You're Different and That is Bad

Book title you will never see..."You're Different and That's Bad"

However, if you walk into any school you will see people treating people badly because they are different.  I think that is the number one issue facing us in a school - to get people to treat people kindly.

This past week I witnessed 3 boys harassing a 4th boy because he didn't wear camo to school on the cowboy/camo day.  They seriously felt it necessary to make fun of him because he preferred other activities to hunting.  The 4th boy, the one being teased, was the bigger person and walked away.  But those 3 felt it necessary to keep saying things as he walked away.  I intervened and stopped the boys, talked to them about their behavior and made sure that their classroom teacher was aware of the situation and could keep an eye out for future interactions.

I've been that 4th boy on way too many occasions.  I hurt for him as he was walking away.  But was proud of him to my very core.  He knew that attempting to tell the other 3 off would only result in them continuing or getting worse.  I don't think he even knew I was standing there.  I intervened while he was still in ear shot because I wanted to be sure he knew that someone was there, standing up for his right to like whatever he wanted to like to do for an activity.  Knowing the kid like I do, I knew that he would be uncomfortable with me telling him I talked to the boys, but I know that he will appreciate that I did it.

The problem - that kind of behavior happens WAY too often and most often not in the earshot of an adult who can help them.  And I am not deluding myself that the 3 boys will stop their behavior.

Adults are almost no better than kids.  As teachers we get into our own ruts, our own routines and get scared of change.  Then when someone tries something new and different, it threatens us and what we know.  Unfortunately, that can result in unkind words shared over the new and different practices.

I know I have said before that change scares us.  I don't get why we as people are threatened by change and trying new things.  Why different scares us.  Shouldn't we be celebrating our differences and our attempts at being the best teachers we can be?  Shouldn't we be thrilled for a teacher who is trying something new and finding positive results?  But for some reason we have a tendency to want to hold on the "the way we've always done things" rather than going out on a limb and trying something new.

I used to work very hard to make sure that I covered a certain amount of material, in a certain order every year so that I made sure each student got the same education from me.  It worked in the past, it will work now, right?!  Then one February about 12 years ago or so I attended the Minnesota Music Educators Conference.  I attended one 60 minute session that changed how I taught.  It opened me up to change things up, do things differently, give the students more ownership in their education.  That spring I tossed all my lesson plans out the window and tried a whole new approach.  The result, a student written, directed, crafted spring program.  They wrote the songs, wrote the script and created the set.  I was no longer teaching them, I was guiding them in their discovery.

Now I would like to say that was what changed everything.  It wasn't.  When I tried that same approach another year, it failed miserably.  What I learned then was what really helped me....

We can't teach the same we to each new set of kids.  We have to adapt our teaching to each group of kids.  We can't expect that "last year it took me 8 days to get through chapter 1 so this year I planned 8 days."  That can result in giving a test to students who are NOT ready.  And when we do that and the kids do poorly, we tend to lay the blame on the kids for not paying attention because the kids last year did just fine.  But we all learn differently.

Last year I watched a teacher do something that made me thrilled.  This teacher was planning a test on one day, had arranged for the person who reads tests to some of the students to be ready to read on that day.  The day before the test the teacher told the test reader that they would NOT be taking the test tomorrow, the kids are struggling and they would be doing some re-teaching and covering things in a different way before taking the test.

That made me so happy.  I loved seeing this teacher watching out for the kids and their best interest rather than a schedule that had been predetermined.  Covering more and not having comprehension does not always make for a better education.  This teacher gets that and took more time, risking not getting as far as they wanted to get, but assuring better learning.  Kudos to that teacher.

Every student we teach learns differently.  We are the best teachers when we go out of our way to teach to each student as an individual rather than a group of kids.  I know, I can hear people saying - I have way too many kids in my class to do that.  But wait, I am not saying you teach the lesson 18 ways if you have 18 students.  When we teach, we can make sure that we engage all learning styles, we can remember that not all kids learn best in one way and be open to trying new things.  Last week I saw a teacher on their stomach in the classroom working on something with a couple of students.  That worked best for them.... that's what the teacher did.

As teachers we need to realize that every teacher is not the same, we don't all teach with the same style, we don't all connect with kids in the same way.  We all have our own ways of teaching and directing learning and that is OK.  One may like to follow the text book, one may like to use the text book as a resource but use other sources as well.  One may like standing while talking, another may like sitting backwards in their chair facing the kids.  Just like no two students are alike, no two teachers are alike.  We tell kids all the time that it's okay to be who you are and like yourself.  Teachers need to have the same views on teachers - we are all teaching to a common goal, but the approach is as varied as their are people teaching and it's okay to teach in your own way.

Just recently I've been thinking about this a lot.  Actually really thinking about it.  We teach kids to be themselves, to like themselves for who they are.  We tell them that it's okay to be their own person and NOT do "what everyone else is doing" just to try to be cool or accepted.  But then they are told by us day in and day out that to learn you must sit quietly in your chair, feet on the floor and listen.  I don't know about you, but I don't always find that a comfortable way to sit and listen.

Some people like to sit on their knees.  (not me, that would kill me)  Some prefer to sit backwards in a chair and lean on the back to listen.  Some like to sit on the floor.  Some prefer to stand.

What would happen if we allowed kids (if they are not distracting others and are listening) sit, stand, kneel, etc, however they would like while we are teaching?  Would the world end?  Would it distract the kids?  My answer is I think not.  I think the only one who may be uncomfortable is the teacher.

Like I said, I've been thinking about this a lot.  I have one student who almost always ends up sitting on the floor instead of in his chair.  It used to bug the crap out of me.  I would make him get back in his chair.  I finally realized, if I leave this boy alone, he is listening and paying attention, he's just sitting on the floor.  How does that hurt me?!  Believe me this was hard on me at first - everyone else is sitting in their chair - he's on the floor.  Honestly - he paid the best attention if he was lying on his stomach under his chair.  Sounds silly, but I think it helped him feel like he had a space of his own, slightly contained, but he was comfortable.

Last year I had a discussion with a parent about their child and their need to move around.  The child was struggling with the being forced by teachers to sit in their chair a certain way.  So I tried an experiment for awhile with this kid.  I no longer paid attention to how they were in the chair.  I allowed them to be in whatever position they wanted.  (No, I didn't tell the kid, I just didn't "correct" the kid.)  Well, just like the parent suggested, it improved the child's ability to focus.  I told the parent that it worked in my room, but I couldn't make other teachers do it and I couldn't guarantee it would work in other classes.  But for me, I would continue to allow this kid to sit any way they chose.

Kids are as varied as the crayons in a box, yet we as educators try to make them fit a mold.  We tell them that they should be okay with who they are, that it's okay to be different, yet when we teach them, we force them to be the same.  Hmmmm - counter productive I think.

In re-reading this post I see that, as usual, I have meandered around quite a bit.  I've gone from people treating people poorly because they are different or do things differently, to forcing kids to be the same in a classroom setting.  I'm really not ADHD, but you might wonder when you get reading my blogs!  LOL

I guess what I am saying, we need to practice what we preach.  We tell kids that different is not bad, but then we scold them for being different in the classroom.  We tell kids to like themselves for who they are, but then we don't like when another teacher is doing things differently than other people.  We tell kids to be kind to others and treat them the way they would like to be treated, but then talk behind the backs of people.  We are not practicing what we preach.  I think we are ALL guilty of that, none of us can opt out on this one.

You are Different and That is Bad - is that the message we want to be giving?  Shouldn't we instead be celebrating the differences of our students, co-workers and all people around us?  Shouldn't we be learning from those that do take risks and try new things?  Shouldn't we be helping kids to take risks and try new things?  And if a kid should try new things, shouldn't we?

Different is not bad - different is great.

Pushing the Limits

Oh, the woes of being the Superintendent's child.

In our town it is tradition to TP during homecoming week.  Our house was just hit again for the 3rd night.

Still trying to figure out how they come, do it and leave all without us hearing or seeing a thing and we are 20 feet away in the house!

***Funny note, just had to take a 5 minute break typing because I caught a group of 4 kids in my backyard being VERY noisy.  They were "hiding" from the police.  Really, and you think the superintendent's back patio is a good place to hide?!?!  ***

Tonight a friend of Maggie's invited her to go TPing tomorrow during/after the football game.  She texted dad for permission to go.

She did not like the response...NO.

It all comes down to one simple thing - she's the daughter of the Superintendent of the schools.  And unfair as it seems, she is held to a different standard by people in the community.  All it would take is one person deciding to make an example and she would be the perfect scapegoat.  So, rather than take a chance, we tell her no.

"So if I was someone else's kid you would let me go?"

Hilarious - if you were someone else's kid, we wouldn't have a say in it!  Oops - she did NOT want to hear that!

