it occurred to me that what I hadn't liked is how it hung on my sides.  So, I decided to take a change and grabbed a medium.  I figured it was a silly thing to do, but what the heck.

I was blown away when it fit.


Since Thursday, life just keeps making me happy.  I was telling my mother-in-law how hard it is for me to look in the mirror because I still see the 327 pound fat girl when I look.  I know in my head I am not that person any more, but since I have changed gradually and I have been seeing myself the whole time - I seriously do not see the difference unless I compare pictures.

My MIL's response, "Well you need to see it because it's there."  or something to that extent.  Her point being - I'm not the 327 pound girl any more and I need to see that when I look in the mirror.

THEN, my daughter wanted to go in to Vanity to try on some clothes.  I am still looking for some jean capris for this spring so I thought - what the heck, why not try?

OMG - they fit me - and not even the largest size in the store!  The problem - evidently people who shop at Vanity like to have their pants nearly showing their butt and have to pull them up all the time.  LOL
I could NOT buy them - they were just way too low cut for me...I'm an old lady, now some young one, I like the higher riding pants, please.

But the real point - I could shop in the SAME STORE as my 14 year old daughter.  Again, mind blown.

So life is going pretty darn well as I approach my 11 months since surgery date.  I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it if I could be to goal #3 (187 pounds) and not be obese any longer when I go for my 1 year post surgery appointment in May.  THAT would make my day.  So, I have a little over a month to get there and 10.8 pounds to lose.

10 Month Surgiversary

This past Friday marked 10 months since my Gastric Bypass (RNY) surgery.

They have been 10 amazing months.  Amazing for many reasons:  good and bad.

I'll start with the bad - because I don't want to dwell on them.

• still, 10 months out, I don't always know what food will sit well and what food will make me sick.  It's kind of a "crap shoot".  The unfortunate part is that one day a food can be great and the next time I eat it, it makes me sick.  I would worry, but the support sites I belong to on-line have shown me that I am not alone in this.
• Food apathy.  NEVER would I have guessed that I would go from being a food addict to being food apathetic.  But seriously - much of the time I have to remind myself to eat.  And when I am hungry, nothing ever sounds good.  I used to get excited about going out to eat - I still enjoy going out but the eating part, I really could not care less.  Eating has become something I MUST do, something my body needs, so I do it...but food no longer is something I look forward to.  
• Because of the food apathy I have learned that I need to find something that works, something I like to eat, and eat it all the time.  yes, I tend to eat the same thing every single day.  BORING.  But, it stays down, I stay feeling good.
• Protein - who knew it would be so difficult to get all the protein in that I am supposed to have each day.  Especially when nothing ever sounds good.  My dietitian really stresses and pushes EATING the protein, not using protein bars or protein shakes.  Well - if I don't do a protein shake, I simply do not get enough protein in.  
• Carbs - OMG - I still crave carbs and that stinks.  Yes, although I am food apathetic, there is still that urge to munch at times.  I work really hard to not munch and mindlessly eat.  But when I do allow a snack or munch - my body says "give me carbs" - bad, bad bad.  This did not really start until December and since then I am trying really hard to break the carb cycle and get them OUT.
• Stalls - Losing weight the first few months was easy..,.it seemed to just melt off.  It is MUCH slower now...MUCH.  But it is still slowly coming off.  I need to remember it is coming off much more than it was a year ago.  So - I keep plugging away.

Honestly - I put these in the "bad" category - but they really are not bad.  They are a bother, a pain, an obstacle, but really are not problems or complications.  I have been truly fortunate.  I had ZERO complications from my surgery.  I have had no complications from the surgery over the last 10 months.  As far as the surgery goes - I have been a dream.  The "bad" things are more of me adjusting to the new life I have.

