You're Different and That is Bad

Book title you will never see..."You're Different and That's Bad"

However, if you walk into any school you will see people treating people badly because they are different.  I think that is the number one issue facing us in a school - to get people to treat people kindly.

This past week I witnessed 3 boys harassing a 4th boy because he didn't wear camo to school on the cowboy/camo day.  They seriously felt it necessary to make fun of him because he preferred other activities to hunting.  The 4th boy, the one being teased, was the bigger person and walked away.  But those 3 felt it necessary to keep saying things as he walked away.  I intervened and stopped the boys, talked to them about their behavior and made sure that their classroom teacher was aware of the situation and could keep an eye out for future interactions.

I've been that 4th boy on way too many occasions.  I hurt for him as he was walking away.  But was proud of him to my very core.  He knew that attempting to tell the other 3 off would only result in them continuing or getting worse.  I don't think he even knew I was standing there.  I intervened while he was still in ear shot because I wanted to be sure he knew that someone was there, standing up for his right to like whatever he wanted to like to do for an activity.  Knowing the kid like I do, I knew that he would be uncomfortable with me telling him I talked to the boys, but I know that he will appreciate that I did it.

The problem - that kind of behavior happens WAY too often and most often not in the earshot of an adult who can help them.  And I am not deluding myself that the 3 boys will stop their behavior.

Adults are almost no better than kids.  As teachers we get into our own ruts, our own routines and get scared of change.  Then when someone tries something new and different, it threatens us and what we know.  Unfortunately, that can result in unkind words shared over the new and different practices.

I know I have said before that change scares us.  I don't get why we as people are threatened by change and trying new things.  Why different scares us.  Shouldn't we be celebrating our differences and our attempts at being the best teachers we can be?  Shouldn't we be thrilled for a teacher who is trying something new and finding positive results?  But for some reason we have a tendency to want to hold on the "the way we've always done things" rather than going out on a limb and trying something new.

I used to work very hard to make sure that I covered a certain amount of material, in a certain order every year so that I made sure each student got the same education from me.  It worked in the past, it will work now, right?!  Then one February about 12 years ago or so I attended the Minnesota Music Educators Conference.  I attended one 60 minute session that changed how I taught.  It opened me up to change things up, do things differently, give the students more ownership in their education.  That spring I tossed all my lesson plans out the window and tried a whole new approach.  The result, a student written, directed, crafted spring program.  They wrote the songs, wrote the script and created the set.  I was no longer teaching them, I was guiding them in their discovery.

Now I would like to say that was what changed everything.  It wasn't.  When I tried that same approach another year, it failed miserably.  What I learned then was what really helped me....

We can't teach the same we to each new set of kids.  We have to adapt our teaching to each group of kids.  We can't expect that "last year it took me 8 days to get through chapter 1 so this year I planned 8 days."  That can result in giving a test to students who are NOT ready.  And when we do that and the kids do poorly, we tend to lay the blame on the kids for not paying attention because the kids last year did just fine.  But we all learn differently.

Last year I watched a teacher do something that made me thrilled.  This teacher was planning a test on one day, had arranged for the person who reads tests to some of the students to be ready to read on that day.  The day before the test the teacher told the test reader that they would NOT be taking the test tomorrow, the kids are struggling and they would be doing some re-teaching and covering things in a different way before taking the test.

That made me so happy.  I loved seeing this teacher watching out for the kids and their best interest rather than a schedule that had been predetermined.  Covering more and not having comprehension does not always make for a better education.  This teacher gets that and took more time, risking not getting as far as they wanted to get, but assuring better learning.  Kudos to that teacher.

Every student we teach learns differently.  We are the best teachers when we go out of our way to teach to each student as an individual rather than a group of kids.  I know, I can hear people saying - I have way too many kids in my class to do that.  But wait, I am not saying you teach the lesson 18 ways if you have 18 students.  When we teach, we can make sure that we engage all learning styles, we can remember that not all kids learn best in one way and be open to trying new things.  Last week I saw a teacher on their stomach in the classroom working on something with a couple of students.  That worked best for them.... that's what the teacher did.

