Waiting is killing me

March 28th I had my final of 6 appointments with the dietitian, doctors and psychologist.  They had to finish their reports and then send them in to insurance for approval.

So now I sit waiting to hear back from insurance.  They said it usually takes 7-10 days to hear back.  Well that means this week some time.  So as far as I am concerned - NOW please.

People ask me if I am nervous - not for the surgery, no!  The only thin I am nervous about is hearing back from insurance.  I have worked so hard for this and every other thing I have tried has failed - I feel like this is finally my chance to succeed.  So what am I nervous about?  That they will so no and I will fail again.

Honestly - I cannot see why in the world insurance would say no.  I meet every single requirement for the surgery.  I have worked hard to change my habits, learn new habits,etc.  The doctors and dietitian also think it will go through fine.  So I need to stop being nervous.

Funny thing happened at the last appointment.  I met with the psychologist - went well.  Met with the dietitian - went well.  Then I met with the doctor.  I have met the head surgeon, I have met the PA that works with him.  This time it was a different doctor.  He is the fellow with the bariatric department for 2013.  Nice guy.

So he sits down, looks at my chart and told me that I didn't lose enough weight.  My goal was to lose 30-35 pounds and I was right at 20 pound.

Oooo - that pissed me off.  Does he not know how hard I have worked to lose that 20 pounds?!?!  Does he not know how starving I am every day?!  He made me mad.

Well, 5 days later I went to the bariatric support group meeting, guess who the speaker was?  That same doctor!  Needless to say I was kind of bleh about listening to him.

Well - I should not have been bleh.  He was wonderful and 20 minutes into the meeting I knew why he wanted me to lose more weight!  I was no longer pissed at him!

Research has shown that patients who lose 10% of their weight before surgery have the best long-term results.  Well - 32.7 pounds is 10%  - so I resolved that I WOULD lose the other 12.7 pounds before surgery!  Not try - I WILL do it.  I resolved to be better about exercising, better about drinking more water.  I was just plain going to be better!

So - here I am, not quite a week after that support group and I have lost 4 pounds!  I am GOING to make that 12.7 more pounds.... only 8.7 to go!

Then, this past Saturday I had another wonderful thing happen.

I've been hating wearing jeans.  They bunch up on my inner thighs and rub and hurt.  Well....the issue - THEY ARE TOO BIG!!!!!!  I have had to tighten my belt 4 notches since I started this journey.  So I have been wearing the same jeans and tightening my belt.  They are gaping and weird at the top and there is too much fabric at my inner thighs!

So Saturday I decided to try a pair of jeans I had bought last year and then decided they were too small and bought the next size.

THEY FIT!  They fit and even have a little extra room at the waist!  I still have to put my belt at the 4th notch - cuz that's what size my waist is - but there isn't all this extra material.  And they are not tight AT ALL!

So - that is my feel good moment this past week.  I am wearing a size smaller jeans.  I could be wearing smaller dress pants - but I refuse to go shopping until after I have lost weight after my surgery.  I am not spending good money on clothes that are going to be too big and I will never wear again.  So - I keep wearing my dress pants that are baggy on the butt and smile knowing that htey are too big.

Wow - what a weird thing to type - TOO BIG.  I have never had clothes that are too big - always too small.

I am keeping those old (TOO BIG) jeans though - they will be my motivation.  to NEVER fit in them again and to hold up in front of the NEW me!