Our kids have grown up being the kids of an administrator and a teacher.  They haven't known any other life.  And honestly, they have handled it quite well.  On rare instances, they question us and tell us how unfair life is that they can't do something.  But they have never yet said they wished dad was not the superintendent or that I was not a teacher.

Why?  Because, in their heart of hearts, they do understand our reasoning, they just don't like it.

Kids really do "get" what adults tell them.  They may not like it, they may not adhere to it, but they get it.  Kids have a better hold on right and wrong than we often give them credit for having.  But they also are kids and make mistakes and push the limits.

Kids, let's face it all of us, like to find the limits ourselves rather than listening to someone tell us what they are.  At school we see it all the time...kids know the expectations, but they want to see just how far they can push it and how much they can do without getting in trouble.  NOT because they are bad, but because it's natural.  Kids want to learn how far the limits really go first hand.

Often times that pushing appears like sneakiness or outright defiance.  Then the adults respond to the sneakiness and defiance.  I am guilty of this just like any other adult in a school.  We don't stop and think before we act, we act impulsively to what we think we saw.  We assume we know what they are doing and why.

We forget what it is like to be a kid and learning where the boundaries are.

I am far from perfect when it comes to this in my classroom.  I can't tell you how many times I have jumped on a behavior during class only to find myself apologizing to that student a minute later.  I make sure that I do apologize because it is important that the students realize that yes, we too make mistakes and it's okay to admit it when you make a mistake.

A good rule of thumb I am working to live by is to count to 10 in my head before reacting to a misbehavior.  I work very hard to think that long before talking about what the consequence will be for the action.  Why?  Because once you say something - as a teacher or a parent - you need to follow through with it or you lose your credibility with them.

I think all teachers have said at some point in their career, "The next person who talks...."  MISTAKE, because someone WILL talk!  And you have to follow through with what you said because if not, they next time they won't believe you.  Most teachers only do that once before they realize not to say that!

As a parent we have all made threats about what we will do if.... and then we don't follow through.  Why?  Because it is a hardship on us and we don't want to have to follow through.  But our kids learn that if we don't follow through and push the limits further.

The last thing I want to do at school is give up my 10 minute break in the mid-morning when the kids have recess.  It's a chance to go to the bathroom, check your mailbox and check your email.  But, the best way I have found to affect the behavior of a student is to tell them that we can "practice" the correct behavior during recess.

However, if you only ever threaten that recess time, kids realize it and know they are safe.  So, no matter how badly I don't want to lose that 10 minutes, I have to give it up periodically to re-teach the expected behavior that the student was having difficulty with during class or in the hallway.

A common saying is "If you Want It...Teach It."  So, that means when a child is having difficulty our job is to re-teach them so they know what it is we expect of them.  Too often we assume that they already know how to "behave" correctly.  The problem is, they don't.  We have to take the time to teach them what we expect.

Maggie and Matthew have had a lifetime of being taught what we expect their behavior to look like.  It's not likely it will ever stop.

It is often hard for our kids to live by and appreciate the expectations we, and the community, have for the children of the Superintendent.  But they are smart kids who truly do "get" it.  And even if they don't always like what these expectations are, they know they are the right things to do.

Kids will always misbehave, they will always break the rules, but when we remember that kids are kids and WILL push the limits, it makes it easier to breathe, count to 10 and think before reacting to their very normal behavior.

As for my own kids, they can push the limits all they want, but some expectations are just not going to go away as badly as they wish they would.  Fortunately, they get it.

Class Color Day

Today was a great day at school.  It was class color day.  For those of you not in a school regularly any more, that means that each grade is assigned a color to wear.

Our school, high school especially, goes all out.  Face paint, head to toe color.  Lots of fun.

Well, our elementary didn't give a color to the staff like the HS did.  In the JH/HS the color for the staff was red.  In the elementary, there was no color for the staff.  So many dressed in the color of whom they teach.

Well, I teach all 8 grade levels in our elementary (PreK - 6).  So what did I do?  Naturally, I wore all 8 colors!

This will NOT surprise those of you who know me even a little.  I am all about the enjoyment of the kids when it comes to these days.  I wear my jammies and slippers on Pajama day.  I do crazy things to my hair for crazy hair day.  So today - I wore a rainbow of colors!

Now, another NOT surprising thing, I made sure it clashed as much as possible, that it looked as crazy and silly as I could.

Unfortunately, I did not get a picture of my "lovely" outfit, but I will attempt to describe it for you.

Right Foot - bright purple sock
Left Foot - neon green sock
Both feet - red/maroon sandals
Bottom half - a red skirt
Top half - a grey t-shirt with a yellow tank over the top and then a blue tank over the top of that.
Hair - pigtails with orange and black hair decorations

So yep, I kind of looked like a clown!

But you should have seen the joy on the faces of the kids.  (and the shock and disbelief on the faces of the staff)  Kids would see me and just giggle.

When asked by kids why I would do such a thing the answer was simple.  I teach all of the kids, how could I possibly pick just ONE color to represent who I am?  And besides, that would be favoring one grade over another and I love every grade I teach.  So the natural decision was that I had to somehow wear all 8 colors and wear them proudly because I am proud to be a part of each of the grades!

Funny enough - the 6th graders thought THEIR color should have had a larger showing since "they" are the best.  ha ha ha.

What possessed me to do such a silly thing?  What was the benefit to me?

Kids seeing that it's okay to dress silly or to stand out in a crowd.  That you don't have to blend in with everyone around you to be okay.  That it is okay to be exactly who you are and what you want to be.

I think the two most fun moments both occurred with 6th grade students.  My 6th graders came to class today and as they entered one boy froze and stared at me with a "what in the world" look on his face.  I said, "I'm taking it you didn't see me in the hall this morning."  He just shook his head.  Made my day - the total shock and then pure joy on his face was what I needed to know that I had made the right decision in my ensemble for the day!

About 45 minutes later I was walking by another 6th grade classroom, they were winding down a work time because it was nearly recess time.  As I walked by a boy raised his head to see who was walking by and did a true double take.  I just about wet my pants laughing at his reaction.  I stopped, walked back and popped into the room to see if he was okay and to explain my clothing choice.  He loved it.

After school I needed to pop over to the HS to talk to another teacher.  The kids there reacted just as wonderfully as the elementary kids.  However, they were also dressed rather clown-like, so I fit right in!  The best look was 3 girls sitting in the hallway near the front office.  They looked at me and looked down, not sure what to say or do.  I looked at them and said, "Don't worry, I'm not losing it, it was color day in the elementary as well and they didn't give the staff a color.  So I wore EVERY color."  They laughed and smiled and said, "Cool."  So even the HS kids got a kick out of my quirkiness.

Taking the safe way, although sometimes is easier, isn't being true to yourself.  My message, through my outfit, to the students today was that it's okay to be who you want to be.  It's okay to be outside of the norm.  Be willing to do what you want or be who you want.  Don't let the reaction of others deter you from enjoying life and having fun.  Be true to yourself and you will truly find happiness.  Don't let the "energy vampires" suck the enjoyment out of you.

I had a great day today, being me!  I hope you also had a fabulous day!

Love Yourself for Who You Are!

Why is it that we tell our children we love them a zillion times a day when they are little, but it gets less and less as they grow up?  Why is it we send messages to our children/students every day that what they are doing isn't good enough?

Today brought this home to me in my brain.  I had a student who was being a real pain in class, not allowing class to continue, being totally disruptive.  I try to not send kids out of my class - it's a reward, they are being disruptive in an effort to get out of doing the work, when you remove them from class, you are rewarding them even further - they are getting what they want.  Today, however, I had just had enough of his disruptions, we couldn't get anything done!  So with about 8 minutes remaining in class I told him to take the office pass and sit by the office.

He then "owed" me time at recess so we could re-learn what it was I expected and to "practice" how that should look in class.

At recess time he came to me, just like he was supposed to.  We sat and talked.  I asked him why he was acting that way today.  His reply, "I don't like music."  I told him that it was fine to not like music, but he really didn't need to disrupt the whole class just because he doesn't like it!  He shrugged.  Then I got serious on him..."Have I ever done anything to you that disrespects you?"  He said, nope.  "Have I done things that tell you that I have confidence in you?"  He shrugs.  "Did I give you a special job last year that NO ONE else got to have?"  Oh yeah, he says.  "Did you like that?"  Yeah.

"Okay, so if I have shown you respect and done that for you, do you realize that I like you?"  He just stared at me.  "Yes, I like you.  Did you know that?"  He shakes his head.  "I want to be a person you can trust, a person who you can talk to, a person you can come to, a person you KNOW likes you and makes you feel good."  He just sad there looking at the floor.  Then I asked the key question.  "Do YOU like yourself?"  His reply was, "I don't know."  and he hung his head.