As teachers we need to realize that every teacher is not the same, we don't all teach with the same style, we don't all connect with kids in the same way.  We all have our own ways of teaching and directing learning and that is OK.  One may like to follow the text book, one may like to use the text book as a resource but use other sources as well.  One may like standing while talking, another may like sitting backwards in their chair facing the kids.  Just like no two students are alike, no two teachers are alike.  We tell kids all the time that it's okay to be who you are and like yourself.  Teachers need to have the same views on teachers - we are all teaching to a common goal, but the approach is as varied as their are people teaching and it's okay to teach in your own way.

Just recently I've been thinking about this a lot.  Actually really thinking about it.  We teach kids to be themselves, to like themselves for who they are.  We tell them that it's okay to be their own person and NOT do "what everyone else is doing" just to try to be cool or accepted.  But then they are told by us day in and day out that to learn you must sit quietly in your chair, feet on the floor and listen.  I don't know about you, but I don't always find that a comfortable way to sit and listen.

Some people like to sit on their knees.  (not me, that would kill me)  Some prefer to sit backwards in a chair and lean on the back to listen.  Some like to sit on the floor.  Some prefer to stand.

What would happen if we allowed kids (if they are not distracting others and are listening) sit, stand, kneel, etc, however they would like while we are teaching?  Would the world end?  Would it distract the kids?  My answer is I think not.  I think the only one who may be uncomfortable is the teacher.

Like I said, I've been thinking about this a lot.  I have one student who almost always ends up sitting on the floor instead of in his chair.  It used to bug the crap out of me.  I would make him get back in his chair.  I finally realized, if I leave this boy alone, he is listening and paying attention, he's just sitting on the floor.  How does that hurt me?!  Believe me this was hard on me at first - everyone else is sitting in their chair - he's on the floor.  Honestly - he paid the best attention if he was lying on his stomach under his chair.  Sounds silly, but I think it helped him feel like he had a space of his own, slightly contained, but he was comfortable.

Last year I had a discussion with a parent about their child and their need to move around.  The child was struggling with the being forced by teachers to sit in their chair a certain way.  So I tried an experiment for awhile with this kid.  I no longer paid attention to how they were in the chair.  I allowed them to be in whatever position they wanted.  (No, I didn't tell the kid, I just didn't "correct" the kid.)  Well, just like the parent suggested, it improved the child's ability to focus.  I told the parent that it worked in my room, but I couldn't make other teachers do it and I couldn't guarantee it would work in other classes.  But for me, I would continue to allow this kid to sit any way they chose.

Kids are as varied as the crayons in a box, yet we as educators try to make them fit a mold.  We tell them that they should be okay with who they are, that it's okay to be different, yet when we teach them, we force them to be the same.  Hmmmm - counter productive I think.

In re-reading this post I see that, as usual, I have meandered around quite a bit.  I've gone from people treating people poorly because they are different or do things differently, to forcing kids to be the same in a classroom setting.  I'm really not ADHD, but you might wonder when you get reading my blogs!  LOL

I guess what I am saying, we need to practice what we preach.  We tell kids that different is not bad, but then we scold them for being different in the classroom.  We tell kids to like themselves for who they are, but then we don't like when another teacher is doing things differently than other people.  We tell kids to be kind to others and treat them the way they would like to be treated, but then talk behind the backs of people.  We are not practicing what we preach.  I think we are ALL guilty of that, none of us can opt out on this one.

You are Different and That is Bad - is that the message we want to be giving?  Shouldn't we instead be celebrating the differences of our students, co-workers and all people around us?  Shouldn't we be learning from those that do take risks and try new things?  Shouldn't we be helping kids to take risks and try new things?  And if a kid should try new things, shouldn't we?

Different is not bad - different is great.