There is the old saying, "There is no 'I' in 'Team'. Meaning that when you are on a team it isn't about you, there isn't a hero, there isn't one person who stands out, it is a group of people working together to accomplish something.
Working together, what a concept. A concept that people always harp on.
Today I saw a new saying about 'I' vs. 'we' and I really liked it. Here is the saying I saw:
When 'i' is replaced with 'we' even 'illness becomes wellness'.
Trying to do everything alone, feeling alone in the world is not a good feeling. But what a great feeling to have people, to have friends, to have a companion.
Take the older person who is alone and gets a dog for companionship. It turns an 'I' into a 'we' and often improves the health of the older person who had been alone.
People need companionship, people need a 'we.' I know there have been studies done about the health of a person who is alone and a person who is a 'we' in some way.
And how many stories have we all heard about a person who loses their spouse to death and a short time later they succumb to death as well. People will say that the living spouse simply couldn't live anymore without their partner. When the we turned to an I, the wellness turned to illness.
Depression is an illness that affects many, many people. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it just is. But often people with depression issues also feel alone. They feel alone in life, alone in their struggle, just plain, alone.
I have dealt with depression on and off in my life and I can tell you that a lot of it has come from a feeling of 'I", a feeling of being alone, a feeling of loneliness. I have been happily married for over 20 years now and been with Mike for almost 22 years. And there is something to be said about the 'we' of marriage. But there is also a lot to be said for friendships outside of marriage. Many people need a 'we' outside of just their spouse. They need friends. I am one of those people, I need people in my life in addition to my spouse and kids. I need a 'we' outside of family.
So I turn this to kids, to students - the students who we see alone, separated from the group. Watch recess time and watch the kids playing. Inevitably you will find a few kids alone somewhere. An 'I' surrounded by many 'we's' outside.
Kids are great at making it look like they want to be alone, like they enjoy solitude or they don't want to play with the other kids. But, that's a great act. The majority of those kids are aching inside, hoping beyond hope that someone will want them to be a 'we' with them. They watch the groups playing and they envy that companionship, that friendship. But admitting that would mean endless torture from the other students.
Bullying is a horrible thing. I have such vivid memories of a bully throughout my HS years. He was merciless and cruel. He has no clue what he did to me. He has no clue how I still, 25 years later, look back at high school and remember very little positive.
Bullies and bullying is a huge issue in our world, huge. What can we do to help stop it, to stop people from purposely hurting other people. We need to empower students to stand up to the bullies. We need kids to see that we, the adults, will help them stand up to the bullies. They need to see that even when they feel alone, WE are with them, WE are there for them.
And we as adults need to let the bullies know that their behaviors will not be tolerated and will not be allowed. Kids need to be able to trust the adults to be watching and to be willing to intervene, be willing to stand up for the bullied and against the bullies. If we, as adults are not willing to stand up against bullying, how can we expect children to do it. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it is difficult. But if we can't be the adults and protect the bullied, how can we expect the victims to stand up for themselves.
One of the worst things I have heard of is an adult confronting the bully but using the victim when doing so. Basically selling out the victim by saying, "Well [victim's name] said that you did such and such." Or "[Victim's name] came to me complaining about you."
What that does is let the bully know that they "got" to the victim. They win. A bully wants to know they have power over their victims. A bully gets satisfaction knowing they have hurt someone. When adults "sell out" the victim, they may stop that singular instance of bullying, but they granted the bully more power than before over the victim.
We need to approach the bully from a bystander point of view. "I saw..." or "I overheard..." We cannot grant the bully more power. We cannot aid the bully in their quest for power, we need to stop the power and protect the victim.
Kids make themselves sick daily due to bullying. They don't want to come to school, they avoid recess or group settings. When we grant them a 'we' instead of being an 'I' we grant them 'wellness' instead of 'illness.'
What can we do to stop bullying? What can we do to help these kids? WE can be their 'we'. We can help them turn an 'I' into a 'we' and 'illness' into 'wellness.'
Kids need to feel like they belong, they need companionship. They need safety. They need a 'we' just like everyone else.
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