So the last time I posted was September and I was ecstatic - I had FINALLY gotten to overweight instead of obese.
Ha - that lasted about a week - then I was back to where I've been since last March. UGH.
I've used this blog too often as just a - yay, I'm doing great. A way to cheer for myself. Yes, I've talked about the bad things, the mental issues, the body image issues, the food issues...but generally and over all, I've used it to help me feel good about myself and what I am doing.
I guess I haven't felt too good about myself since last March. I've been completely stuck. Yep, since last March I've been the same weight. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, I just stay where I am...stuck
I guess I have spent too much time feeling sorry for myself. I often feel like I've failed. I follow a few weight-loss surgery support groups and I see people who started exactly where I was and had surgery after I did... and they got much further than I have.
I know, I know - never compare yourself to others, we are all on our own journey. I get that. But seriously - an entire year and I have not made any advances. SO, SO angry with myself. I think that's the big thing. My self anger.
I find that I have reverted in my brain to old days of not believing I can achieve what I want. I self-defeat myself. I know exercising is good for me - but when I do, I still don't lose weight. I was being very good about exercising regularly - but still, no change. So - why exercise?
I'm supposed to eat very few carbs - but if I eat few carbs or enjoy carbs - I stay the same.
Am I somehow stopping myself from losing more? I wish I knew. I don't want to be a failure, I don't want to feel like I've failed. But for some reason - I'm stuck.
Is it in my brain - am I self-sabotaging? How do I stop this?
Daily questions and worries. How do I stop this?
