10 Month Surgiversary

This past Friday marked 10 months since my Gastric Bypass (RNY) surgery.

They have been 10 amazing months.  Amazing for many reasons:  good and bad.

I'll start with the bad - because I don't want to dwell on them.

• still, 10 months out, I don't always know what food will sit well and what food will make me sick.  It's kind of a "crap shoot".  The unfortunate part is that one day a food can be great and the next time I eat it, it makes me sick.  I would worry, but the support sites I belong to on-line have shown me that I am not alone in this.
• Food apathy.  NEVER would I have guessed that I would go from being a food addict to being food apathetic.  But seriously - much of the time I have to remind myself to eat.  And when I am hungry, nothing ever sounds good.  I used to get excited about going out to eat - I still enjoy going out but the eating part, I really could not care less.  Eating has become something I MUST do, something my body needs, so I do it...but food no longer is something I look forward to.  
• Because of the food apathy I have learned that I need to find something that works, something I like to eat, and eat it all the time.  yes, I tend to eat the same thing every single day.  BORING.  But, it stays down, I stay feeling good.
• Protein - who knew it would be so difficult to get all the protein in that I am supposed to have each day.  Especially when nothing ever sounds good.  My dietitian really stresses and pushes EATING the protein, not using protein bars or protein shakes.  Well - if I don't do a protein shake, I simply do not get enough protein in.  
• Carbs - OMG - I still crave carbs and that stinks.  Yes, although I am food apathetic, there is still that urge to munch at times.  I work really hard to not munch and mindlessly eat.  But when I do allow a snack or munch - my body says "give me carbs" - bad, bad bad.  This did not really start until December and since then I am trying really hard to break the carb cycle and get them OUT.
• Stalls - Losing weight the first few months was easy..,.it seemed to just melt off.  It is MUCH slower now...MUCH.  But it is still slowly coming off.  I need to remember it is coming off much more than it was a year ago.  So - I keep plugging away.

Honestly - I put these in the "bad" category - but they really are not bad.  They are a bother, a pain, an obstacle, but really are not problems or complications.  I have been truly fortunate.  I had ZERO complications from my surgery.  I have had no complications from the surgery over the last 10 months.  As far as the surgery goes - I have been a dream.  The "bad" things are more of me adjusting to the new life I have.

So, on to the good:

• Health - wow...when I really think about this, it amazes me.  Before surgery I had high blood pressure, gastric reflux, sleep apnea, joint pain, and holy heck stairs were hell on me.  Since surgery...Blood Pressure meds gone since 1 week after surgery, reflux meds gone 1 month after surgery.  Sleep Apnea - I had to stop using the machine toward the end of summer because it actually made me hurt.  In January I finally had a new sleep study and it shows that I no longer need the CPap machine.  Joints - other than periodic pains from exercising and such - they are virtually gone.  Stairs - well, I actually choose to take them sometimes when I have the option of stairs vs. elevator.  Why not!
• Stairs - just a side note.  Last week our surgery support group met and our speaker was an orthopedic surgeon.  He was talking about obesity and the joints, mostly knees.  He told us a figure that I had not heard before...He said when we go up stairs - we are putting 5 times our body weigh on our knees, going down stairs it is 7 times.  So - I have lost 125 pounds, that means when I go down stairs I am putting 875 fewer pounds of weight/pressure on my knees with each step.  875 pounds.  That is completely unreal to me.  I looked at the doctor and said, "NO WONDER stairs were hell!"
• Self Image - this may sound petty but I feel so much better about myself.  I look in the mirror and I am finally able to see that I have lost 125 pounds.  It has taken me most of these 10 months to get to this point.  For most of the last 10 months I looked in the mirror and still saw the 327 pound fat girl.  I still struggle with this, but I am FINALLY seeing the new me (at least a little) when I look in the mirror.  INfact, I have kind of become a mirror aholic!  LOL  I actually enjoy looking in the mirror now.
• Exercise - I can't say I enjoy it necessarily, but I don't hate it and THAT is progress.  I feel guilty when I do not get to the gym.  I am learning to push myself and strive to do more/be better each time I am there.
• Will Power - I finally have some of this when it comes to food and sweets.  I have learned to take a bit or two of a dessert instead of 1-2 pieces of dessert.  I can eat a few bites of Mike's dessert and be satisfied.  There have been 4 boxes of Girl Scout cookies in my house for a few weeks - they seriously do not even tempt me.  THAT is unreal to me.  The food apathy helps in that way - so even though I listed it as a bad - I try to see the good parts of it and use it to help me.
• Energy - People have always said I have lots of energy.  Often that was because I made sure to have that energy when I was in public - privately I could have none.  Well now - it's not something I have to try to do, something I have to think about - I just seriously have more energy all the time.  Infact, I feel old, I am waking up earlier and going to bed earlier - that's what OLD people do.  I wake up sometimes at 3:00am and have to read or soemthing for an hour before I can go back to sleep.  And when I wake up in the morning I don't feel horrible, I can still get up!
• Horizontal Stripes - this is odd, for my whole life I have completely stayed away from clothing with horizontal stripes - they accentuate your width - and I wanted to hide my width.  Now - they are my favorite thing to wear.  I have many shirts with black and white horizontal stripes, some with other colors, but most of them are black and white. (don't worry, they are all different!)  But I love the way I look in them now.  It accentuates my smaller waist.  They show off that I have a figure, I have curves...and the curves are in the right places!!

Way back last May I had my pre-op appointment with the surgeon and the PA.  At that meeting the PA set a 1 year goal for me - the weight he wanted me to achieve by May 7, 2014.  I am thrilled to say that at the 10 month point, I am only 2 pounds away from that doctor set goal.  MY goal, however is 15 pounds away.  The doctor set my goal to be a BMI of 30.  Which is down 22 from where I started with a BMI of 52.  As much as that thrills me....a BMI of 30 is still considered obese.  I have not come this far to still be obese.

So, I set my goal to be overweight.  It's kind of funny when you say to someone, "The goal I am striving for is to finally be overweight!"  It makes people look at you a little oddly.  But I started with such a high BMI and was morbidly obese.  At least now I am simply obese, no more morbidly before it.  But that just is not good enough for me.  I want to at least be overweight!  And I know that if I keep working at this and doing what I need to do - I can achieve that goal.  And then, if I really, really work hard - I can maybe...MAYBE get to "normal".  But I have decided that I have to agree to be happy with getting to overweight and maintaining that.  Sure, I might be able to push really hard and get to "normal" but would I be able to maintain that?  I do NOT want to get down and then start re-gaining the weight - that can just be a train wreck.

I need to keep things real, I need to remember where I came from and all that I have achieved in the past 10 months.  I was given a gift... a tool to use to help me finally find the Molly that was hidden inside, "theinnerskinnyme"!  She was really in there and I am finding her.  Doing this surgery and adjusting to my new lifestyle has been FAR from easy and will remain FAR from easy for the rest of my life.  But I would not change it for the world.  Other than picking my amazing husband, deciding to have this surgery is the best decision I have ever made for myself.  I am thankful every single day for the tool I have to help me do this. 

I am excited to see what the next 10 months bring!