Wow - he is so good at making people think he is all that, he is above getting in trouble.  Now I am not saying that this is the key to everything and now I have saved him.  LOL - I do not have that power, far from it.  But, for me, knowing that he doesn't even think he likes himself tells me a lot and tells me how I can work on approaching him in the future.

"I told him that was a problem - that he really should like himself or he was telling me I was a poor judge of people since I like him."  He smiled a little.

I have NO CLUE if this will make a difference the next time I have him in class, but I know that from now on I am going to be sure to greet him every day, say something positive to/about him every time I see him.  This kid hears very little positive about himself.  I've decided that I am going to be that positive bug that is in his ear every day.  I don't know if it will help, I don't know if his attitude will change, but it certainly can't hurt, can it?

I have a feeling I will still have bad days with him in class, I am not delusional and think I have solved all the problems.  Ha - if that was all it took, I'd write a book, copyright it and sell millions of copies and retire rich and happy!  LOL

So this happened this morning, then this evening I was messaging a friend and in our discussion was how the best way you can support a person is to let them know that it is okay to love yourself for who you are.  That even if you think it's obvious - you may be the only person telling that person that it is okay to love themselves.

Everyone needs that person in their lives giving them permission to love themselves.  Telling them that they are perfect just the way they are.

How many of us need that reminder every day?  I'm 43 and I need to remember every day that it's okay to love myself, even though I weigh too much, I talk too much, I am too loud most of the time, and I tend to be a know-it-all.  Regardless of those traits - it's okay to love myself.

If at 43 I still need that daily reminder that it's okay to love myself - imagine being an 8, 9, 12, 14 year old child....they desperately need the reminder to love love themselves for who they are.  Every day kids are surrounded by influences that can be horrific on their self-esteem.  For example, today my daughter was dressed in her 1980s outfit - I posted a picture on yesterday's blog.  Kids actually called her a "stripper".  Seriously - she was covered completely.  Some kids would be totally ruined by people saying that to them.  Fortunately, Maggie is a fairly self confident kid.  Yes, it bothered her, she was still mad when I got home at 6:30.  But she didn't let it change her thoughts on her clothes, she still liked what she wore.

But what about that kid who is excited about their outfit and lacks self-confidence?  That kid would be totally wrecked by those kinds of statements.

As I am facing the potential for weight-loss surgery, I sometimes wonder if I am sending the wrong message to my kids.  Am I telling them that I shouldn't love me for who I am?  I am trying to radically change myself.  Am I telling them that you need a certain body to be happy?  I hope not.  I am making it clear to them that I am pursuing this because I want to be healthy, I want to by physically active and with the weight I am now, I cannot do that.  I am telling them that being this over weight is not healthy for my heart, my joints, and all sorts of other body things.  That when they have kids, I want to be able to play and run with them, not sit and look at them.

So I hope that even though I am trying to radically change something about myself, I am still sending the message to my kids that I am not doing this so I can feel good ABOUT myself, I am doing this so I can be a healthier person.

It has taken me MANY years to love myself for who I am, and I honestly think that because I truly do love myself for who I am, I am finally able to face the idea of changing that part of me and going forward in this endeavor.  If I didn't love myself, I wouldn't care about being healthy and being here for the future.

What can we do to help our kids/students/friends love themselves for who they are?  Can we be that voice that tells them regularly that they are wonderful just the way they are, flaws and all?  Can we be that positive voice that accepts them just as they are, even if we don't agree with everything they say or do?  Can we be there for them, support them, not tell them they need to suck it up?  One of the most devastating things for me in my life was being told repeatedly that I was over reacting, I was being paranoid.  I needed to be told it was okay to have the feeling I was having, that I didn't deserve to be treated that way.  Yes, I needed to get a thicker skin, but when you are going through that, that is NOT what you need to hear.  You need to be supported, loved for exactly who you are.

Can you be that person for the people in your life?  Can you make sure that they know that YOU love them for exactly who they are an that it is okay for them to love themselves for exactly who they are?

I know that after my encounter with a student today and my later conversation with an old HS friend, I am going to work my tail off to be that person.  I am going to work to be that voice that says, "I love you for who you are.  It is okay for you to love yourself for exactly who you are."

Feeling Old

I am 43, going on 44, years old.  But I am really feeling old right now.

When I was a kid, "oldies" music was 1950s music.  I mean seriously - that was OLD music.  And now the music I listened to, and can still sing all the words to, is considered "oldies".

Now how is that fair - I'm only 25 in my heart.

But when I think about it, we considered 50s music as oldies.  I mean come on - my parents danced to it when they were teenagers, that makes it old.

Oops - there is the critical mistake...when they were teenagers = oldies.  Well, by that standard, then 80s music = oldies!  Yikes.

It is homecoming week in Wapello.  To go along with that we have "dress up" days.  Today in both buildings was Cowboy/Camo day.  Lots of hats, boots and invisible people.  (Camo = invisible/hidden)

Tomorrow the elementary school has Pajama day.  Nice.  I've already picked out my favorite pair of pjs and slippers to wear to school.  HOpefully I will stay awake.

At the Jr/Sr High, tomorrow is Costume/Halloween/Superhero day.  This weekend Maggie insisted that we go shopping for items she needed to make her ensembles complete for several of the days.  She said that for Tuesday she was going to wear the same thing as she planned to wear for Halloween.  What does she pick...to look like a 1980s person.  OMG - so we are shopping in a store for items that are like what I wore as a teenager.  I sat in the store holding my head over and over again...she wants to buy a COSTUME to look like a 1980s person.  Seriously - what I and others used to wear is a COSTUME?!?!

I am not saying that I EVER wore a cute little mini skirt like that.  I also never wore the madonna lace gloves - but she is.  But the tank with the off the shoulder shirt - check.  The tennie bopper shoes - check.  The plastic bangles - check.  The knit leg warmers - check.

Tomorrow we will complete the ensemble with a side ponytail and some delightful pink and purple eye shadow done WAY too much as well as the bright stripes of blush!

So I guess life is coming full circle for me.  I would wear a 1950s costume as a kid never realizing that honestly, my parents and others dressed that way.  And now, my daughter is dressing the way we dressed when I was a teenager.  Scary, scary stuff.

Tomorrow Matthew and I will comfortably go to school in our jammies and Maggie will go dressed like a hottie from the 1980s.  I cannot WAIT for Maggie's daughter (30 years from now) to dress "like they did way back in 2012"!!  I look forward to that day and Maggie's dismay that her daughter is calling her clothes from 2012 a costume!  Paybacks will be fabulous!  Love you, Maggie!

The Little Things in Life

A former elementary student of mine (she's all grown up with kids of her own now) posted the following status on her facebook page today.

Walking into Target last night, Wyatt standing in front of the doors ,"Open, please." They open and as we walk in Wyatt, "Thank You." And he did the same thing for the next ones too!! All I could do was smile :) I hope today you all can take the time to be grateful for the simple, little things in life!!

What a great message and this is from a 3 year old.  No one ever told him that you don't have to be polite to a door.  For him, it is just natural to be polite and to say please and thank you.  Now there is some good parenting.  I assure you, his parents did tell him to be sure to ask doors to open for him and to thank them when they do.  But his parents have taught him to be polite and to say please and thank you.  HE decided to carry that forward to the doors all by himself.  He wanted the door to open, so naturally you ask nicely.  The doors opened for him, so naturally you say thank you.

His mom followed the story by saying she hoped that today we can all take the time to be grateful for the simple, little things in life.

We take so much for granted in our lives.  When someone does something that we perceive to be their "job", we don't feel we need to thank them.  Why is that?

Everyday I watch kids go through the lunch line at school.  They are getting their tray, being allowed to choose the fruits and veggies they want, they choose chocolate or white milk.  In all at least 4 people assist them getting their lunch.  Then when they are done they take their tray to the window where the dishwasher is.  So they must interact with at least 5 people during the course of lunch.  These 5 people are responsible for providing these kids with their lunch for the day.  VERY few of the students, or adults for that matter, make sure to thank these people for serving them their lunch, taking their lunch ticket or cleaning their dishes.  Yes, it is their job to provide us our meals, but don't they deserve our gratitude?  

I have witnessed what happens when students or adults DO take the 2 seconds it takes and say thank you.  It makes those people stand or sit a little taller, it makes them feel good about what they are doing.  And how about when you bring your dirty dishes in, saying thank you, that tasted really good.  It takes SO little time and it can mean so much to the people you say it to.

Does that mean that we as teachers or parents should teach our children what to say and who, specifically, to say it to.  No, that would be incredibly difficult.  You can't anticipate every situation.  You certainly can't anticipate talking to a door!  :-)

But we have a responsibility to teach our students/children manners, politeness, gratitude for what we have.  When we take things for granted our students and children see this and it passes on to them that this is just something that should happen and there is no need to say thanks or please.

