Power of Positivity

You catch more flies with honey.  A saying most people have heard.

In a school everyday there are behavior problems.  The continual question or dilemma is how do we take care of those issues and not spend all of our time and energy doing so.  How do we not positively reinforce the negative behaviors?

Kill 'em with kindness.  In other words, focus on the positive, not the negative.

Today I saw how powerful this can really be.  Students were coming in from recess and were being loud and not staying in line.  Way too often the response to this is "Shhhhh."  or "Quiet" or "Get in Line"
I happened to be right there and in class earlier that day with them I had talked about how the same expectations of walking in the hall held for in class with a few tweaks.  Our school is working on having a Positive based behavior program.  I had discussed "Body Basics" with them just that morning.  Your eyes are forward, your hands are to yourself, your mouth is closed and you are using your walking feet, not running, skipping, etc.

So as the kids are coming in and the line was disintegrating and the noise was gearing up, I simply said, "Hey guys, I really like how you are using your Body Basics, thank you."  It was awesome to watch.  Kids who were out of line slipped back into line.  People who were bouncing or trotting, slowed back to walking feet.  Kids who were hanging on others or running their hands on the wall brought their hands back to themselves.  It was awesome.  No one felt like they were in trouble, no one felt like they were being singled out when others were showing the same negative behaviors.  In fact, another adult noticed that the students all started walking a bit taller and prouder.  They LIKED being noticed for doing something well.

I continued to say thank you to the students as the 3 classes filed passed me and I watched this same process occur several times.  Yet instead of feeling stressed about having to get after kids for not following the rules or having to remind kids of the expectations, I felt joy in watching the kids feel good about themselves.  NO, not every child was following the Body Basics, not every child deserved to be praised.  But when I said they were doing a great job and thanked them, those kids didn't feel like they were being singled out for not following the expectations.  They were given a chance to change their behavior and be part of the praise.  They were given the chance to feel good about what they were doing.

I am employed part time and don't have to be at school until 8:30, which is 10 minutes after the school day starts.  I also get to leave at 2:20, 50 minutes before the school day ends.  Because I am who I am, I tend to be there before 8:00 and stay until 3:30 or 4:00.  But I have started a new thing this year.  In the morning as the kids are arriving, I station myself in the entryway and greet the kids as they come in.  I welcome them to school and comment on clothes, shoes, bags, hair, lots of things.  I have had some kids ask me why I am there every morning.  I said it was because I like to see them all coming to school and say hi.  While this is true, the bigger reason is I like to make sure kids are starting their day on a positive note.  We can't control what happened before they came to school.  They may have had a fight with a sibling, they may have had a fight with their parent.  They could be entering the school already feeling badly about the day, my hope is that whatever they are feeling when they walk in, hopefully I can help make their day positive by telling them I am glad to see them.

At the end of the day, I tend to be in the same area again.  I sit in the entry way and say goodbye and tell them to have a good night.  Again I comment on clothes, hair, bags, whatever strikes my fancy at the moment.  If I know a student has a game or something special I try to remember to wish them luck.  If it is their birthday I try to remember to wish them a happy birthday again.

It's gotten so kids are beginning to expect me there and some are coming to share something that happened during the day.  That is a great feeling - to know that they want to share it with me.

Being positive, even to your toughest kids, can be very very rewarding.  It can make a difference like you would not believe.

Sadly enough, it's harder to do with your own children at home all of the time.  If one of your children is misbehaving and the other one is gone, you can't exactly make a sweeping statement like, "I like how you are..." when it just plain would sound stupid!  But, can you surround your criticisms with positive things as well?  In a class I was in the other day we were told that for every 1 negative you need to say 5 positives.  That can be extremely difficult, especially at home when you are one-on-one and your child just did something extremely naughty.

But if just telling students you like how they are walking in a line can make a huge difference, imagine what being positive with your children at home.

I have decided that I now have a Super Power - the Power of Positivity.  But as Spiderman says, "With great power comes great responsibility."  So use your new Power of Positivity for good, not evil.  Change the world with your Positive ways.