So, on to the good:

• Health - wow...when I really think about this, it amazes me.  Before surgery I had high blood pressure, gastric reflux, sleep apnea, joint pain, and holy heck stairs were hell on me.  Since surgery...Blood Pressure meds gone since 1 week after surgery, reflux meds gone 1 month after surgery.  Sleep Apnea - I had to stop using the machine toward the end of summer because it actually made me hurt.  In January I finally had a new sleep study and it shows that I no longer need the CPap machine.  Joints - other than periodic pains from exercising and such - they are virtually gone.  Stairs - well, I actually choose to take them sometimes when I have the option of stairs vs. elevator.  Why not!
• Stairs - just a side note.  Last week our surgery support group met and our speaker was an orthopedic surgeon.  He was talking about obesity and the joints, mostly knees.  He told us a figure that I had not heard before...He said when we go up stairs - we are putting 5 times our body weigh on our knees, going down stairs it is 7 times.  So - I have lost 125 pounds, that means when I go down stairs I am putting 875 fewer pounds of weight/pressure on my knees with each step.  875 pounds.  That is completely unreal to me.  I looked at the doctor and said, "NO WONDER stairs were hell!"
• Self Image - this may sound petty but I feel so much better about myself.  I look in the mirror and I am finally able to see that I have lost 125 pounds.  It has taken me most of these 10 months to get to this point.  For most of the last 10 months I looked in the mirror and still saw the 327 pound fat girl.  I still struggle with this, but I am FINALLY seeing the new me (at least a little) when I look in the mirror.  INfact, I have kind of become a mirror aholic!  LOL  I actually enjoy looking in the mirror now.
• Exercise - I can't say I enjoy it necessarily, but I don't hate it and THAT is progress.  I feel guilty when I do not get to the gym.  I am learning to push myself and strive to do more/be better each time I am there.
• Will Power - I finally have some of this when it comes to food and sweets.  I have learned to take a bit or two of a dessert instead of 1-2 pieces of dessert.  I can eat a few bites of Mike's dessert and be satisfied.  There have been 4 boxes of Girl Scout cookies in my house for a few weeks - they seriously do not even tempt me.  THAT is unreal to me.  The food apathy helps in that way - so even though I listed it as a bad - I try to see the good parts of it and use it to help me.
• Energy - People have always said I have lots of energy.  Often that was because I made sure to have that energy when I was in public - privately I could have none.  Well now - it's not something I have to try to do, something I have to think about - I just seriously have more energy all the time.  Infact, I feel old, I am waking up earlier and going to bed earlier - that's what OLD people do.  I wake up sometimes at 3:00am and have to read or soemthing for an hour before I can go back to sleep.  And when I wake up in the morning I don't feel horrible, I can still get up!
• Horizontal Stripes - this is odd, for my whole life I have completely stayed away from clothing with horizontal stripes - they accentuate your width - and I wanted to hide my width.  Now - they are my favorite thing to wear.  I have many shirts with black and white horizontal stripes, some with other colors, but most of them are black and white. (don't worry, they are all different!)  But I love the way I look in them now.  It accentuates my smaller waist.  They show off that I have a figure, I have curves...and the curves are in the right places!!

Way back last May I had my pre-op appointment with the surgeon and the PA.  At that meeting the PA set a 1 year goal for me - the weight he wanted me to achieve by May 7, 2014.  I am thrilled to say that at the 10 month point, I am only 2 pounds away from that doctor set goal.  MY goal, however is 15 pounds away.  The doctor set my goal to be a BMI of 30.  Which is down 22 from where I started with a BMI of 52.  As much as that thrills me....a BMI of 30 is still considered obese.  I have not come this far to still be obese.

So, I set my goal to be overweight.  It's kind of funny when you say to someone, "The goal I am striving for is to finally be overweight!"  It makes people look at you a little oddly.  But I started with such a high BMI and was morbidly obese.  At least now I am simply obese, no more morbidly before it.  But that just is not good enough for me.  I want to at least be overweight!  And I know that if I keep working at this and doing what I need to do - I can achieve that goal.  And then, if I really, really work hard - I can maybe...MAYBE get to "normal".  But I have decided that I have to agree to be happy with getting to overweight and maintaining that.  Sure, I might be able to push really hard and get to "normal" but would I be able to maintain that?  I do NOT want to get down and then start re-gaining the weight - that can just be a train wreck.

I need to keep things real, I need to remember where I came from and all that I have achieved in the past 10 months.  I was given a gift... a tool to use to help me finally find the Molly that was hidden inside, "theinnerskinnyme"!  She was really in there and I am finding her.  Doing this surgery and adjusting to my new lifestyle has been FAR from easy and will remain FAR from easy for the rest of my life.  But I would not change it for the world.  Other than picking my amazing husband, deciding to have this surgery is the best decision I have ever made for myself.  I am thankful every single day for the tool I have to help me do this. 

I am excited to see what the next 10 months bring!