Love Yourself for Who You Are!

Why is it that we tell our children we love them a zillion times a day when they are little, but it gets less and less as they grow up?  Why is it we send messages to our children/students every day that what they are doing isn't good enough?

Today brought this home to me in my brain.  I had a student who was being a real pain in class, not allowing class to continue, being totally disruptive.  I try to not send kids out of my class - it's a reward, they are being disruptive in an effort to get out of doing the work, when you remove them from class, you are rewarding them even further - they are getting what they want.  Today, however, I had just had enough of his disruptions, we couldn't get anything done!  So with about 8 minutes remaining in class I told him to take the office pass and sit by the office.

He then "owed" me time at recess so we could re-learn what it was I expected and to "practice" how that should look in class.

At recess time he came to me, just like he was supposed to.  We sat and talked.  I asked him why he was acting that way today.  His reply, "I don't like music."  I told him that it was fine to not like music, but he really didn't need to disrupt the whole class just because he doesn't like it!  He shrugged.  Then I got serious on him..."Have I ever done anything to you that disrespects you?"  He said, nope.  "Have I done things that tell you that I have confidence in you?"  He shrugs.  "Did I give you a special job last year that NO ONE else got to have?"  Oh yeah, he says.  "Did you like that?"  Yeah.

"Okay, so if I have shown you respect and done that for you, do you realize that I like you?"  He just stared at me.  "Yes, I like you.  Did you know that?"  He shakes his head.  "I want to be a person you can trust, a person who you can talk to, a person you can come to, a person you KNOW likes you and makes you feel good."  He just sad there looking at the floor.  Then I asked the key question.  "Do YOU like yourself?"  His reply was, "I don't know."  and he hung his head.

Wow - he is so good at making people think he is all that, he is above getting in trouble.  Now I am not saying that this is the key to everything and now I have saved him.  LOL - I do not have that power, far from it.  But, for me, knowing that he doesn't even think he likes himself tells me a lot and tells me how I can work on approaching him in the future.

"I told him that was a problem - that he really should like himself or he was telling me I was a poor judge of people since I like him."  He smiled a little.

I have NO CLUE if this will make a difference the next time I have him in class, but I know that from now on I am going to be sure to greet him every day, say something positive to/about him every time I see him.  This kid hears very little positive about himself.  I've decided that I am going to be that positive bug that is in his ear every day.  I don't know if it will help, I don't know if his attitude will change, but it certainly can't hurt, can it?

I have a feeling I will still have bad days with him in class, I am not delusional and think I have solved all the problems.  Ha - if that was all it took, I'd write a book, copyright it and sell millions of copies and retire rich and happy!  LOL

So this happened this morning, then this evening I was messaging a friend and in our discussion was how the best way you can support a person is to let them know that it is okay to love yourself for who you are.  That even if you think it's obvious - you may be the only person telling that person that it is okay to love themselves.

Everyone needs that person in their lives giving them permission to love themselves.  Telling them that they are perfect just the way they are.

How many of us need that reminder every day?  I'm 43 and I need to remember every day that it's okay to love myself, even though I weigh too much, I talk too much, I am too loud most of the time, and I tend to be a know-it-all.  Regardless of those traits - it's okay to love myself.

If at 43 I still need that daily reminder that it's okay to love myself - imagine being an 8, 9, 12, 14 year old child....they desperately need the reminder to love love themselves for who they are.  Every day kids are surrounded by influences that can be horrific on their self-esteem.  For example, today my daughter was dressed in her 1980s outfit - I posted a picture on yesterday's blog.  Kids actually called her a "stripper".  Seriously - she was covered completely.  Some kids would be totally ruined by people saying that to them.  Fortunately, Maggie is a fairly self confident kid.  Yes, it bothered her, she was still mad when I got home at 6:30.  But she didn't let it change her thoughts on her clothes, she still liked what she wore.

But what about that kid who is excited about their outfit and lacks self-confidence?  That kid would be totally wrecked by those kinds of statements.

As I am facing the potential for weight-loss surgery, I sometimes wonder if I am sending the wrong message to my kids.  Am I telling them that I shouldn't love me for who I am?  I am trying to radically change myself.  Am I telling them that you need a certain body to be happy?  I hope not.  I am making it clear to them that I am pursuing this because I want to be healthy, I want to by physically active and with the weight I am now, I cannot do that.  I am telling them that being this over weight is not healthy for my heart, my joints, and all sorts of other body things.  That when they have kids, I want to be able to play and run with them, not sit and look at them.

So I hope that even though I am trying to radically change something about myself, I am still sending the message to my kids that I am not doing this so I can feel good ABOUT myself, I am doing this so I can be a healthier person.

It has taken me MANY years to love myself for who I am, and I honestly think that because I truly do love myself for who I am, I am finally able to face the idea of changing that part of me and going forward in this endeavor.  If I didn't love myself, I wouldn't care about being healthy and being here for the future.

What can we do to help our kids/students/friends love themselves for who they are?  Can we be that voice that tells them regularly that they are wonderful just the way they are, flaws and all?  Can we be that positive voice that accepts them just as they are, even if we don't agree with everything they say or do?  Can we be there for them, support them, not tell them they need to suck it up?  One of the most devastating things for me in my life was being told repeatedly that I was over reacting, I was being paranoid.  I needed to be told it was okay to have the feeling I was having, that I didn't deserve to be treated that way.  Yes, I needed to get a thicker skin, but when you are going through that, that is NOT what you need to hear.  You need to be supported, loved for exactly who you are.

Can you be that person for the people in your life?  Can you make sure that they know that YOU love them for exactly who they are an that it is okay for them to love themselves for exactly who they are?

I know that after my encounter with a student today and my later conversation with an old HS friend, I am going to work my tail off to be that person.  I am going to work to be that voice that says, "I love you for who you are.  It is okay for you to love yourself for exactly who you are."