Manners, politeness, gratitude - these are hard things to teach.  I think the biggest way we can teach that is to model it.  If our students or children see us modeling manners, modeling being grateful for things and saying thank you, modeling holding the door or helping others when not even asked, they will learn that it is the appropriate thing to do and they will start doing it.

I had a student do something out of the blue today.  This child is not necessarily known for his manners, his politeness or even for following the rules.  He had done something to get in trouble and was sitting near the office.  I was walking in the hall and out of the blue he says, "I like your shirt."  Honestly, I had to ask him to repeat himself because I could not believe what I had heard from him.  This is NOT his typical behavior.  He didn't want to repeat himself, he thought he was in trouble.  I said, "I simply didn't hear what you said, can you say it again please."  He did and I thanked him.

Later when I had time, I found him and gave him a "good ticket".  He looked at me (he doesn't get a lot of good tickets) with confusion.  I told him that giving a person a compliment out of the blue was a very kind thing to do and deserved to be acknowledged with a good ticket.  He just looked at me in amazement and I repeated "thank you, it meant a lot."

It's the little things that we notice and acknowledge that matter.  Do I think that because I acknowledged this one small act that this child will change?  No, at least not instantly.  But what about noticing the little things, giving accolades to the little things...they add up and make an impression on a person.  This student will NEVER admit it made him feel good, but I could tell it did and I will be grateful for that little impact on him I could have.

Wyatt is a 3 year old, he is just naturally appreciating things.  It makes him happy.  Have you ever noticed that when you appreciate the little things you see, it makes you feel better.  When you can say "good job" to someone and you get to see them feel good about themselves...that makes me feel good.  Not good about myself but good that I have made someone else feel good.

Remember that little girl who I talked about yesterday?  The one who came into school missing her mom and crying.  Today she came in with a smile on her face.  I said, "Looks like you are having a better morning."  She smiled and gave me a hug and I wished her well and sent her on her way.  She remembers the minute I took yesterday to console her, it meant a lot to her.  

My thinking tonight, as I go into the weekend.  How can I be more like Wyatt in my private life and my life at school?  How can I do more to be grateful for the simple, little things in life?  I know that I intend to be more alert about saying thank you to people who do things that affect me positively, no matter how little those things seem.  Because if it was a positive for me, why not let them know I am grateful?  Why not thank them?

So remember the message of Wyatt and be grateful for those little things in your life, watch the change it makes in you and those around you.

My Happy Place or Choose to Be Positive

Everyone needs a happy place, a place where they feel happy, comfortable, confident, needed.

I love being with my family, hanging out with my kids, going on a date with my husband, doing family game night.  But that is not my happy place.

Okay, don't get mad at me for saying my family, my home is not my happy place.  Yes, it is an extremely happy place for me, but there is a place I feel even more needed than at home.  I know my kids and my husband need me.  I know that I am a positive influence in their lives.  I know that what I say and do matter to my family.  But I also know that my children and my husband get that positive influence every single day from me.  I know that my having a bad day will not mean they don't love me.  I know that there will be other positive things in their life that day even if I lose my temper or get angry with them.

The thing that makes me sad is all of the children who don't have that positive influence in their lives every day.  The children who hear negative at home all the time, who start their day with yelling, not love.  The children who are teased by classmates and feel they have no where to turn.  My heart breaks be the knowledge that their are children who go home each day and may not get a hug and a kiss from a parent or hear the words, "I love you."

Every single child deserves to know they are loved, that they matter.  They deserve to get a hug if they need it.

My happy place is the entryway to our school in the morning before school starts.  I go to school every morning and I sit in the chairs in the entryway and I greet the students as they come into the building for school.

I great each child by name and say, "Good morning."  I comment on the clothes they are wearing, the bags they are carrying and their hair styles.  I ask how their game went last night or if they are excited for their game tonight.  I tell them I am sorry if  I know of something sad that has happened.  Basically I am just there to be a greeter and a friendly face for them each day.

The students have started to realize that I am there every day and are now watching for me as they enter.  There is one group of 4 students who come in and they laugh at me trying to say their names quickly as they rush on by.

Some of the kids ask me, "Is this your job?"  I explain to them that no, no one asked me to be there, it is where I want to be to welcome them to school each day.  I tell them that I like being there and seeing them every morning, that seeing them makes me happy and starts my day off on a great foot.

So today, I was sitting in my normal spot giving my morning greetings to the kids.  Toward the end of the morning a young girl came in and looked rather sad.  I said good morning to her, I told her to have a good day.  She lingered and looked at me.  I asked her what was wrong, that she looked like something was bugging her.  She started crying, telling me that she missed her mommy.  Inside I had to smile, it's so nice to know that kids love their parents so much!  Outside I told her that I missed my mommy too some days, but we still have to do our jobs and know that our mommy loves us and we'll see them soon.

She just cried and cried.  I opened my arms and she threw herself into them and hugged me and cried.  She desperately needed someone to hold her and tell her she would be okay.  It took all of about 30 seconds before she was put back together enough to head down the hall to her 2nd grade classroom.  She needed someone to reassure her that it was okay to be sad, but she would be okay.  I saw her later that morning and she was all smiles and having a great day.

Why is this my happy place?  Because I love to be there for people.  I love to know that I am helping to make the day better for some people.  I know that not every child cares that I am there, but I know that there are some children who do care that I am there and who are now looking for me in the morning and  looking for that greeting from me to start their day.  It is my hope that by doing this I can help make school a happy place for the students.

Children spend more of their waking hours with us in school than at home.  We are a huge influence on these children.  How we act, how we react can severely affect our students.  We cannot allow our moods to adversely affect our students.

We have a responsibility to our students to always be our best for them.  They can frustrate the heck out of us, the can make us angry, but we have to be the "bigger person" and turn the other cheek.  We need to realize that they are children and we cannot expect them to act like adults.  It is our job to teach them and help them grow into responsible adults.  If the students see us being rude to each other, not being friendly to students, yelling at students...they see that as acceptable behavior.  They copy what they see modeled for them.

Are we modeling what we want to see from them?  Or are we taking more of a "do as I say not as I do" attitude?  School should be a happy place for all of us...students and staff alike.  Everyone of us should enjoy our time there.  We adults have chosen to be there...we should enjoy the job we have chosen.  STudents do NOT get to choose to be there, the law says they have to go to school (public, private or home).  Shouldn't they enjoy the time they have to be there?  Shouldn't they enjoy the people they are around?

If you are someplace where you don't feel happy, you don't enjoy...do you learn well?  If you are with someone who is negative and crabby, do you listen well to them?  I know I don't.  When I have taken classes from instructors who viewed their job as tedious, I know that I did not get as much from that class I could have.  That is for 2 reasons - I don't want to be around that person for very long and that person isn't putting all of their energy into making sure I get the best education.

My job is teaching children.  My job is to make sure that what I teach them is absorbed and learned.  When you are having fun while you learn, you learn more.  You internalize the material and you just know it.  I can't do my job to the best of my ability if I am not happy.  When you are unhappy your mind is on other things not necessarily where it needs to be in order to be the best teacher you can be.

School is my happy place because I know that I make a difference in the lives of the students.  I know that my happiness affects my teaching.  I choose to be positive and help the students be positive.  I choose to say corrective instructions to students in a positive way rather than negative.  It doesn't take longer, it doesn't hurt me and it certainly has a better effect on the student than yelling at them.

I know that some students have a harder time following the expectations that we have for them.  I know that I will need to remind those students of those expectations multiple time a day.  Yes, this is frustrating because it seems so obvious to me.  But I am an adult, it should be obvious to me.  When I am telling the student the same thing for the 8th time, 10th time, 15th time...if I allow myself to get angry and yell or "chew them out" I basically have just undone any good I may have done by being positive the first time.

There are some kids we are simply going to have to "remind" 20 times a day.  We know that going into it.  We know from experience that yelling at kids who you have to remind 20 times daily, does no good.  It certainly doesn't help them remember it better.  Telling them louder doesn't make it sink in!  :-)

So if we know that we are going to say it over and over and over, why not choose to say it in a positive way?  Why not lower your stress level and choose to be positive?!

Kids need reminders, they are kids.  Some come from a home life where all they hear is yelling and negative comments.  If we, as educators, add to that at school by yelling and being negative - these children will not view school as a happy place.  We want kids to feel like school is a place they can be happy.  We have the power to make it that way for them.  We have the power.

My happy place is the school and the entry way before school each day when our students come in full of energy and excitement.  I choose to use my energy to grab that excitement and carry it forward through the whole school day.  I choose to tell that student POSITIVELY 20 times that they need to keep all 4 legs of their chair on the floor because I don't want them to hurt themselves.  I choose to take a moment longer to say WHY we expect that instead of just telling them to do it.  Kids have a much easier time following our expectations when they know WHY we have that expectation.

I choose to be a positive person and make a positive difference in the lives of my students.  I choose to have school be my happy place.

Give them the power

What is your favorite part of school?  That question is asked of students all the time.  In fact, it was asked at church on Sunday when they were blessing the backpacks.  What do kids answer 95% of the time....Recess or PE.  Sometimes lunch!

Why do kids hone in on PE and Recess?  Why is that the best part of their day?

The quick, immediate answer people give is because they like free time and not having to work.

I disagree, I think because it allows them to be active and it allows them to interact with other students. If you ever watch kids when they are left to their own devices, they are really rather creative.  They use a lot of imagination and come up with a lot of things that they wouldn't if they were being given directions and being told what to do.

Some will argue that kids just like to play games.  Yes, kids do like to play games, kids like to be active.  As a teacher said to me just today, kids these days are connected are "on" 24/7.  When we ask students to simply sit still and listen - we are asking them stop being themselves, to stop doing what is natural.

When I think about this topic, I think about myself and how I learn best.  Do I learn best by sitting quietly and listening?  Nope.  I learn best by being able to hash it out and discuss it with others.  I like to throw around ideas, discuss aspects, see if I can come up with other things.

Now people who know me well know that I do not like group projects.  So my last paragraph may seem weird.  When it comes to doing a project, I find it easier to do it myself.  I tend to be a control freak in that way - I want to know what all aspects of the project will look like and sound like.

But when learning things, I really like to be in a group and have the chance to kick it around and really think about it in depth.  I like bouncing ideas, talking different angles, debating issues, really thinking things through and hearing all sides.

So why do we think that kids learn best by sitting in a chair listening to us go on and on.   I realized in 8th grade, studying with a friend of a test for geography, that when you are teaching someone else you learn it better yourself.

The other day I was watching 2 flute students working together at their band lesson.  One student had already had about 6 lessons and the other was on her first lesson.  The band director was working with a 3rd student at the time and I watched the more experienced student helping the new player.  She was showing her where her fingers should go, how to hold the horn, and which fingers pushed which keys.  She was patient, she used terms and language that the student used so it was very effective.

What impressed me the most was that NO ONE asked them to work together.  Their director hadn't said, "help her figure this out" while he was occupied elsewhere.  They took it upon themselves to do this.  They wanted to learn, they wanted to help each other succeed.

In my room I use what I call rhythm partners.  I tell the students that each day they have a rhythm to figure out but they don't have to do it alone, they can get help from anyone else in the room (except me).  If their partner doesn't know the answer, then feel free to ask another student.  I watch them work together, teach each other how to count the rhythm.  They say things in the words their friends understand.  And funny enough, I could use those exact same words and they would not learn it as well.

Quite the phenomenon, same words, same ideas but when it comes from a peer, they are able to learn it better than if it comes from me.  I've taught kindergarten for several years and I always teach the same notes and rhythms.  This year I embraced a new technique, I am using puppets to talk to the kids about the notes.  SAME thing I would say (am saying since it's my voice) but they are grabbing on to it completely and learning it tons better.  What?  They'd rather listen to a silly puppet than me?  Yep, I guess so.  They'll come in the next day and say, "Do we get to see the puppets again?"  Seriously, you would think they would get sick of the silly little puppets I made.  Nope - they love it and learn it.

So how do we get kids to say their favorite part of the day was math or social studies or science?  (Or...  :-)  Music?!)  We need to learn from what they do in PE and Recess.  They interact, they are active, they are involved.

A friend told me about the way she is teaching the parts and jobs of a plant.  Rather than simply drawing it or showing them or talking about it - each student has a paper flower of their own.  The roots open up and inside it says the job of the root.  They lift the flap and write in there what the part of the flower does.  So they are hands on, involved.  And putting the answer where it happens helps them relate the process to the location.  They read it, they write it, they touch it...and they are having fun doing it.  This helps them learn.

In one of my previous schools they used what is called CGI Math.  (Cognitive Guided INstruction)  It was a hands on approach to teaching math.  They didn't give the kids the way to solve the problems.  They gave them the problems, gave them a "tool box" of manipulatives and asked the children to come up with 3 different ways to find the answer.  Yes, 3 different ways!!  Then, they would get together in a group and the kids would get to share the ways they came up with to solve the problem.  Kids would share their ways and have to explain to the other students why they did it that way and how they came up with the idea.  I watched this process on several occasions and it was awesome.  When a kid had the wrong answer - they usually figured that out when they were explaining their process.  It allowed them to try and fail and learn from that and then come up with a way that did work.

It was amazing to watch kids grasp concepts way above the expected concepts for their age.  There were kindergarten students doing multiplication and division problems and not realizing it.  Those words and terms weren't used, but the concept was there and the kids were getting it!

What if we did more of collaborative work?  What if we allowed more exploratory learning by the kids?  Yes, guided and structured exploration.  The more ownership one has in their learning the more they learn.  If kids feel like they are controlling things, they are coming up with the answers, they will learn it much better than if they are simply told the answers.

Recently, my son has started going to the library with a friend after school to do homework.  I questioned at first if they were just messing around, but they go into the study room and work on their work or study.  Yesterday they went and re-read parts of their social studies chapter to study for their test.  They asked each other questions.  Granted, they would have done better if they had used the study guide provided to them by their teacher, but they were using the text and reviewing things that way.  They came up with a plan and they put it into action.  They decided to study, no one told them they had to, no one suggested doing it together or going to the library.  They came up with that all on their own.

Wouldn't it be awesome if kids told others that the best part of their day was Social Studies?!  Wouldn't it be great if kids wanted to learn and wanted to share their learning with others?

We have the power to do that for them... give them the power.  Don't hold the power over them, don't threaten them with power - grant them the power to learn.  Grant them to power to discover how great it is to learn and delve deeper.  Grant them ownership in their education by allowing them to teach each other.  Give them responsibility, hold them accountable and allow them to teach each other.  Imagine the power they would feel, how great they would feel about themselves.

Scary for a teacher to give up that control, but in honesty, the teachers who do this have much greater satisfaction in their teaching because they are helping guide the students to finding the answers.  They are guiding the students to help each other.  You give the students the tools they will use for the rest of their lives.  By teaching them to search, hunt, find the answers you are giving them tools they will use forever.

Can you give up that control and turn the learning over to the students?  Can you be the one who takes the risk, goes into scary territory and teaches kids what it really means to teach?  Teach them to teach and you give them the world.

Feeling Safe

I am SO PROUD of my hometown and my home church.

I grew up in a town of around 4,000 people in central Minnesota.  I attended the First Congregational United Church of Christ.  When I was confirmed I think there were 5 of us and that was a large class.  It seems like in my home town the majority of people were Catholic or Lutheran.

I grew up in a church that was always very accepting.  I grew up knowing that God loved us all, no matter what.  That was taught to me at church and even more so at home by my parents.

I just read on facebook tonight that my home church is have the first ever Rainbow Youth Gathering next weekend and will have this youth gathering one Sunday a month.

What is a Rainbow Youth Gathering you may ask?  It is a Safe Place for High School Youth in the LBGTQ community to hang out.

What makes me even more excited and proud, this group is being spearheaded by students who want to be a support for EVERYONE in school with them.  They are inviting youth from the nearby communities as well.

I'm excited to know that the adults in the church are being super supportive as well.  They see a need, they see a way to serve and they are grasping it and running with it.

  That is the logo for The Welcoming Project.  Thus why my home church is calling it the Rainbow Youth Gathering.

And I especially like the words... ALL are welcome!



A very important part of  the LBGTQ community are the Allies.  An Ally is an individual who is supportive of the LBGTQ community.  These people in my home church are taking on the role of Ally and I applaud them.

Growing up and high school is one of the hardest things we go through in life.  Kids ridicule and belittle anyone they can, just to point out they are different.  We are all so insecure at that age, if we can point out a difference in someone else, maybe they won't make fun of us?!

I was talking with some people last week about how awful the high school years can be.  And we were laughing because you always hear about people saying they would love to relive those years.  The other adults and I agreed - they were some of the worst years, who would truly want to relive those years where people made fun of others simply for breathing.

I became a teacher for two reasons - one, because I love teaching and music and what teaching music to students can give them for the rest of their lives.  Second because there were some teachers in high school who made me feel okay for who I was, who I am, just the way I am.  Those teachers helped me survive high school and ultimately helped me see that teaching is what I wanted to do.

I've probably said this before, but something I often say is that if I can help ONE person through the hell we call high school, I will feel like I have accomplished something.  I have been fortunate to have students come back and tell me later in life that I was their safe person, I was someone who they knew was there for them and would listen.

Sometimes I think my job is more being a safe adult for kids than teaching curriculum.  Yes, what I teach is important and I do make sure that I teach what I need to teach and cover my curriculum.  But it's the out of class relationships with students that provide them that safe place that feeling of acceptance.  I spend almost every morning and every afternoon in the entryway of the school greeting the students as the enter and leave for the day.  I want to be that smile that every student should have to start their day.  I want to be that smile that every student should remember when they leave school.  I want my students to know that they truly matter to me and I care about what happens to them.

My home church is giving students in the LGBTQ community that safe place, a place where they can feel accepted, where they can feel like they matter.  EVERYONE deserves to feel like they matter.  EVERYONE deserves to be accepted for who they are.  NO ONE should be told that they are not okay for who they are, for who God made them.

Are you a safe person for children who feel different in some way?  Some students feel different because they wear glasses, or they are super skinny, or they are heavy, or they don't have a lot of money, or they don't live with 2 parents, or..., or..., the list goes on and on and on.  EVERY child needs a safe place a safe person.  Every child needs to feel accepted for who they are and like who they are is important and it is okay to be different.  We are ALL different, really, if you think about it.  No two of us are the same, we are all people but that's where it ends.  After that, we are all different, we are all unique.

All of our children want to be accepted for who they are for their uniqueness.  It is our job to make them feel safe, to feel loved JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.  Bless you First Congregational UCC church in Wadena for being that safe place.

Give yourself Permission

Change...utter that word and you strike fear into the hearts of the people hearing it.

We like the familiar, we like what we know.  Being asked to change means unfamiliar, the unknown.

Think about our students.  When they go from elementary school to junior high there can be a lot of fear and trepidation.  All of a sudden they are in a new building and surrounded by the unknown.  We have lockers now, with built in locks...ahhhh, I can't open my locker.

Fortunately, most junior highs or middle schools have some type of an orientation for the students, giving them the opportunity to walk around the building and find their classrooms, meet the teachers who are new to them and practice (often repeatedly) opening and closing their locker.

Practice, practice, practice helps make change more manageable.  Why?  The more you practice, the more familiar it becomes and the more natural it feels.

Our family has had a lot of opportunity to change.  Mike's career has given us the opportunity to change our lives on 3 different occasions.  The first change was when he first became a Principal.  The kids were little so for them, the change was fairly easy, in fact unnoticeable for the most part.   For me, that was the biggest change.  I went from being a working mom to a stay-at-home mom.  I was fortunate that we were still in Minnesota when this first change happened.  Minnesota has ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) so I had the chance to get together with other moms and their children twice a week. The ECFE was one of the biggest helpers for me, it helped me transition from working to staying at home by giving me people to talk to and with and discuss parenting issues.  It gave me a social group.

Our next change was again, fairly easy for the kids as they were 5 and 2.  This one was difficult for me in a different way.  I was used to being a stay-at-home mom (to a point), but now my baby girl was going to school and I had only a 2 year old at home and no ECFE as Iowa does not have that program.  I floundered, I was very lonely.  I love my kids, I love being with them, but I needed adult interactions!  Mike and his staff saw a LOT of Matthew and me for lunch.  We were often there for lunch in the teacher's lounge, where Matthew tended to be the lunch time entertainment!

In both of these moves, however difficult they were for me at the beginning, I adjusted and adapted by practice.  Okay, so you really aren't practicing, you are submerged in it in the case of moving.  You have no choice but to adapt and survive.  The longer we were there, the more of a chance I gave my new situation, the easier it became.

Matthew's biggest change was when he was 3 and I went from being a stay-at-home mom to being a working mom again.  He started daycare.  Yes, he had been in daycare before, but not in his memory, he had been an infant then.  To him, his mommy was leaving him.  I remember those first days, dropping him off, him clinging to me screaming and the daycare provider having to peel him off of me.  I did the "right" thing and told him I loved him and smiled and told him to have a great day and that I would see him after school.  I didn't dawdle and hang around and try to calm him, that would only make the difficulty of change greater.  I didn't let him see how upset it made me, that would only add to his angst.  But I cried every day on the way to work.

Sometimes change is gradual, but sometimes it is quick.  Sometimes the best way to deal with change is  to just do it, kind of like ripping off the band-aid quickly.  The more you prolong the pain, the worse it is.  Just get it over with and do it quickly, the pain ends sooner.

I tend to be the do it quickly type of person when it comes to change.  Change is inevitable in life.  Why make it harder, why cause yourself more agony living in the past when the future is coming or is here.

An example, when we moved most recently, 15 months ago, the kids kept wanting to go back to our old town and visit friends.  They struggled saying good bye to the friends they had made for the 6 years we lived there.  Leaving was a HUGE and scary change for them.  But our new home was over 5 hours away, so there was no option of going back for visits.  The change was quick and complete.  Quite honestly, it was the easiest way for the kids.  They had to submerge themselves into their new surroundings, they had no choice.  Maggie found the Cross Country team and a church youth group right away.  Matthew found neighborhood kids and the swimming pool.  Both kids very quickly adapted and changed and enjoyed themselves.

About 6 weeks after we moved, we went back to our old town for a birthday celebration for a friend of mine.  The kids got to stay with and see old friends.  Do you know what they talked about?  Their new friends.  However, leaving again and going home was hard...it was like they scratched off the scab and opened the wound.  Had we left it alone and not revisited the past, their wound would have kept healing rather than being re-opened.

I know change is hard, I know it is hard to give up old ways, old practices, the way it has always been done.  No one has ever said change is easy.  Every move we have made has led to new jobs for Mike and me.  In each of our new jobs there has been change.  For him, it has been a new role in the school, so in some ways easier to change be because you weren't in that position before so it's not changing how you have always done it, it's finding out what you are supposed to be doing!  For me it's been the same role in different places.  You learn quickly that although you are teaching the exact same subject, you have to change how you do it based on what the former education of those students has been.  You have to look at the surroundings, the environment of the students and adapt your ways to best fit them.

As teachers we are facing changes all the time.  The latest is the Common Core - it tells us what children must know or be able to do at the end of each grade.  It does NOT tell us how we have to get there, but it tells us where we must end up.  This is hard for people when they are used to everyone in the grade doing things the same way at the same time.

I had a teacher in High School who used the overhead projector for his lectures.  He had the kind of projector that had a roll of the transparencies.  yes, like a roll of paper, only this was a transparency of his notes for lecture.  He had all the rolls in his closet in the classroom, numbered.  Every year he would take out #1 to start, then go to #2, etc.

So on the plus side - it was consistent.  You knew that every child going through those classes would come out learning/hearing the exact same material.  It was thorough.  My having planned this all out, he was very thorough, we got a lot of information.

But now that I am a teacher, what about those "teachable moments?"  When something is asked or said and as a teacher you really should grab onto that and take your lesson that way?  If you have every word, every test, every plan written and don't vary from the path, you miss what could get the attention of students in a way you had never imagined.  Often you can steer those moments into a way that even greater benefits what you were trying to teach!

A co-worker of mine was telling me the other day how his dad never uses the same lesson plans two classes in a row because every class is different and their learning is different.  Infact, he goes as far as to write different tests each class because how they covered it or what exactly they covered, may change.  Now THAT is what I call great teaching.  The willingness and ability to change and adapt as the kids need it.

As teachers we are teaching kids, not a subject.  We need to keep in mind that every year the kids we are teaching change and so should the way we teach to them.  What works for one doesn't work for another.  My daughter had a fabulous 1st grade teacher who embraced this philosophy to it's core.  He truly believed that every child deserved to be taken as far as THEY were able to go.  That meant that he basically had different plans for each of his students.  Each student may be in a different place or at a different level, but he worked with them to make sure they each obtained THEIR best.  That looked different for each child.  You might wonder if all he ever did was work.  Nope, it's more of a philosophy change than anything.  It's a way of looking at the delivery, the way you approach your teaching.  He was ready to adapt to what his students needed.

What does that look like in practice now for us with the Common Core and all of our new expectations?  It means that no two classrooms look the same.  It means that each teacher is teaching to the kids they have, not the class they had when they wrote the lesson plans.  It means that we have to dump some activities, plans that we have done for years (and possibly really enjoyed) because they have nothing to do with the Common Core.  It means embracing technology in a way we can't even yet imagine.  It means being willing and open to change our ways.

Kids, they will change easily.  They adapt much better than adults do, they are constantly being asked/told by adults what to do, so the idea of change doesn't scare them.  For example, give them a brand new smart phone and no directions...they will have it working and doing tons of things much more quickly than an adult with an instruction book.  Kids are willing to try and fail.

I think that is the key to change...the ability to give yourself permission to fail.  We stick with what we know and what we've always done because we know it and it is safe.  Trying something new takes us out of our comfort zone, it scares us and makes us vulnerable.  Kids are willing to try, to mess around with new technology and figure it out as they go.

As adults we need to follow their example.  Schools around the country are moving away from text books, they are outdated and "so last year."  They are moving to digital texts or information.  There is no pressure to "get to the end of the book" like there was in the past.  Now the pressure is to teach all the aspects of the Core.  That means doing things in different orders than we have in the past, looking at what we are doing and seeing how it fits in or if it doesn't fit in, being willing to say, "Okay, it served it's purpose in the past.  I liked it, the kids liked it, but I need to find new things that will serve our new purpose and be just as rewarding."

Change, although intimidating, doesn't have to be so scary.  Allow yourself to be human, allow yourself to make mistakes and even fail.  We learn from those errors, we learn from trying new things and seeing how they work.  Allow for the fact that what works for some will not work for all.  Your colleague may be teaching the exact same course, but they approach it in a totally different way...that is perfectly okay.  Just like we don't all learn in the same way, we don't all teach in the same way, and that is okay!

Allow yourself the freedom to change, give yourself permission to try new things and experiment.  The first expectation I have in my classroom is "Always Try."  I explain to the kids that some things may seem wacky and weird, but you may learn something about yourself along the way that you didn't know before.  You might find out you can do something that you thought you could not do.

Give yourself permission to try, to think outside of the box, to make mistakes, to fail, to succeed, to learn a new way, to learn many new things, to approach things from a different perspective.

Give yourself permission to change and be okay with it.

Power of Positivity

You catch more flies with honey.  A saying most people have heard.

In a school everyday there are behavior problems.  The continual question or dilemma is how do we take care of those issues and not spend all of our time and energy doing so.  How do we not positively reinforce the negative behaviors?

Kill 'em with kindness.  In other words, focus on the positive, not the negative.

Today I saw how powerful this can really be.  Students were coming in from recess and were being loud and not staying in line.  Way too often the response to this is "Shhhhh."  or "Quiet" or "Get in Line"
I happened to be right there and in class earlier that day with them I had talked about how the same expectations of walking in the hall held for in class with a few tweaks.  Our school is working on having a Positive based behavior program.  I had discussed "Body Basics" with them just that morning.  Your eyes are forward, your hands are to yourself, your mouth is closed and you are using your walking feet, not running, skipping, etc.

So as the kids are coming in and the line was disintegrating and the noise was gearing up, I simply said, "Hey guys, I really like how you are using your Body Basics, thank you."  It was awesome to watch.  Kids who were out of line slipped back into line.  People who were bouncing or trotting, slowed back to walking feet.  Kids who were hanging on others or running their hands on the wall brought their hands back to themselves.  It was awesome.  No one felt like they were in trouble, no one felt like they were being singled out when others were showing the same negative behaviors.  In fact, another adult noticed that the students all started walking a bit taller and prouder.  They LIKED being noticed for doing something well.

I continued to say thank you to the students as the 3 classes filed passed me and I watched this same process occur several times.  Yet instead of feeling stressed about having to get after kids for not following the rules or having to remind kids of the expectations, I felt joy in watching the kids feel good about themselves.  NO, not every child was following the Body Basics, not every child deserved to be praised.  But when I said they were doing a great job and thanked them, those kids didn't feel like they were being singled out for not following the expectations.  They were given a chance to change their behavior and be part of the praise.  They were given the chance to feel good about what they were doing.

I am employed part time and don't have to be at school until 8:30, which is 10 minutes after the school day starts.  I also get to leave at 2:20, 50 minutes before the school day ends.  Because I am who I am, I tend to be there before 8:00 and stay until 3:30 or 4:00.  But I have started a new thing this year.  In the morning as the kids are arriving, I station myself in the entryway and greet the kids as they come in.  I welcome them to school and comment on clothes, shoes, bags, hair, lots of things.  I have had some kids ask me why I am there every morning.  I said it was because I like to see them all coming to school and say hi.  While this is true, the bigger reason is I like to make sure kids are starting their day on a positive note.  We can't control what happened before they came to school.  They may have had a fight with a sibling, they may have had a fight with their parent.  They could be entering the school already feeling badly about the day, my hope is that whatever they are feeling when they walk in, hopefully I can help make their day positive by telling them I am glad to see them.

At the end of the day, I tend to be in the same area again.  I sit in the entry way and say goodbye and tell them to have a good night.  Again I comment on clothes, hair, bags, whatever strikes my fancy at the moment.  If I know a student has a game or something special I try to remember to wish them luck.  If it is their birthday I try to remember to wish them a happy birthday again.

It's gotten so kids are beginning to expect me there and some are coming to share something that happened during the day.  That is a great feeling - to know that they want to share it with me.

Being positive, even to your toughest kids, can be very very rewarding.  It can make a difference like you would not believe.

Sadly enough, it's harder to do with your own children at home all of the time.  If one of your children is misbehaving and the other one is gone, you can't exactly make a sweeping statement like, "I like how you are..." when it just plain would sound stupid!  But, can you surround your criticisms with positive things as well?  In a class I was in the other day we were told that for every 1 negative you need to say 5 positives.  That can be extremely difficult, especially at home when you are one-on-one and your child just did something extremely naughty.

But if just telling students you like how they are walking in a line can make a huge difference, imagine what being positive with your children at home.

I have decided that I now have a Super Power - the Power of Positivity.  But as Spiderman says, "With great power comes great responsibility."  So use your new Power of Positivity for good, not evil.  Change the world with your Positive ways.

Allow yourself to make a mistake.

As parents we teach our children that when you start something, you finish it.  You may have decided that that activity or sport or project that you started is not as awesome as you thought, but you have made a commitment and you need to follow through.

So, when is it okay to back down on that?  When is it okay to not complete something you have started? And if you as a parent don't always finish everything you start, how can your make your child stick it out if they really dislike what they are doing?

This is the dilemma we faced with Matthew and football.  In second grade he went out for flag football in Estherville.  He had fun.  It wasn't his favorite thing, but he had fun.  Last year, in 3rd grade, he went out for flag football again.  Well, we went to the games every week, he played, but he had more fun hanging out with his friends on the side lines.  When he was on the field playing, he was watching the friends on the side line.  One week we forgot his mouth guard and he said, "That's ok, we can just go home."  And no, he didn't forget it on purpose!  We assured him that he wouldn't need to go home, luckily they had mouth guards for sale in the concession stand!  He wasn't upset, he played.

We got the impression after last fall that he had decided that football wasn't his thing and he wouldn't be going out again.  Then came 4th grade and well, football became more of a big thing among his friends.  And wow, now they have TACKLE football starting at 3rd grade, no more flag football.

Mike and I talked about football before talking with Matthew.  We thought we knew his thoughts, we were sure he was not going to go out, especially since it was now tackle.  Wow were we wrong.  He was so excited to play.  We did a lot of talking to him, trying to make really sure that this was what he wanted to do.  Mike played football until his senior year before deciding he didn't HAVE to play even though he didn't enjoy it.  So we wanted Matthew to know that we were not expecting him to play, that he had the right to choose whatever he wanted to play, he didn't have to do something because he thought he should.

Nope, he desperately wanted to play football, so off to sign up we went.  He got fitted for a helmet and pads.  Mike and I had discussions about whether we would hold strong on the you finish what your start mantra.  We figured that once he got tackled, he would not want to be playing anymore.  We had decided that if he decided he did not like it, we would let him out of his commitment this time.

Practice started, he LOVED football.  He was having so much fun.  He came home a sweaty, stinky mess after each practice.  He was loving it.  Then they started wearing pads and tackling.  His enthusiasm waned, he complained about aches and pains in his legs, arms, neck, etc.  But he still claimed to enjoy football.  Infact, he told me that he couldn't play as well as the other boys because they had cleats and he didn't yet.  So, off we go to buy football cleats.

I KNEW I should have held off on the shoes.  Sure enough, after 2 more practices (2 whole wearings of these new cleats), he came home saying he really didn't think he wanted to play football any more.  That was last night.  He said that, but then said he was thinking about it.

Fast forward to tonight at 5:30, football practice is at 6:00.  Matthew comes to me and says, "Did dad tell you that I don't want to do football anymore?"  We have our sit down and talk, I call the coach and we let him quit football.

So what does that mean for us as adults.  When do we allow ourselves to call it quits?  When do we say enough is enough and give up on something we are doing?  Do we follow the mantra we give our children and say you see it through, you finish what you have started?  Do we follow our hearts when we know that something is wrong and for our own emotional health we need to stop?

It's a hard, hard road.  A few years back I was asked to direct the bell choir at a church I belonged to.  I was excited, I hadn't done this before, but it sounded like fun.  I spent time going through the music, seeing what all there was there for us, arranging practice times and setting aside time in my life to do this.  Because when I do something, I give it 110%.

First practice, or rather meeting, happened.  Two of the members who had been in it before showed up and TOLD me how I would run practices, what songs we would be playing, and how I would handle things.  Whoa...this was NOT what I signed up for at all.  I had signed up to reorganize and restart a bell choir that had been faltering.  I did not sign up to do what 2 people wanted and be their puppet.

I went home from that meeting and cried and cried.  I think it took Mike giving me permission to let myself of the hook.  I was crying and struggling because I didn't know how I was going to do this to my 110% level when I was going to be expected to do it someone else's way.  But being me, I wasn't going to just quit, that's not who I am, I don't quit.  Mike told me that if doing it was going to cause me this much turmoil, it was simply not worth it.

I ended up driving to the pastor's house and knocking on the door and resigning that evening.  I sat in the pastor's living room crying and crying because I felt so guilty for quitting.  Fortunately for me, he was very understanding and could see how hard this decision had been for me.

Funny, now I am in a new town and I asked if I could revive the bell choir in our new church that hadn't been in existence for many years.  We are in our 2nd year and we are having a blast.  Had our first rehearsal last night and we are making tons of progress!  Everyone is enjoying themselves and I am loving it!

As adults we often hold ourselves to standards that are much too high, not allowing ourselves to be human, to make mistakes, make mistakes in judgement or to fail at something.  Every day at school I tell students that it is okay to make a mistake, it's okay to try and not succeed the first time.  I tell them that we ALL make mistakes, we all goof up, we are human.

Do you allow yourself to be human?  Do you allow yourself to make mistakes and not punish yourself for your mistakes?  We tell children that from our mistakes comes our learning, our growth.  Are we, as adults, allowing ourselves to learn from our mistakes and grow and change?  Everyday I learn something from my students.  It may be a silly 8 year old joke, but it makes me laugh and smile.

Smiling and enjoying life, that is what we should be doing.  And maybe sometimes it is okay to "call it quits" and allow yourself to not complete something.  A smile and a laugh can sometimes be the best medicine you can possible find.

Have you allowed yourself to make a mistake and to laugh at your mistakes?  Take time to enjoy life and enjoy what you are doing.  When we take things too seriously, we end up not enjoying our lives and our surroundings.  No commitment to a task is work your mental or emotional health.  Give yourself a break, allow yourself that freedom.

Today my son quit football, something that was NOT his cup of tea.  He felt guilty for letting the team down, but he felt relieved because he was no longer letting himself down, he was no longer forcing himself to do something he truly did not enjoy.

Don't let yourself down, allow yourself to be human, and remember to enjoy your life.

Want it? Teach it!

We often assume that when we tell someone to "behave" they know what that means.  And then when someone "misbehaves" we assume that it is because they are choosing that action and the "KNOW BETTER" than that.

My mom taught me, when I was quite young, that you should never assume.  She broke up the word this way for me to visually see why to assume was something bad.

ass/u/me      

Then had me separate it (remember, I was young). 

ass     u     me

It's a lesson I have always remembered.  She would always say then later,  "Remember what assuming makes?"   

In life we tend to think that those around us have the same skill set or knowledge base as we do.  Children especially think that.  For example, we are raising our children to believe that ALL people are created equally.  That regardless of their skin color, political affiliation, sexual orientation, hair color, piercings, tattoos, religious beliefs, physical or mental impairments, etc, ALL people deserve to be treated equally and with respect.

Well, since our kids have heard that over and over again in their lives, it never occurred to them that not everyone around them believed the same way.  I remember Maggie's response when she found out people opposed Iowa's new law giving same sex couples the right to marry.  To her it was the most natural law to pass, so when she discovered that people were fighting it her response was, "Why?  What does it matter to them if two people get married?  It doesn't affect them."

We were proud of her response, but we needed to explain to her that not all people believed that way, that some people were very opposed to same sex marriage and even though we don't agree with them, we need to respect their beliefs.  Everyone has a right to their beliefs, we don't have to agree with them but we must respect their beliefs just like we would expect them to respect our beliefs.  

Maggie naturally assumed that everyone was being taught to think the same way she was being taught.  She assumed that everyone around her had the same skills, knowledge and beliefs.

I think in many aspects of life we all are as naive as Maggie was.  We assume things that are not fair to assume.

As a teacher, I have been in school for 38 years now.  There are certain rules in a school that are universal.  Don't run, don't talk when the teacher is talking, don't push, etc.  I think we sometimes forget that not all people have been in school their entire life and don't live those rules/expectations day in and day out.

Wapello is beginning a new School Wide program called PBIS (Positive Behavior Instruction and Supports).  ONe of the main premises of this is we must TEACH the students what the behavior we want looks like.  

How do you do that?  You don't fill them with all the don'ts and no's.  You tell them what you DO expect, what you want it to look like.  So rather than saying "Don't talk when I am talking" you say things like "Show respect for the teacher."  Then in discussion you teach the kids what showing respect for the teacher looks like.  You are sitting still in your chair, you are facing the front, you are looking at the teacher and listening.  

Surprisingly (or not) students already know what NOT to do.  If you ask them what they should not do during class, they can come up with a whole list of things.  But when you ask them what they SHOULD do it gets a little harder.  Not because they don't know, but because they have never approached it that way.  Approaching behaviors in a positive way makes every situation a little easier a little kinder.  

I started this year in class asking students to name rules for school.  Sure enough, they all listed rules that started with DON'T or NO.  I told them that I don't like rules because they are so negative.  Students really respond well when you say, "I don't have rules in my classroom.  Infact, I never have had rules in my room."  They look at your like you are a little crazy.    

I continued with, "I have expectations.  These are the things that I EXPECT you will do, not the things I want you not to do, but the things that I expect you WILL do."  Then I go through my expectations.  1) Always Try     2) Be Responsible     3) Show Respect

When I word it that way, the students can come up with all sorts of ways to show what that looks like, sounds like, means.  They "get" that Always Try means you can't just sit there and not participate.  But rather than saying it in a negative way, it is stated in a positive, "I will Always Try."   

For 17 years I have had the same expectations in my classroom, not rules but expectations.  I was thrilled when we decided to start PBIS here because it is the philosophy I have always taken in my teaching.  Now I am NOT saying that I am perfect and amazing, far from it.  I have always started the year telling them my expectations (not rules) in a positive way, but found myself degrading to saying Don't and No a lot.  

This year with our focus turning to PBIS and positive, I am being much more conscious of the way I say things and how I focus on the behavior I want to change.  

If you want it, teach it.  That is a mantra I have heard for 25 years in college and now teaching.  If you want the kids to do something, you must teach them how.  

The same hold true for behaviors.  Kids come from very varied backgrounds and homes.  When you say, "Act like you would if you were in church."  Well, not all families go to church.  Some families allow their kids to crawl all over the pews in church.  So essentially you are telling them to crawl all over the chairs.  Or, to the kids who never attend church, they are completely clueless as to what you mean.

"Would you do that at home?"  Of course, the answer you are expecting is NO because you would not allow that at home.  But for many, many children the answer is YES.  So they don't understand why you are getting so angry or frustrated with them.

This year in my classroom I am working very hard to focus on the positive and say things differently so that rather than pointing out the bad behavior I am pointing out the good behavior.  Of course, I first taught them what the "good" behavior was that I was expecting.  Now, when a child is having difficulty with this I ask them if they remember what it is supposed to look like.  I also tell them that if they are having trouble remembering what it looks like, I would be more than happy to practice with them during recess so they can remember and won't forget any more.  Hee hee, what a fun way to turn it around.  They very quickly "remember" the correct way to avoid needing to practice it during recess.

I catch myself, often, reverting to old ways.  "Don't ...."  or "Stop ..."  and then I correct myself asking them to remember or pointing out someone doing it correctly.  One of my colleagues has a fabulous approach to behavior problems.  When she sees a student doing something "wrong" instead of saying "Student, please stop touching the other student."  She says, "Student, I really like how you are standing with your hands to yourself."  Yes, she actually says that to the student who is touching the other student.  It makes them stop, realize what they are doing, and quickly fix it.  So she still talks directly to that student, but rather than pointing out a negative, she points out the positive.  Kind of a reverse psychology, but it's working.

So I think about the world and this same idea.  How do we teach tolerance and acceptance of all people?  I said in an earlier post that we learn a lot from children.  A friend replied with a quote, which I can't remember exactly, about how hard we as people work to teach hate.  We teach the tolerance and acceptance right out of children.  Children are naturally accepting of people.  As adults we teach them to see the differences and to judge those differences.    WE should really be learning from the children.

So how do we teach respect, tolerance and acceptance for all people, we model it.  Children learn what they see modeled for them.  If we are showing respect, tolerance and acceptance for all people, children will learn that and copy that.  

We have great power and influence on the children around us - be sure that what you are modeling or teaching our children is worth learning.